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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas day dog dilemma

90 replies

Bingcankissmyass · 05/12/2019 13:58

More of a WWYD...Every year we go to Pils on Christmas day(me, DH, DS16, DD14 and DD3) Sil and DH also come. Yesterday Mil told me Sil had said her dog (bull terrier puppy, but bigger than my DD3) had to come on Christmas day too, and that it would behave as her DH would be there. It wouldnt normally bother me, but her last dog (same breed) snapped at my throat (drew blood) when I was stroking it (still a puppy, but HUGE) which makes me uneasy around her new dog. Not only that, but our DD3 is constantly wanting to stroke/play with/pick up/chase/kiss etc. our cat (and any and every dog she sees.) DH said we'd spend christmas day at home as he doesn't want the DC round the dog, and doesnt want to spend the day constantly telling DD3 to leave the dog alone/hear her being screamed at (by mil) to stop going near the dog. It's bad enough trying to stop her at home with our cat, never mind a dog bigger than her that can snap at her when its had enough! I've told DH he can be the one to tell his DM that we wont be there Christmas day, but that we'll go boxing day, and hes fine with that. The problem is that his DM will see her arse BIGTIME, she'll throw a strop, more than likely not speak to us for a few weeks (years ago she burst into tears when we said we didnt want to go shopping with her, then stopped speaking to us for two weeks.) Don't get me wrong we have a great relationship with her and Sil, but I just don't want Christmas day to be ruined by everyone screaming and shouting at DD3 or the possibility someone will get snapped at by the dog. I'm normally fine around dogs, but this one has me on edge 😖 WWYD? Would you go and ask for the dog to be kept in its cage (as it does mostly in its home, but then it might as well be at home) go but keep DD3 with me at ALL times, or stay at home and visit boxing day?

OP posts:

Wonkybanana · 05/12/2019 15:33

Surely agree OH on a compromise that the dog is to be in another room at all time?

Sounds a bit drastic to decide not to go for Xmas 3 weeks before.

They were only told yesterday that the dog will be there.

OP don't go, it won't be fun for any of you. Your DH is happy to tell his mum you won't be there, so let him.

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/12/2019 15:36

If the dog isn't used to children like DD3 and DD3 is still learning how to be around animals then it's far safer to stay home on Christmas day. With a house full of people it's going to be incredibly difficult and stressful to keep DD3 and the dog apart. I'm sure a sulky MIL is better than a bitten child and a dog put in a situation he couldn't cope with.

SirVixofVixHall · 05/12/2019 15:37

How old is the puppy ?
Bull terrier puppies are bouncy, but also generally very good natured. However puppies get tired out, and then need some peace and quiet, maybe SIL could make sure the pup has plenty of time out, in his crate in a quiet room ?

Dacquoise · 05/12/2019 15:40

I love my dogs and dogs in general but wouldn't expect someone who was nervous to be around them and most especially small children and mine are a soppy, harmless pair. Bull terrier I wouldn't feel comfortable around myself so you are not being unreasonable. Dogs pick up on fear so that doesn't help either. However, I think your real problem is not feeling like you have a choice because of your MILs likely reaction. It's a form of bullying to throw a strop when someone expresses their choices. Perhaps you need to work on that.

diddl · 05/12/2019 15:41

Have you been invited for Boxing Day?

I'd decline Christmas Day & see what is suggested.

Chloemol · 05/12/2019 15:42

Stay at home

WheresMyChocolate · 05/12/2019 15:52

YANBU Christmas and dogs don't mix.

I've just had to deal with a similar situation. Got a message from a friend who usually comes for Christmas to let me know that she's bringing 2 dogs with her as she's dog sitting and they can't be left on their own. Oh no you're bloody not. We have 25 people in an average sized 3 bed house, 2 of whom are crawling babies. We're not adding 2 large unknown dogs to the chaos. I haven't heard back yet.

PlasticPatty · 05/12/2019 15:56

Good grief. I thought your 'dilemma' was going to be "Can we leave our dog home alone on Christmas Day?"

Do not go. Never put a child at risk. Ever.

PlasticPatty · 05/12/2019 15:58

Don't trust your SIL if she says she'll keep her dog in a crate. She won't. They don't.

Drum2018 · 05/12/2019 16:13

I wouldn't go. Any suggestions of putting the dog in another room or in a cage may be agreed upon, but no doubt on the day someone will let the dog loose. So let Dh go ahead and tell his mother that you are not joining them. I'm not sure about inviting yourselves for Boxing Day unless it's just for a cuppa. She may not have any intention of cooking another dinner on Boxing Day.

justasking111 · 05/12/2019 16:16

We have the daftest dogs in the world. On christmas day they will be in our bedroom for part of the day. We have visitors with three small toddlers. It is not fair on the dogs to be pulled around that day. With all the chaos of presents, food and the like going on around them they enjoy the peace.

BlueRavens23 · 05/12/2019 16:18

Ha, i wish i could say i was insane, but no, just really fell in love with her and she needed a home, BUT we have been lucky, she has been so easy to train, never chewed anything she shouldnt, nor messed in my home, she adores my children, and in turn they adore her, BUT my 4yo also knows there are boundaries where our dog is concerned and she is NEVER left alone with my children, i go out the room so does she, we have no barking if someone knocks on the door, people coming into the house doesn't phase her, yes she will go have a sniff then she's quite happy to go back to her bed or to whatever she was doing previous, again i must say, we have been lucky with our girl, pic attached just because i love her so much haha.

Considermesometimes · 05/12/2019 16:18

There is no way I would go whatever the consquences. Invite them to your house for a second christmas on boxing day minus the SIL and dog. If she still strops she needs to take a cold hard look at herself, this is how children die.

SaltedPeanut · 05/12/2019 16:27

My dog is happy, friendly and loves everyone. I wouldn't take him out of his home on Christmas Day - or leave him home alone.

Just tell PIL you are having Christmas Day in your own house.

I don't get why dog owners think everyone has to suck up the presence of their dog 🤷‍♀️

BigFatLiar · 05/12/2019 16:33

Dog or no dog I don't see why parents want to take their kids away from their new toys on Christmas day. They should be allowed to play and enjoy the day.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 05/12/2019 16:36

and that it would behave as her DH would be there sounds ominous !
Is your SIL unable to control the pup's behaviour and anticipate any situations where it might get stressed or reactive or over excited ?

Or will her DH take the puppy out for some quiet time and a walk to cool off ?
Or sit in a room with it .
Or give it a bollocking and a slap round the ear ?

And what did become of the previous dog ? .

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 05/12/2019 16:38

Ahh BlueRaven c'mon, I bet she dribbles like a stream and farts toxic gas .
She must have some flaws

Mamawingingit1234 · 05/12/2019 16:42

Have you told her?

BlueRavens23 · 05/12/2019 16:42

@70isaLimitNotaTarget oh god yes, the dribble and farts are easy to deal with though given how easy going and laid back she has been, bear in mind she is still only 10 months old herself. But the farts, they are from another universe haha

plightofthealbatross · 05/12/2019 16:46

Stay home. And let your DH tell her that's the decision, not a discussion topic.

And as for your 'great relationship' with your MIL, I doubt it's that great. People who sulk and strop and impose the silent treatment when they don't get their way are abusive selfish arseholes who don't know what a grown up, good relationship actually looks like.

DishingOutDone · 05/12/2019 16:48

I have a fluffy cockerpoo, the one all the kids love. Only 2. Weighs about 14kg. He doesn't like fast movements he gets nervous so small children are not his favourite, and our cousin has a 3 year old. Our arrangement is either we go to their house without the dog or they come here and we pay for a dog sitter. That has always been the arrangement I have with small children and this is my second dog (last one was fine with kids though).

I want to relax, my guests want to relax. We either make a fair arrangement for the dog to be somewhere else (not 8 hours in a cage), or we don't meet up. Christmas day would be the same arrangement.

DishingOutDone · 05/12/2019 16:52

BTW When I say my last dog was fine with kids, the arrangement was the same, doesn't matter how fine with kids I reckon he was - dogs and kids not in same house, then there is 0% chance of anything unwelcome happening and everyone can have a good time.

lifeisgoodagain · 05/12/2019 16:58

I completely understand your reservations about the dog but to be honest I do take my dog everywhere, he even came to work today but he's well trained and under my control, nor is he a bull type breed (no one is afraid of sheepdogs though mine can be quite guard dog like)

Throckmorton · 05/12/2019 17:02

Oh my word BlueRaven, she is adorable!!

Original poster

Bingcankissmyass · 05/12/2019 17:37

Thanks all! Definitely going to stay at home, it's been years since I cooked a Christmas dinner when I say we have a great relationship, I mean in the sense of shes not totally batshit (having read some threads on Mils, mine seems almost normal!) @SusanneLinder her other dog got ill and had to be put down, I'm not sure if it was something to do with the breed of dog itself (not a doggo expert, I just like doggo cuddles!) @70isaLimitNotaTarget I think its unfortunately the latter with her DH😖

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