Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Christmas day dog dilemma

90 replies

Bingcankissmyass · 05/12/2019 13:58

More of a WWYD...Every year we go to Pils on Christmas day(me, DH, DS16, DD14 and DD3) Sil and DH also come. Yesterday Mil told me Sil had said her dog (bull terrier puppy, but bigger than my DD3) had to come on Christmas day too, and that it would behave as her DH would be there. It wouldnt normally bother me, but her last dog (same breed) snapped at my throat (drew blood) when I was stroking it (still a puppy, but HUGE) which makes me uneasy around her new dog. Not only that, but our DD3 is constantly wanting to stroke/play with/pick up/chase/kiss etc. our cat (and any and every dog she sees.) DH said we'd spend christmas day at home as he doesn't want the DC round the dog, and doesnt want to spend the day constantly telling DD3 to leave the dog alone/hear her being screamed at (by mil) to stop going near the dog. It's bad enough trying to stop her at home with our cat, never mind a dog bigger than her that can snap at her when its had enough! I've told DH he can be the one to tell his DM that we wont be there Christmas day, but that we'll go boxing day, and hes fine with that. The problem is that his DM will see her arse BIGTIME, she'll throw a strop, more than likely not speak to us for a few weeks (years ago she burst into tears when we said we didnt want to go shopping with her, then stopped speaking to us for two weeks.) Don't get me wrong we have a great relationship with her and Sil, but I just don't want Christmas day to be ruined by everyone screaming and shouting at DD3 or the possibility someone will get snapped at by the dog. I'm normally fine around dogs, but this one has me on edge 😖 WWYD? Would you go and ask for the dog to be kept in its cage (as it does mostly in its home, but then it might as well be at home) go but keep DD3 with me at ALL times, or stay at home and visit boxing day?

OP posts:

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 05/12/2019 14:06

I wouldn't go. Let her strop if she wants to, that's her business.

Raindancer411 · 05/12/2019 14:08

Stay at home as if the dog isn't use to small kids, it maybe a stressful time for all...

Star81 · 05/12/2019 14:08

I wouldn’t go. You are offering an alternative by going on Boxing Day so if she wants to throw a strop then let her.

flouncyfanny · 05/12/2019 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlexaShutUp · 05/12/2019 14:11

Stay at home. It isn't worth ruining your Christmas with that kind of stress.

Justmuddlingalong · 05/12/2019 14:11

Don't go, for all the reasons you've given. Leave DH to tell her, at least he's on board. If she spits the dummy, leave her to it.

Purpleartichoke · 05/12/2019 14:13

Putting a new dog into the chaos of a big family Christmas gathering is irresponsible. Your SIl is showing she doesn’t have the faintest idea how to properly train a dog. You are right to not trust this situation.

Stay home. If they throw a strop, I’d be tempted to yell right back about the importance of proper pet ownership, but I’d probably just keep my mouth shut and ignore.

Serenity45 · 05/12/2019 14:14

YANBU to want to spend Christmas at home...luckily MIL isn't the boss of you. Though I have to say it doesn't sound like a totally great relationship if you can't be honest with her for fear of her throwing a strop. She sounds like a pain in the arse tbh.

Good luck OP!

Dontdisturbmenow · 05/12/2019 14:14

Surely agree OH on a compromise that the dog is to be in another room at all time?

Sounds a bit drastic to decide not to go for Xmas 3 weeks before.

adaline · 05/12/2019 14:17

Taking a young puppy to a big family gathering like that is really irresponsible of your SIL. Christmas has too many temptations for young dogs - chocolate, mince pies, Christmas pudding - all lying around and all toxic to dogs.

SIL should be the one to stay home with the puppy, but if she insists on taking a young puppy to such a busy gathering, you should stay home.

fourandnomore · 05/12/2019 14:17

Think you’re doing the right thing staying home if the dog is definitely going to be there. Leave your dh to deal with it as he has already said he will. Don’t think there’s anything to worry about here, you are definitely not being unreasonable.

messolini9 · 05/12/2019 14:18

It's your DH's family, & such a pleasant change to see a thread where DH actually has his wife's back, OP! As he has already made a perfectly sensible suggestion, follow his lead & enjoy your xmas day at home.

If MiL kicks off - let DH deal with it. His family, his decision, his fall-out.
I'm finding it harder to fathom your assertion that you have "a great relationship with MiL & SiL" though -
The problem is that his DM will see her arse BIGTIME, she'll throw a strop, more than likely not speak to us for a few weeks (years ago she burst into tears when we said we didnt want to go shopping with her, then stopped speaking to us for two weeks.)

How is ANY of that great?
& your SiL is a daft bint for not having a portable puppy crate for when her dog is around children. You won't be able to relax for a second, & it's a very selfish attitude from SiL. But again - DH's family - let him handle them. Don't facilitate, don't appease, don't engage.

Surely not havong to be spoken to by people this ... overtly dramatic & self-centred would just be a relief?

VisionQuest · 05/12/2019 14:18

It sounds to me like you have a great relationship with your MIL as long as you go along with whatever she wants.......

GameSetMatch · 05/12/2019 14:20

I love dogs, always had dog but I agree with you, if she had one that drew blood from your throat she obviously can’t train her dog and it would be silly to put your son in a possibly horrendous situation.

BigFatLiar · 05/12/2019 14:20

Its not just keeping DD safe but also keeping the dog safe. Even if its the best behaved dog ever it'll be away from its own environment with lots of activity and excitement and a strange little girl who'll want to play. Bad for her, bad for the dog it can't say no or stop all it can do is snap or growl. I'm sure many families with their own dog will have a similar issue of managing the dog when all the excitement starts.
Little girls who want to play and stressed dogs are not a good mix.
Be safe, be happy, enjoy the day at home, let her play with her new toys that'll be excitement enough for all of you.

BaronessBomburst · 05/12/2019 14:20

So what if she throws a strop and doesn't speak to you? That's her loss. And seeing as you know it's going to happen you can make other plans for over the Christmas period.

OrangeZog · 05/12/2019 14:21

Stay at home and enjoy the peace being ignored brings. It’s because people pander to those who choose to strop that they feel it’s acceptable and why they continue to behave that way.

TheRightHonerable · 05/12/2019 14:24

You’re being totally reasonable.

Don’t tell DM ‘we’re not coming’ tell her ‘DD3 isn’t suitable to be around dog so either the dog stays at home or DD3 does - MIL can choose which she prefers.

You are DNBU!! We have a toddler in the extended family and 3 dogs, 2 are old and completely harmless but one is a large excitable puppy- puppy is constantly crated if toddler is present at events and this is never questioned. Toddler safety is number 1 priority.

GojuRyuLover · 05/12/2019 14:30

I would stay home on Christmas Day and go visit your MIL on Boxing Day, as you said.
Best case scenario, you will be stressed all day either telling your DD3 to leave the dog alone or worrying that she might be about to go over to the dog.

Stay at home and have a more peaceful day with your family, OP

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/12/2019 14:30

As a Bull Terrier owner I want to reach out and slap your SIL. As with any other terrier they are excitable dogs and throwing them into a loud, busy family occasion without some serious though about socialisation is ridiculous. They are hefty dogs with a big mouth.

Whilst I know they are loving, snugglies I also know that they are OTT bouncy monsters! Madness to expect them to remain calm and controlled when let loose in an unfamiliar situation. That goes for any dog, let alone one owned by someone who doesn't, by your words, seem to take the proper care bouncy breeds need!

BlueRavens23 · 05/12/2019 14:35

We're the opposite, we normally go to my grandparents for christmas as a whole family, but this year myself DP and 2 DCs are staying home because we have a dog now (itallian mastiff) she is ginormous but so gentle with both DC one being 4 one being 5 months but because of her we are staying home, when we bought her she became part of our family too, and i disagree with her being left alone all day when we see our family regulary anyway, but in your position i wouldnt go, let tour MIL have the hump, christmas is a time to relax and enjoy your time together as a family like pp said id just go see them boxing day.

Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 14:42

Stay at home.
We went to in laws a couple of yrs ago and SiL brought her dog.
It wasn’t particularly big or aggressive but I spent the entire time monitoring my child’s behaviour around the dog, the dog was stressed out by the attention, I was exhausted telling my child not to touch it the whole time and my child was confused about why it was there if she wasn’t allowed to pet it.
Not much fun for any of us.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/12/2019 14:43

Sounds like a madhouse.

Just stay home! If she throws a strop, enjoy the silence for a few weeks!

plumbabe · 05/12/2019 14:45

Wow...there’s no way I’d let my 3 year old be around a dog like that. Your mil will have to learn she can’t always have her own way!

midnightmisssuki · 05/12/2019 14:46

Just tell her the reason and leave her to it. She sounds dramatic.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread