About cutting grapes

[user1471433387]

We have a 2.5 year old and the other day I noticed DH was cutting grapes widthways for her. I said that you’re meant to cut them lengthways in order for them not to be a choking hazard. I notice today he’s put some grapes out for our daughter and again they’re cut widthways not lengthways. I asked him in future to please cut them lengthways but he’s refusing!

WIBU? Am I being over the top?

I think quarter ways is probably best but there’s no way he’d agree to that.

My DD is 11 and I still cut her grapes I can’t bring myself not to!

'There used to be a brilliant post on here about risk vs consequence. The risk of choking on a grape might be small but the consequences are huge and easily mitigated by cutting in half lengthways. And given the official advice has been to cut in half lengthways for years, it’s difficult to quantify what the risk is.

Aside from that, refusing to change the way you do something because you don’t like being told what to do is a bit of a dick move. Especially if that thing could potentially save your child’s life.'

Absolutely this. (This, OT, is the reason why the posts about 'I ate pate/blue cheese when pregnant and my baby was fine' really, really annoy me. Listeriosis is a small risk, but the risk rises (still to a statistically small level) with certain foods and the consequences in pregnancy can be horrendous. It's really not the same, qualitatively, as advice about dose-response type stuff such as alcohol and caffeine)

I find this behaviour (refusing good advice because you don't like being told what to do or things were done differently in your day etc) common in people who see accepting advice from people they wouldn't societally have been expected to listen to as somehow a loss of face/authority. Hence it being particularly common in older generations/PIL/men (my generally very attitudinally modern dh is not above a bit of it sometimes, although with him it's a somewhat irrational belief in old-fashioned ways that he has about some things).

If I prepare fruit for my dc I cut up the grapes, and the eldest is 14. Nothing embarrassing or over-cautious about that - choking is most common in small children but not unheard of in older ones/adults and the mechanisms and risks are similar. They have all had the 'bite into whole grapes' conversation too, esp as cutting up grapes is much less of a thing where we live than in the UK. I did manage to convince my dd's nursery to start doing it. Mentioned the risks to them, they said they would look into it and came back pretty quickly saying they had done so and would cut them up in future.

Length ways , always. Same with cherry tomatoes. A toddler in my town choked on a mini-marshmallow. One of those diddy ones. Can't be careful enough. These things mould to shape of windpipe, so impossible to get out. Anything harder such as a marble is likely to shoot out. Tell him that...or don't buy any more grapes.

I know that deaths due to lightning strike are uncommon.
I do not have a stack of systematic reviews from the Cochrane library showing the locations at the time of strike of fatal lightning strike victims.
I still don't stand at the top of One Tree Hill when there's a lightning storm.
Because I'm not a fucking idiot.

He says there’s a potential risk in driving the car but I still do that

He has a point with this. I cut grapes up for my grandson, so I do listen to the advice, but I don't purposely cut them lengthways, in fact I've never thought about it! So I've just done a bit of research. The deaths cause damage by choking on grapes are extremely minimal statistically, and those grapes were whole. I couldn't find any evidence on choking on cut grapes. Grapes are the third most likely food a child will choke on, behind hot dogs and sweets. (The only statistics on this are from USA). So actually, a child is statistically far more likely to die in a car accident, or from measles, or from falling from a high chair.
We don't say that we will never put a child in a car because of the risk. We minimise it, but still children die. Cutting a grape in half, any way, is minimising an already very minimal risk. The only way to guarantee there isn't any risk is to not feed a child grapes at all.

Wet a grape and show him how resistant they become. If one becomes lodged in an airway it isn’t coming out.

If he’s willing to risk your child’s life because he’s a cunt then I’d seriously be wondering wtf I had married.

My eldest is 7 and I still slice her grapes lengthways or quarter the big ones. I chop up anything I can get away with.

Cutting a grape in half, any way, is minimising an already very minimal risk.

Cutting it across the way does not reduce the circumference of the grape though, it's pointless.

This report gives some alarming statistics
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/696646/Unintentional_injuries_under_fives_in_home.pdf
Over a 5 year period, there were 45 deaths in under 5s caused by choking through inhalation of food or vomit compared to 42 deaths caused by suffocation or strangulation in bed.

YANBU!

Like a PP said. Driving tha car also has risks but these are managed by taking precautions... just like cutting up grapes.

If he wouldn’t put your kids in the car without their child seats then he shouldn’t give them sideways cut grapes. Its exactly the same thing.

Get him to look up the outcomes of anoxic aquired brain injury from choking. If he still thinks he knows best then I would be seriously considering whether he should be looking after young children...

@YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine
I see your point, but the act of cutting the grape in any way reduces the tension and means the child will be able to bite it more easily or squash it with their gums.
One solution would be to cut the grapes, then give them a quick squash with the knife.

I couldn't live with him. This shit would exhaust me.

If he is cutting them in half then I'd let it go to be honest. 2 1/2 is almost 3, not a baby, I don't remember cutting them past age 2 as DS bit them in half to eat them anyway, but you know your own child.

Yes he neeeds to put the life of his child first but maybe you need to cut the "rules", he has told you he is fed up of all of your rules, you are not his Mother, Teacher or Boss you are his wife and mother of his child, equally he is your Husband and Father of your child, he is not your child, pupil or employee. Maybe you need to think about how you treat him and wether you would be happy for him to demand you follow his rules !

Ask him what he thinks cutting them widthways achieves. It doesn't change the circumference so he might as well not bother at all.

Your OH is an arrogant knob. Just refusing to do it as you told him to! I still cut grapes for my 8 year old DD out of habit. Sometimes not but she knows to bite each grape before popping in her mouth, and I eat grapes the same way. Force of habit. It's so easy to choke.

If my dh was like that I would stop buying grapes!!! Or I would buy them only when I was around!!

Ask him what he thinks cutting them widthways achieves. It doesn't change the circumference so he might as well not bother at all. As mentioned by another poster, it reduces the tension making them easier to bite so they are less likely to be missed by the teeth and slip into the throat whole.

Yeah, my DH is like this too. Not specifically the grape thing (our DS isn’t weaning yet) but just a general hatred for ‘rules’, particularly those he sees as set by me.

His mother was very overbearing and I think passive resistance was his way of coping. But I frequently have to remind him I’m not his mother.

Sometimes not but she knows to bite each grape before popping in her mouth, and I eat grapes the same way. Force of habit. Yes, it's a good idea to teach them to bite the halves anyway. They could easily be given grapes whole by a friend's parent once they are a bit older and they would be more likely to choke if they are not used to biting them.

My husband was like this with Grapes. Saying children can choke on anything. I told him if that grape gets stuck in his throat I will not get it out before he dies. He will die. I won't be able to save him. That seemed to hit home with him now he cuts them correctly. If you try this and it still doesn't work I wouldn't have Grapes in the house!

Rule of thumb (or little finger!) is that anything wider than the width of your little finger WILL choke a child, up to the age of 10. Items that small can still possibly get stuck, but it leaves enough room either side in the windpipe for oxygen to pass through

I cannot believe your DH is willing to put your child at risk just to get at you. That's disgraceful behaviour.

My DH didn't even want grapes in the house because he was so worried about the risk .....which is of course an overreaction but at least shows he cares about the safety of his child. We do of course have grapes they get cut up lengthways every time.

I just think grapes should be banned full stop!

Why would you want to be with someone who’d rather risk you dd choking and be right than do things “your way”?