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AIBU?

Not getting a gift from SIL

172 replies

Dawnclark · 06/12/2019 00:56

So I may be being completely crazy here but I still feel a little put out.
My husband and I have taken in his older sister as she has lost yet another house share. I won't go into specifics. Its coming up to Christmas and this would have been our first as a newlywed couple. To add to this we have a baby due in March so this was really supposed to be something special.
Now coming from a family that is very festive I like to go big at Christmas and that means lots of gifts from everyone including santa. Plus I love to cook so oddly I actually look forward to cooking Christmas Dinner for the masses.
I have taken the time, effort and money to make sure my SIL feels fully included in the festivities and she knows this.
However, I have just been told that my husband and I are the only people NOT getting a gift to unwrap from her this Christmas. After making sure her stocking will be full and that Santa will leave lots for her to unwrap as well as adding a third wheel to my first married Christmas, is this insulting or is it me just being hormonal?

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AIBU

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PepePig · 07/12/2019 19:50

I'd tell her to go find somewhere else to live and let her crack on. Not because of the gift (if she genuinely couldn't afford then fine), but her stinking attitude to the pair of you who took her in.

What a nasty woman.

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Jack80 · 07/12/2019 19:57

Just dont buy her one and then you don't feel awkward, I know we don't give to receive but I wouldn't buy people a present if I knew they would feel uncomfortable that they hadn't bought me one

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Celestine70 · 07/12/2019 20:39

I don't care how unimportant gifts are she's bloody rude. I would regift all her gifts to other people. Then I would ask her after Xmas to find somewhere else to live asap. You don't want to be saddled with her.

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Monkeymilkshake · 07/12/2019 21:21

I think you have one way of doing christmas (big meal, lots of presents etc) and she has another way of doing it. Some people like to give presents but others may feel unconfortable receiving lots or just dont like it. I think it's a bit unfair to expect her to think like you.
However, it doesnt hurt to buy you and your husband 1 present each for christmas.
If it was me personally, i would hate to receive lots of presents and a stocking from stanta full of stuff. But that's just my opinion. I understand that some people like buying lots and some really enjoy receiving lots.
If you really want to include your sil in the christmas celebrations, maybe ask her what she likes to do or if there is anything special she likes to eat.
I hope you all end up having a nice christmas day and good luck with the baby.

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crispysausagerolls · 07/12/2019 21:54

i think after reading all of the comments that I do need to accept that it was my choice to include her for Christmas and shouldn't expect her to put in the same effort as I am. However I am still kinda feeling like a last thought

90% of people
Think YANBU. Do not give her any gifts.

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TriciaH87 · 07/12/2019 23:06

So she's staying in your home but your the only ones not getting a gift. I hope your charging her rent as if not that's an absolute piss take. Sounds like a free loader to me.

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TriciaH87 · 07/12/2019 23:08

Keep her gifts and when she looks confused that her stocking is empty tell her the gift was too big to fit inside it...... its the roof over her head.

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scubadive · 07/12/2019 23:24

Why don’t you ask her what she has got DH for Xmas and see gopher reaction.

It’s rude beyond acceptable to not give you gifts at Xmas when she is living in your house and saving money.

There's No way I put up with being insulted in my house and especially on Xmas day.

It’s nothing to do with ‘expecting gifts’ it’s common decency.

It would ruin my Xmas and I’d be asking her to leave if she doesn’t buy you a very nice gift, plus wine and chocolates as a minimum.

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Cherrysoup · 07/12/2019 23:33

She’s paying a token amount of rent. Why would she not buy you an amazing present in recognition of how you’ve supported her when she’s been kicked out of yet another house share??

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Ilady · 07/12/2019 23:42

I know you and your DH took her in when another house share fell through for her. This was not the 1st time this happened to her. Along with this her parents don't want her living at home with them.
You said she is working full time and paying you £300 for rent and bills. Then after all this she told your DH - her brother I am not buying you anything for Xmas.
She has some nerve especially since you sorted out her lack of housing at short notice. Has she even looked for another place to live? Has she told you anything about finding a new place to live? If she does not like sharing why does she not look for a bedsit?
The reality is that this is your last child free Xmas and she should be grateful for you and your DH helping her out. She should be buying you a decent gift. She also should be looking hard to get a new place to live in because you are now 6/7 months pregnant so she can't stay with you much longer.
I know accommodation can be hard to get in certain areas so she needs to be looking now.
I would return her gifts or keep them for other people. I would give her something small on Xmas day. Over Xmas I would ask her in front of her parents and your dh - when are you moving into a new place? I would also say that your looking forward to the new baby and that you want her room back for the baby.
The reality is that you don't want her living with you long term especially when your 1st baby is due.

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chocatoo · 07/12/2019 23:58

I would just give here a small gift. I would also make it clear that she needs to find another house share straight after Christmas.

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Miriamkiwi · 08/12/2019 00:50

Wow, you'll have to put your bitch on, girl! You can do it! Send her to the parents on Christmas Day and screw that, "other people" can be a true pain, cut it off!!!!

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Gogreen · 08/12/2019 09:02

I think even though you feel an after thought I would still give the gifts and have a lovely day with the 3 of you, even if she gets you nothing. It’s not about her, it’s about you, your being lovely, caring and thoughtful, a really nice person, you should be proud of that, not see it as a fault. Your shaping up to be a good mum btw, your child will be lucky to have such a good role model.

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WhoKnewBeefStew · 08/12/2019 09:38

I think regardless of what you have bought her or how you celebrate Christmas, you ARE putting a roof over her head and inviting her to spend Christmas with you, at a time, by the sounds of things, when she needed it. With that in mind she should be very appreciative of that. I know gifts aren’t the be all, and end all’ but because you’ve both put yourselves out for her, the least she could do would be to put some thought into how she will say ‘thanks’

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Inforthelonghaul · 08/12/2019 10:06

Don’t be a doormat OP.

It will be embarrassing for everyone if you give her presents and she’s not got anything at all for you.

This is the first year ever we have said we are only doing gifts for our children (and a couple of grandparents who won’t otherwise get a gift from anyone) and it is so liberating.

And I second PPs, give her an early deadline to sort new accommodation in the new year as she sounds neither appreciative or particularly pleasant.

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Motoko · 08/12/2019 12:09

So how long is she going to be staying @Dawnclark? What was the agreement when you agreed to put her up?

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Raybay · 08/12/2019 12:34

She is disrespectful. Why not compromise, she can stay until the new year BUT Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day she stays at her parents house. I know they won't have her live with them but they can put her up for 3 days. And yes, don't give her presents, just one to show your not a cow like her.

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Brefugee · 08/12/2019 12:34

frankly? I'd get her a small present to open, and tell her that if she is short of cash she can do all the washing up until she leaves at the end of January.

PP are weird. It's not about presents, or money spent, it's about someone taking the piss and making no effort. If her own family won't take her in, make it clear that she's leaving at the end of January (or pick your own date) and that's it as far as you're concerned.

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Fucck · 08/12/2019 12:44

Return her gifts, get her something very 'token' so she can't play the But you didn't get me anything? card.
Give her a definite date to be gone "you are welcome to stay for Christmas but after that we feel we need to get the house ready in time for the dc, start looking to be out for mid-late jan" get your DH to back you up and don't be afraid to look "the bitch" by the sounds of it her whole family have the measure of her and won't listen to her bleating.

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HollowTalk · 08/12/2019 12:47

Why are people so critical of the OP wanting a particular type of Christmas, especially when it's the sort that many, many people have?

And why are they critical of her for expecting a present exchange when she's taken in her SIL after nobody else could live with her? She's bought her SIL presents when she's the one actually doing the favour, while the SIL is sitting back and won't reciprocate. Most people would be angry at that.

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TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 08/12/2019 14:20

Because nobody knows the exact conversation that was had between husband and his sister. It sounds like husband told his sister not to bother getting them anything, and then told OP they weren't receiving anything. And then he shut down the conversation. OP hadn't heard any of this from the sister herself, and it seems hadn't spoken to her one way or another. There's every chance even after all this that the sister does indeed buy something small for them.

The OP is going on second hand, scrappy information from a not very communicative husband. And we're 7 pages in to people saying how ungrateful and what a bitch the sister is.

Nobody knows what's going on.
Not even OP!

One thing that is clear though is the OP has gone completely ott on the present buying and needs to realise that not everybody would be comfortable with receiving so much.

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Justblockthebitch · 09/12/2019 17:55

I agree with others that it's not much information to go on.
I'm wondering if the SIL is only buying for the children in the family and not the adults as it's what a lot of people do, but it's just not been phrased correctly to OP

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