I am being precious re possessions

[Redbauble]

Hi all, sorry if this gets long. My dh and I are in disagreement today, growing up I was always told to look after my things and keep them nice, at the time i thought my dad was a pain in the arse for saying it but it has rubbed off on me. I dont have loads but i treat my things nicely. Dh is a bit of a scruff, he works outdoors with dirty boots and tools etc and over the years we've had several tiffs about him mistreating my things. It's not every week or anything but the following two recent incidents have really annoyed me.

For my birthday in the summer my mum got me a lovely travel mug, very pretty and probably expensive for a travel mug. Anyway I love. A few days after my birthday dh had it ready to fill and I asked him not to as it was mine and I wanted it kept nice and i knew hed stick it in the dishwasher or itd end up outside for days. He thought me terribly precious but i didn't see why he couldnt use the older ones and i could keep this one nice for work.

Anyway over time he kept wanting to use it and I'd have to dig it out his van. Anyway hes put it through the dishwasher (maybe once maybe more) and now its ruined. It's a petty thing to be upset about but it's more the principle, why couldnt I have this nice thing just for me?

Other recent example is that i bought an expensive cleaning set, hes been told time and time again to wash his tools outside, I buy him things to use to clean them but he always end up messing up the house or taking things. The set I bought including a special sponge, (again a pretty thing) I cant remember what it's called but I really like it.

Well last night i found it in shreds in the sink and hes used it for his tools. I was really cross and said that it wasnt for his tools but he rolled his eyes and said "well it did the job" again the principle of this has annoyed me. He has other things he can use but didn't. He tried to tell me that how can we expect dd to share if i wont but my arguement was I dont expect dd to share every little thing and i dont expect her to share if her toys arent going to be respected. If happily let him use these things of he treat them how I do. These are just two examples but there are many more. Am I just pathetic?

[CharityDingle]

OP, please do watch this behaviour. The knocking your jacket down so his can hang up...he went out of his way to use the mug, despite there being others he could use...and yes, I understand what you mean about the cleaning things, and he went ahead and used them despite them not being fit for his purpose.

None of that reads as normal, respectful behaviour, to me. And he tries to tell you that he doesn't think and tries to cover his behaviour, by saying that you have to teach your child to share.

[gamerchick]

He doesn't want to share though. He wants things for himself and if he can't then he wrecks them. That's not sharing.

[avocadotofu]

That would really annoy me too. I don't see why you wouldn't look after things.

[Youseethethingis]

This reminds me of that blog that does the rounds on social media about the man who goes around telling everyone that his bitch ex wife divorced him because he never emptied the dishwasher (or similar, can’t remember specifics) Over time he comes to realise that actually he did fuck all around the house or for their kids and left everything at his arse for the little wifey to deal with - that it was the soul destroying lack of respect, love and care towards his wife that ended his marriage. Not the bloody dishwasher.

[DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh]

"Pampered Chef" pallet knife down to the garage, where it had got broken while being used to lever the lids off tins of paint.

I see your "pampered chef" knife, and raise you dressmaking scissors used to cut woodchip wallpaper . . .

[thenightsky]

dressmaking scissors used to cut woodchip wallpaper . . .

[DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh]

If it's just a cup, why did he want to use it so badly? There were plenty of other cups to use

Exactly!!!

[HouseworkAvoider10]

He sounds like a bit of a cunt, to be honest.
I'd bin him.

[PixiKitKat]

I'd be pissed off too OP! I have a lovely Chillys bottle for water only. My DP asked if he could use it for tea, I said no and that was it. He doesn't touch it as I've asked him not to.
I think it's no so much the items but the absolute lack of respect for what you have requested. If that was my DP, I honestly think I'd lose my love for him.

[Isleepinahedgefund]

That thing with the mug would piss me right off. Sees it, wants it, takes it, ruins it, never give any consideration to the fact that it isn't his bloody mug?!

To me it's a form of selfishness - complete inability to consider someone who is them.

The coat thing - who does he think is going to pick it up? The lady of the house?

[Decidewhattobeandgobeit]

Yanbu

[Ghostontoast]

It’s like he know something is meaningful to you and then he ruins it.

Not a good sign I’m afraid.

[threesecrets]

Disrespectful. It doesn't matter what the possession is, you asked him not to use it

[HowDoYouLikeThoseSuedeApples]

Why is bringing his OUTSIDE shit INSIDE ! He needs an outside tap/sink and an attitude adjustment. Now order the whole cleaning set again just for the sponge. It’s common or garden disrespect not you being precious.

[NoooorthonerMum]

I think the sounds like it goes beyond selfish, thoughtless behaviour into being malicious. If he didn't give things much thought why was he so desperate to use your particular mug that he knew was special to you. Why on earth would he throw your coat on the floor?

The fact he can't even acknowledge he was wrong when he's actually broken your things is worrying too. The bit about teaching a child to share is ridiculous - he'd be teaching his child to take what he wants and have no respect for other people's things.

[SpamChaudFroid]

Reading about your partner reminds me of an ex. He would buy me an expensive moisturiser for xmas, then use it on his own face every day. His pet name for me was "shellfish" (selfish). He would call me this every time I bought myself anything he didn't like, even food in a restaurant because he wouldn't be able to eat some of it.

Your partner is being deliberately unkind. You are not being precious.

[Bargebill19]

You are not being precious.
I had the same problem with my DH. I lost the plot big time - got a large bin bag and threw everything I could if his out - laptop, phone, clothes etc. It all went outside in the rain. I refused to travel anywhere with him in his car - and refused to let him even touch mine. At the same time I went on a spending spree with his credit card and replaced every item of mine he had trashed.
After a week he got the message.
If he can’t respect your stuff - do not respect his. Do not help him. He has to learn he is disrespecting you and not just your belongings.

[T0tallyFuckedUpFamily]

I see your "pampered chef" knife, and raise you dressmaking scissors used to cut woodchip wallpaper

Ohh ohh ohh 😮 I actually winced reading that! My scissors are still kept in the box they came in and the boys were warned I’d test it in their favourite clothes if I caught them using them!

[GenuineKlatchianPottery]

You’ve just reminded me of my ex using my hairdressing scissors to cut carpet!
He’d actually gone into my work bag to get them .
His reasoning was “I didn’t have any Stanley blades and these are sharp”.
But I was “being precious” about not wanting my £200 work tools wrecked.
This was 20 years ago and we’ve been separated for 10 years now, but I’m suddenly irrationally enraged by it again!

[wasthatamistake]

So he took your birthday present and wrecked it. He actually went out of his way to use it so you couldn't, and damaged it too. He is a cunt.

Anyone who holds the view that they are entitled to take and damage their loved ones possessions at will is disgusting. It is not in any way loving or kind.

[Besidesthepoint]

Sounds a bit like my ex. Everything that was his was his; everything that was mine was ours and for him to just even give away if he felt like it. He gave away my bicycle, he gave away my hard saved cash money twice. When I asked for it back he laughed. After tge separation what was his was his, what was mine couldn't be proven so was his as well. Karma exists though, he next fell in love with a gold digger.

It is a form of disrespect. There is no happy future with someone who sees you as less than themselves.

[JamieVardysHavingAParty]

That's not normal carelessness. Normal carelessness is not noticing which mug you've got. You'd be as likely to pick up a basic mug and break that as you would the mug with sentimental value attached.

It's also not normal for anyone who knows what they're doing to get a domestic cleaning sponge from their wife's indoor-cleaning kit to do heavy duty cleaning outside. You just don't try to scrub oil or excrement off with something intended for light-duty work. It won't do the job and will just be broken. You might as well cut out the middleman and scrub the mess up with five pound notes directly.




And e

[JamieVardysHavingAParty]

Dunno what the "And e" means!

[rebecca102]

Would absolutely piss me off! I'm exactly like you are. When I buy something for myself which is rare I look after it and my partner just treats my stuff like his belongings and like shit!

[dontalltalkatonce]

The coat thing, math's right, it's a giant 'Fuck you!' Honestly, who the fuck does that? I can bet he wouldn't dare do this to a mate because they would call him out on it. 'What the fuck are you doing? My coat was hanging up on that hook and you threw it on the fucking floor? What is wrong with you? That's fucking rude!'

Because he knows it is. And yeah, there were other cups to use. That one was a gift to you.