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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you’ve gone no contact with siblings

110 replies

busyweeks78 · 04/12/2019 12:54

Do you regret it? How do you deal with still having a relationship with your parents when not talking to them? Do you plan to ever talk to them in the future?

OP posts:
MissEliza · 04/12/2019 13:05

I did with my db for a couple of years but was put under enormous pressure by dps and my dh to resume contact. I relented and six months later, my dm became very sick so it was probably for the best of the family but as a whole. However it was hard to swallow as my db had treated me so badly. I resent the pressure I was put under.
Over the next couple of years, I tried to make an effort with db and sil but got fed up with doing all the running. I haven't seen them since last Christmas and have no idea when I will see them.

slavetothemoney · 04/12/2019 13:19

I have been n/c with my brother now for 5 years this year.
We never had the best relationship growing up, he was always very aggressive and violent. There was also inappropriate sexual behaviour when we were children.
I tolerated him for many years, but when he said some vile things about me to my then 7 year old ('you're mom has poison running through her veins, you'll soon see') I cut him off completely.
I think (hope) my parents have accepted that I will never speak to him again, and they've stopped inviting us both round at the same time.
He is a vile human being and I won't be sorry the day he dies.

Original poster
busyweeks78 · 04/12/2019 15:35

Sorry you’ve both been in this situation

OP posts:
Eggies · 04/12/2019 15:52

My sister cut contact with me almost 2 years ago now, because she found out I slept with my DH before we were married (something I'm not proud of but I fell head over heels in love with him very soon after meeting so my judgement was flawed). I think unless a family member has done something absolutely evil to you and you genuinely feel you need to go NC, it's a horrible and cruel thing to do. We had been best friends all our lives by the way.

bluesatinmanolos · 04/12/2019 16:11

Eggies I'm so sorry, that's an insane thing to cut off a family member for - are you from a very religious family?

Eggies · 04/12/2019 16:17

We all have a faith, but my sis has essentially joined herself to someone who is very much like a cult-leader.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/12/2019 16:19

Eggies Do you mean she found out you slept with her husband before you got married.

I know a grand total of two people who didn’t have sex before marriage. And one is my aunt who is well into her 70s.

Practically everyone I know lived with their spouse before marriage. (I didn’t but we had loads and loads of sex and absolutely no regrets!)

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/12/2019 16:20

Sorry - got distracted by happy memories of pre-marital sex their!

The point is that if she doesn’t’t speak to anyone who had pre-marital sex then she is going to be very lonely indeed!

Busybeebeebee · 04/12/2019 16:23

My husband is currently NC with his brothers. It was over done trivial stuff caused by their jealous spouses.
I do feel for the PIL because it’s awkward but they luckily are very understanding and we’ve all agreed that hopefully sometime in the next few years everyone will calm down and be civil.

GinAndTings · 04/12/2019 16:53

I'm NC with my sister. I feel so much happier without her constant drama's and fake illnesses.

No plans to speak anytime soon.

RasberryRoyale · 04/12/2019 17:02

i have no contact with my brother and I’m so much happier for it.

MT2017 · 04/12/2019 17:05

I have no contact with my sister and I’m so much happier for it too.

No plans to speak and when I talk to DM she is hardly ever brought up.

I simply do not care.

Original poster
busyweeks78 · 04/12/2019 18:52

I kind of feel my mum would bring it up though as obviously it’s not ideal.

OP posts:
chocolatefudgecake17 · 04/12/2019 19:45

I've had no contact with one of my sisters for over 2 years. It's great. She's a horrible person. A nasty, gaslighting, selfish bitch.

I don't miss her. My parents have given up bringing it up. I highly recommend it.

mrscatmad31 · 04/12/2019 19:49

I have with one brother but as our mother is dead and all three of us don't speak to our dad, parents aren't an issue. Luckily very close to my other brother

mrscatmad31 · 04/12/2019 19:51

To add I don't regret it because he he major issues (homeless, alcoholic, drug issues, mental issues) so feel safer not having him around (would add I have tried to help him in the past)

SimplySteveRedux · 04/12/2019 21:07

NC with my toxic, dysfunctional, abusive brother. Still get the internalised monologue of being a horrid human being, not being "fair" etc though, but my mental health is better for it.

SimplySteveRedux · 04/12/2019 21:08

You'll find lots of NC people on the "Stately Homes" threads too, it's in "Relationships ".

Eggies · 04/12/2019 21:13

mumoftwoyoungkids no definitely not, I meant my own husband. Now if it was her husband I could understand the NC lol.

sonjadog · 04/12/2019 21:14

I suppose in a way I am. I just stopped contacting him and as he is incapable of making any effort himself, we now haven't spoken for about 18 months. He wasn't really awful, we are just very different people and he is very self-absorbed and I got tired of doing all the running. Our family dynamic from childhood was that women run around and martyr themselves for men who do nothing. I have refused to conform to this expectation, which has created various issues over the years. My mother thinks it is a shame we don't speak and thinks that I will change my mind and start running after him. But I won't.

gingerninja99 · 04/12/2019 21:18

I have been NC with my sister for almost 9 years now, I will discuss her when my parents bring her up and they tell me how she is doing and such but they are aware I want nothing to do with her and they understand the reasons.
The hardest part for me is when my kids ask about my childhood and I'm honest and tell them about growing up including my sister and they ask why they don't know her and I explain as best I can to a 8 & 5 year old.
I just pray that when they are older they do not want contact with her for their safety over anything else but I suppose as they get older I can fill them in properly on the reasons. As a side note her 2 daughters also are NC and they are both adults now

PentreBachCymraeg · 04/12/2019 21:20

NC with sister and much happier for it.Both parents deceased.

ToPlanZ · 04/12/2019 21:32

NC with one sister. She is the most manipulative person you can imagine, lacks any empathy, thinks she's super special and is the most self obsessed, selfish and dangerous person I've ever met.

She's blessed with a combination of good looks, initial easy charm and absolutely no conscience whatsoever. She gets everything she can out of every single person she meets. She always has to be the star turn. She's completely incapable of real feelings towards others and always portrays herself as a victim.

She doesn't believe rules including the law apply to her and has said as much. I really believe she is capable of anything and can't believe she hasn't ended up behind bars yet.

Fortunately I'm NC with parents too but it does make things awkward with my other siblings

VanyaHargreeves · 04/12/2019 21:42

I have stealthily gone very very low contact with one sister

In that, I haven't made any song or dance about it, no announcements or declarations of

I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU BECAUSE X/Y

I don't see her unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, ie no plausible excuse and I don't respond to texts unless response is essential

This has meant that I've seen her a maximum of 6 times since 2015

I've seen her so few times I can't even work out if I am miscounting.

Happy days.

user764329056 · 04/12/2019 21:42

NC with a sibling and my mother, they are both narcs and like peas in a pod, life is a lot calmer without them

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