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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About cutting grapes

180 replies

user1471433387 · 08/12/2019 01:57

We have a 2.5 year old and the other day I noticed DH was cutting grapes widthways for her. I said that you’re meant to cut them lengthways in order for them not to be a choking hazard. I notice today he’s put some grapes out for our daughter and again they’re cut widthways not lengthways. I asked him in future to please cut them lengthways but he’s refusing!

WIBU? Am I being over the top?

I think quarter ways is probably best but there’s no way he’d agree to that.

OP posts:
mrssoap · 08/12/2019 08:06

Absolutely not being unreasonable.

ethelfleda · 08/12/2019 08:06

YADNBU OP
Grapes ARE a choking hazard - not worth risking for the sake of cutting them up right. I quarter them as well. I mean, I am a little neurotic at the best of times but I don’t care Smile

ethelfleda · 08/12/2019 08:10

Given that the uk birth rate is about 680,000 and children can, apparently, choke up to 5 years old, the chance of dying by choking at all is about 1/200,000, so the chance of dying by a grape cut up ‘incorrectly’ for a 2.5 year old must be less than one in 1/1,000,000 or 0.0001%

Maybe the risk is that low BECAUSE people cut their grapes the right way Confused

Yoohoo16 · 08/12/2019 08:10

If he won’t stop buying them and he won’t cut them safely, I would chuck them out as soon as he bought them home. I hate food waste but I’d hate my child to choke to death more.

oblada · 08/12/2019 08:12

The risk is statistically very low.
However it is not worth risking it.
I'd argue that what he does actually increases the risk as he is not reducing the width of it (which is where the danger comes from) but reducing the length therefore making it more likely your child will not chew it on the way.
That to me is quite stupid.

oblada · 08/12/2019 08:16

Although the point above about piercing the skin/'squashability' does make some sense too. So maybe what he is doing is just completely useless overall.

AxeOfKindness · 08/12/2019 08:16

@larrygrylls all of your posts are rather missing the point - regardless of whether mitigation of the risks of choking actually needs to be taken or not, the OP's DH clearly is attempting to take a precaution by cutting up grapes.

As such, the only relevant issue is whether or not his method is effective in the way he intends. Simple physics and a basic understanding of how cutting up a grape mitigates the risk tells you that the answer is no, it is not. The OP has pointed this out and her DH has dug his heels in because reasons.

His blustering about statistics of choking is a red herring. He's already trying to reduce the risk, just ineffectively, and he doesn't like his slight silliness being pointed out.

I know it's a Mumsnet cliche but, OP, it sounds like you have a bigger DH problem!

firstimemamma · 08/12/2019 08:17

Yanbu, what everyone else said!

oblada · 08/12/2019 08:18

Actually forget that - looked it up further and I don't think widthway is any good at all.
So YANBU

Asschercut · 08/12/2019 08:20

Make a scene, kick up a massive fuss, get your health visitor involved. I know what you are up against ( my DH can be the same). Pick your battles and this is one to pick, no grapes or cut them length ways. It's child neglect otherwise.

MyEnormousTurnip · 08/12/2019 08:20

I’d assume your dh is controlling and abusive in other ways if this is his attitude. What an arse.

I still cut grapes in half for my dc and they’re 11 and 12 Blush I try not to but I’ve been doing it so long now that I can’t stop for fear of tempting fate. For context my 12yr old is 5’7” and as big as I am Blush

firstimemamma · 08/12/2019 08:21

I've never sent a link on this before so not sure if it's worked. (If it hasn't search for channel mum choking on YouTube and click on the first thing that shows up - a video around 12 mins long).

In the clip a professional explicitly states that grapes should be cut length ways and not width ways.

Newbie1999 · 08/12/2019 08:22

Mine does this, but when I remind him he’s very apologetic; it’s like he genuinely forgets. Every time.

ethelfleda · 08/12/2019 08:24

Do people not understand the relationship between risk and statistics?

Statistically, it’s rare that your baby would die from SIDS for example. However, the statistics only tell us what has already happened not what is likely to happen. If everyone suddenly started putting their babies to sleep on their front with a cot full of soft toys and then smoked 20 cigarettes and climbed in to bed with them, the deaths from SIDS would rise.
Same with if everyone stopped cutting grapes lengthways, there would likely be a rise in child deaths from choking on grapes.

Throwawayteachere · 08/12/2019 08:25

I cannot understand that he would rather you child choked than made grapes 'your way'. Hopefully you can find some articles to prove to him, but honestly the fact you have to is horrendous as where does it end.

Cornettoninja · 08/12/2019 08:29

Maybe the risk is that low BECAUSE people cut their grapes the right way

Exactly. The relevant statistics would be from before it was widely advised compared with recent ones. It’s half an argument to only look at recent stats.

Not that I’m going to look it all up because I trust the current advice and see no reason to try and disprove it.

yesteaandawineplease · 08/12/2019 08:30

your dh is a twat.

I was going to say something about his car analogy and common sense but pps have said it all.

I'd also be showing him thr nhs advice and saying to him... look this is really important to me. your my partner and suppose to care about me. please follow the bus advice and it will stop me worrying.

I mean he's cutting them anyway. why wouldnt he just do it the other way to save on the drama. makes no sense to me.

LetThemEatDrama · 08/12/2019 08:30

@larrygrylls - before the OP needs a grip you need basic maths skills I'm afraid. 12 deaths a year means 60 deaths in 5 years, so with a birth rate of 680,000 that's 60 in 3.4mill chance, which is 1 in 56k not one in a million. And that's just the children who die, 100s more a year are hospitalised so not that extreme a chance. Or maybe choking is ok if your child is 'only' hospitalised but doesn't die?

And risk doesn't work divided down per year! If you have a 1/56k chance of doing from something you can't divide that by 365 to make a lower daily/monthly/yearly chance like you did for the 2.5yr old, doesn't work like that, it's 1/56k ALL.THE. TIME. You don't know when an incident will happen.

yesteaandawineplease · 08/12/2019 08:32

the*
you're*
nhs*

I'm actually quite angry for you and didn't proof read properly.

MarleneandBoycie · 08/12/2019 08:32

Why bother with grapes if they are so dangerous? There is nothing in them that is so nutritious that it makes them worth it surely?

Tonii1985 · 08/12/2019 08:36

YANBU. I go one step further - my kids aren't allowed grapes at all! When I told their childminder and pre-school this, turns out they were on the same page anyway.
My kids enjoy loads of different fruit, they don't need grapes.
Cutting width wise is as dangerous as giving them whole.
Get your DH to read one of those horror stories online xx

Winterdaysarehere · 08/12/2019 08:36

My exh decided out newborn ds (born August) was hot and sucking the juice from a grape would be a good idea ... Patting the back of a tiny baby is no easy task...
What a fucking idiot..
Sad
He never had the dc alone until a year old..
Once had a row with the leaders of a baby group who refused to cut grapes as they didn't have a food hygiene certificate.. I cut them all myself.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 08/12/2019 08:37

I don’t think people do ethelfleda.

There used to be a brilliant post on here about risk vs consequence. The risk of choking on a grape might be small but the consequences are huge and easily mitigated by cutting in half lengthways. And given the official advice has been to cut in half lengthways for years, it’s difficult to quantify what the risk is.

Aside from that, refusing to change the way you do something because you don’t like being told what to do is a bit of a dick move. Especially if that thing could potentially save your child’s life.

Feminazgul · 08/12/2019 08:38

My DS is 7 and I've drummed it into him that he doesn't put whole grapes in his mouth - he is to bite into them as he pops them in.

I'm more concerned at his age tbh as I've seen how kids arse around when eating snacks.

ethelfleda · 08/12/2019 08:39

Why bother with grapes if they are so dangerous? There is nothing in them that is so nutritious that it makes them worth it surely?

Well, yes. I mean I don’t bother buying them TBH.
But the point is, they’re only dangerous if you don’t cut them lengthways. If you do cut them properly, they’re no more risky than any other fruit I would imagine. And if grapes are one of the only fruits your kid likes and you want them to eat healthily then I could understand why people still buy them.