Did I miss the memo?

[llamalana]

DH and I have been together 16+years, married for 11 with three children and live in an older home which we always intended to do up when we had more money and time. While we wait for that or if we have visitors coming to stay, I paint rooms and try and declutter or add furniture etc to make our home comfortable/ less of an eyesore. DH is not especially practical or handy. Things are starting to fall apart somewhat (2 kitchen drawers broken, bathroom cupboard doors broken, curtain linings in rags etc) and I am patiently waiting for DH to finish some of these projects as he makes a start, buys special tools to support work but rarely completes jobs so we now have half fixed cupboard doors lying against walls, kitchen drawers on work surface in kitchen until I got fed up and moved them to bedroom to get them out of the way etc. Yesterday he said that he doesn't know what is a priority for me so he isn't clear on what to finish. (And is therefore just not finishing anything.) I am a bit startled as I was operating from point of view that we both own house, both can see jobs that need doing and surely we just crack on and do those jobs and if we're both doing that with that mindset, eventually lots of these loose ends will just be completed. I wasn't aware that he was looking to me to prioritise this for him. Am I going nuts? Or could I expect that as a grown man he could decide to complete the jobs that need doing? I genuinely don't want to be the one in charge of directing how our house maintenance plays out, I was after an equal partnership. I feel like I missed the memo that said I should be deciding about and directing this. (BTW, I would be more than happy to outsource whatever needs doing but DH buys tools, makes a start and then....)

[Andysbestadventure]

@MumOf1plusBump replying to your post on the first page... Erm. What the effing hell?

He's a grown fucking man. She isn't his mother or boss! Christ, I hope to god you don't have sons otherwise their future partners will hate what you have done to them if you pander to them and micromanage them like that too.

[Claustrophobia]

My advice: book a tradesperson to do the jobs. They’ll be done fast, correct and you won’t have the stress of half finished projects cluttering up your house.

Your DP might kick off about this, but explain you prioritised getting a professional over his half-assed DIY attempts.
WizardofAus

YYY to all of this.

Also agree with the comment on plumbing. Not a DIY job!

Tell DH your love language is acts of service, not tokens.

[CSIblonde]

It sounds like he gets bored of a task once he's started it more than it being difficulty prioritising. Maybe draw up a list together & see if it changes. If stuff is still left unfinished I'd You Tube it, as I like learning DIY stuff & if its. too much to take on, then get someone in. The half arsedness of the current stuff would really get my goat.

[Dinosauraddict]

We live in an old Edwardian house that needed a lot of work (moved in last year). We did all the big/structural stuff from new ceilings/plastering to new kitchen last year - both that needed professionals - and are only now getting to the 'other stuff'. As I'm 6 months pregnant all the little things were really bothering me, so I became the PM! I created a Trello board of every job that needed doing room by room. Some I could do myself, some I needed DH for, and we are working through them. I RAG rated each job so priorities were clear, and we're really getting there! I'm aware of what we can/can't do so have booked professionals where necessary (such as a carpenter to make a strange size stable door) but DH and I have also learnt new skills (he did grouting for the first time ever this week).

[vivacian]

My DH is a joiner and if I had £10 for every long-suffering woman who phoned him pleading, “Please fix my husband’s DIY fuck up/my husband has left 100 DIY jobs unfinished”.... I’d be a rich woman.

What?! Presumably you have received a tenner every time, that’s what customers do.

[gingersausage]

@CanIHaveADrink from my point of view it’s not about women doing everything v men being useless though, it’s about who cares more about the job in hand.

The OP is obviously bothered about the DIY getting done, her husband isn’t so to me it makes sense that she sorts it. Not everything has to be a power struggle. My husband does things that I couldn’t care less about because otherwise they wouldn’t get done; he could nag or hint or huff and puff till the cows come home but I couldn’t give a shit if the dishwasher is loaded “properly” or the rug is straightened or the lid is put back on the toothpaste. Likewise he doesn’t care if there are crumbs on the counter or the door seal on the washer is dried after use. We do what bothers us and don’t waste time on petty resentments 🤷‍♀️.