To ask if you’ve gone no contact with siblings

[busyweeks78]

Do you regret it? How do you deal with still having a relationship with your parents when not talking to them? Do you plan to ever talk to them in the future?

I’ve been pretty much no contact with my brother for a good few years. He barely speaks to my mum anyway and my dad’s pretty much at the end of his tether with him, so hasn’t seen him for a year. It’s sad, but we’ve tried so hard over the years and it’s a one way street.

No but two of my sisters don't speak to each other and it is excruciating for the rest of us at family occasions.

I went low contact with my brother after the birth of dd1 8 years ago. We were close as children, but he was so outspokenly opposed to me having children that it became really unbearable. I didn't make a song and dance, just stopped contacting him directly and only saw him very occasionally at dm's place. There were a couple of attempts to restart our relationship, but he and his partner were directly unkind to the dc when we saw them that I didn't try again.

6 years on my relationship has actually improved loads. Db has gained an autism diagnosis (which explains so much), has separated from his unpleasant partner and sees a therapist. We still only see each other 3ish times a year, but he makes a huge effort with my dc. On dm's birthday he not only came to a county fair with us, but he also carried dd1 around on his shoulders, which she loved. In my heart I know that he isn't really bonded to my dc, I think he is making an effort because he cares about me and realised we can't have a relationship if he is anything other than positive with my dc.

So, for me, going low contact worked well. It stopped our conflict and gave space to think about our relationship.

no contact with my brother (except parent's funerals) for around 30 years, and no desire to.
He behaved inappropriately to me as a child/teenager, and in addition to that he is a nasty money grabbing scrouger.

yep my sister gave live updates on twitter about how she was going to "save " my son, real time social services visits and everything

He's over 18 now, we are doing fucking fantastic without her in our lives :)

I hear she is having struggles with her daughter

Never give any of them a second thought

Love this thread

Things must have become pretty bad for you to be considering it. I went no contact with my DS 4 years ago. I no longer have a knot in my stomach and the dread of being bombarded with abusive phone calls or texts is something I no longer need to worry about. My advice is put your own mental health and happiness above everything else. Good luck to you xx

I cant be around my youngest sister. Used to be close but she cannot accept a faith choice I have made (feels there is an underlying criticism of her lifestyle) although I find it perfectly easy to accept her choices, she is really nasty about mine. Really condescending, rude, cruel and downright spiteful.

Is difficult for my parents but they dont know the true extent of her behaviour, or the viciousness of her words.

I’ve been nc with my sister for 7 years. We had a big fall out and then neither of us spoke to each other and then time passed. It is hard. I don’t regret it as it is certainly better for my mental health, and probably hers.

It is very hard on my mum. Trying to balance not being a go between without lying to each of us - well, she doesn’t manage well. It makes her very sad.

This thread really is giving me pause for thought. So much for families - love and closeness and blood being thicker than water.

My brother [4 years older than me] used to hit me and beat me up when I was young. He also sexually abused me [first time I have ever acknowledged that!!!]
I have had nothing to do with him since approx 1977.
My husband has never met him.

NC for 15 years with 2 half birth siblings because they were so tied up in birth mothers toxic bullshit.
I ruined her life by being born at 18 and then taken away.
Yeah all the fault of a baby!
Met another much younger half sibling but from birth father a few years ago.
Made loads of effort with her because we had kids the same age but she is absolutely bat shit crazy and emotionally abusive.
She got very upset because she thought it was wrong I was so close to my adoptive family ( aka real loving , non head fuck family)
and particularly turned nasty with the sister I'm closest too .
Despite the fact my Dsis and my family all live in America and I only see them once a year.
I would drive for 5 hours and stay in a hotel with my disabled DC frequently to see bat shit English sis but she never , ever once made the trip here and I live in a nice seaside town with loads for her 3 DC to do and a house big enough to accommodate everyone. Own bathrooms and the whole top floor to herself.
Also when I visited she would suggested expensive places to visit and I'd agree and it was always assumed that I'd pay .
Which I happily did but honestly the way she would bitch at my other Dsis on FB was vile and she purposely booked her wedding the same weekend in July as Dsis in America
who had arranged everything 2 years prior, then demanded I choose who's wedding I attended and if I chose Dsis she would never talk to me again.
Of course I went to America. We had flights booked for 10 months and my DF is seriously unwell.
It would have hurt him a lot.
Bat shit sis stopped talking to me and then had a u turn about 3 months later.
I told her very politely that I wasn't interested and to have a nice life but leave me alone.
My birth family are just awful.
So grateful I was adopted by my DF.

My sister is a poisonous(and thieving) cow. I don't plan to ever speak to her again and nor does my brother. My parents spend time with me and my brother separately to her. She very rarely bothers with my parents unless she wants money or is lurking around on the hunt for a babysitter. My parents don't even like her really.

I was NC with my sister for better part of 3 years. I'm glad to say that she turned her life around and we're working on our relationship. If she goes downhill again and bring negativity and stress with her then I know and she knows I'm more than capable of going back NC. Our parents never mentioned the NC, they thought by doing so they would make matters worse maybe.

Very LC with sister, only talk around 3 or 4 times a year.

We are completely different people, always were chalk and cheese as kids and never got throughout any stages of childhood, early adulthood, adulthood.

I don't believe that if someone is a blood related, you should automatically socialise with them, visit, etc.

I also don't have any contact with my cousins, auntie and uncle..again no big dramatic reason just not my kind of people and they never were.

My divorced parents don't seem to think it unusual to be honest, they've never mentioned it.

I've been NC with my sister for a few years now. She's going through some kind of mid life crisis where absolutely everyone and everything besides her son & daughter are against her. She threw out her husband for no obvious reason, turned her children against him. Gave up her job after a row with a boss. Has stand up arguments with her neighbours, tradesmen doing work to her house, refuses to go into ever increasing numbers of shops because of arguments with them. She was exhausting to listen to - just never ending tales of woe and how she and her children always get targetted etc. It's definitely a downward spiral. Now her son has gone the same way - a string of failed relationships (never his fault), thrown out of several rented properties (apparently all crap landlords, never his fault), a string of job sackings (never his fault). Life is so much happier without her constant whining and whingeing, jealousy/envy of literally everyone she knows, etc.

Following with interest as DP is considering going NC with his brother and SIL and I haven’t been sure he should do it. The brother hasn’t done any one particularly bad thing, they are just always horrible to us when we see them (say hurtful things etc).

We are getting married next year so not sure if we should just stay low contact until after that to avoid any family drama and then cut contact afterwards? Or cut contact now and hope the drama has died down in a year’s time? I worry DP will regret not having him there.

Awkward issue is that if he is there he will need to be an usher due to long standing family tradition. If he’s not asked to be one then he won’t come and that would also cause family drama

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m so sorry that so many others have been in a similar position. I would have thought it was quite rare. ):

NC with sis for over 3 years except for a brief reconciliation which was very brief as I realised very quickly that she was just the same.

I always thought we were extremely close as we spoke every day. Looking back she was very critical of my friends and my choices in life. So much so that I struggled with friendships. I never quite felt comfortable in when I was with her when other people were there. Her friends never seemed to like me either and I never understood why. I have since found out what she used to say about me. It was all designed to make her sound like a victim. Her ex husband and a friend of 20 years has also received the same treatment and her children hate us all.

It was hard for my DP's and it has changed our relationship. I have struggled with my dad in particular as he chose to believe alot of what she said. Since she was caught out on what particular lie a year ago, they have not mentioned her again.

I had some counselling and rebuilt my life. - it sounds dramatic but it was life changing and I fell to pieces. (You question yourself when everyone is pointing the finger of blame at you). I now have a huge social circle of friends and am training in a career that I love.

I wish her the best, I really do. I am deeply saddened by it all but I have also made peace with it. I dont plan on ever seeing her again and actively avoid her so that I dont have to.

I'm NC with my brother as of four months ago. I try not to dwell on it or I get upset. I've never met my niece and he hasn't met his nephew. With Christmas approaching it's harder but he doesn't live in the UK anymore which at least means no awkward family occasions.

This is after years of him doing the same to me for months on end for ever daring to suggest that he was being unreasonable. He didn't invite me to his wedding and didn't know I was pregnant with my first till I was 8 months gone. He suffers from mental health issues but I'd just had enough this time and need to protect my own family.

It's such a shame because we were really close growing up but he had drug and alcohol issues which completely changed him. I'm also from a really small family with divorced parents who don't speak to each other so I'm really sad for the future but I have a great DH and two lovely DCs so I have a lot to be grateful for.

@Eggies
Wow is your sister a religious freak? Why should it even matter if you did sleep together before marriage? So Judgemental

Some very sad stories however this thread has made me realise that sometimes it’s best for your mental health.

Haven't spoken to my brother and his wife for about twenty years,they moved, I haven't a clue where they live, and I couldn't give a flying duck.

My DP went NC with his sibling not too long after our DC was born for various reasons It doesn't have much impact on our lives to be honest, the only time they have any kind of contact is when a major family event happens and even then it's not in any kind of depth.

I was very low contact with my sister for a number of years, which was easy in a way as she lived 3 hours drive away, but in the same place as my mum. So just never contacted her directly apart from very occasionally she'd call me as Christmas etc. But when I visited my mum, or on quire rare occasions sister accompanied mum to where i live I would see, speak to her etc. She had this idealised notion of us as great sisters as we were close when young, but years of her drug addiction, lies and manipulation ruined that.

It wasn't too bad for my mum as we were 'got on' when together, the worst thing for my mum was the years long stress my sister caused her which contributed to me going LC, but I did feel guilty as my mum couldn't just disengage and had to endure the stress, deal with my sister wrecked and all her traumas and dramas.

Sadly my sister died of an overdose a couple of years ago, which was horrendous, but in a way a feel I grieved her a long time ago as lost any chance of a sibling relationship.

Does anyone else who is LC / NC just feel real sadness never to have that lifelong sibling bond / friendship that some people have?

Does anyone else who is LC / NC just feel real sadness never to have that lifelong sibling bond / friendship that some people have?

Yes and it is made worse by the fact that when people hear I have 2 older siblings, plus with knowledge of my personal situation they always say :

Oh they must make such a fuss of you, you must be spoiled by them

When the reverse is true and the oldest particularly goes out of her way to create issues and enjoys isolating me.

This makes this time of the year particularly difficult as it make me feel like a viewer of festivities and not a participant