To be concerned his parents still don't know about me?

[confused1984]

Currently in a LDR with bf for 10 months. Before this we dated for 1 year, broke up, reconnected. We are both in our 30s, no kids.

I'm 100% sure he's not cheating, but even now his parents still don't know about me. They didn't know about me the first time round either. I asked him about it and he said that he just doesn't have that type of relationship with them where he'd discuss that. He said he thinks they suspect he's seeing someone but have never asked him for details and he's never offered them.

He's very close to his parents so this strikes me as odd. They met his exes but I don't know at what stage so nothing to compare to really. He's planning to relocate to be with me next year so seems strange his parents know nothing about me.

Classic example - we were in the car going on a weekend break and his dad called. They proceeded to have a conversation and he told his dad on the phone he was just on his way to X but they didn't ask who with. I just sat there in silence pretending I wasn't there for 15 mins.

His friends know about me, although I haven't met many yet. I've been invited to a couple of parties but for various reasons couldn't attend.

He's met my friends and I was planning to introduce him to my family at Xmas (they all know about him) but I'm starting to feel anxious about that as it's a big step for me to introduce partners to family and don't do it often. I'm starting to feel like it's unreciprocated.

I don't really want to push him into it because I feel like he should want to do it himself. Plus I think i'd come off as needy.

Am I thinking too much into it?

My DBIL has never introduced a significant other to his family despite their (often discussed) closeness. I accidentally saw some photos he left in our house after a visit, proving he has had relationships, he even dropped some huge hints on the phone to me on one occasion, despite never saying anything to DH. He's now in his 60's.

Are there any cultural or religious differences at play?

Agree. I did the same. Superficially good relationship with parents, but really not at all- to the extent that I worried meeting before a year could negatively impact upon our relationship. They are hard work..... DP was warned by his parents that there might be more to this, really there wasn't. Still very happy five years later, getting married soon.

My advice (if you continue to see him) would be to deliberately exclude him from all family gatherings and meetups with friends. Make him wonder if you are at all serious or committed to him. Because he is excluding you and it is hurtful to be kept a secret after a year.

I don't think there's a simple answer to this. My BiL is 35, single, and very close to his Mum - goes and visits her every two or three weeks, helps round the house etc, - but I can imagine that hell would freeze over before he mentioned a partner to her until it became so serious (cohabiting or marriage) that it was unavoidable. He's a lovely, lovely guy, but it's just something he wouldn't discuss for fear of inquisition/overinvestment/her getting scared off.

On the other hand, I dated someone once who wouldn't even tell work colleagues we were an item. She told her parents that when she stayed at mine she had the spare room. Yeah, she was ashamed of me.