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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by extravagant elves?

270 replies

dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 16:02

My social media is full of joyous parents sharing the antics of their elves. All fine, I even partake myself.

But why are the elves now bringing Christmas pyjamas, selection boxes, gifts, teddies and even tickets to events? Surely this is going to cause endless confusion amongst children whose elves (if they even have one) don’t???

Why can’t those gifts come from the parents?

OP posts:
changeforprivacy · 02/12/2019 21:06

My 6 year old asks why all her friends have got an elf but she hasn't. I refuse to give in to it as quite frankly my life is busy enough without the time and expense of having an elf. I feel sad for her that so many have an elf she's now in a minority especially as she's at the age where a magic elf is perfectly plausible!

You feel sad for her but you have put her into the minority. I don't understand how he busy life, it takes a minute, 2 mins tops, to move an elf.

Makes no difference if people have elves or not but don't act like your DD is hard done by for not having one when it's your own choice

GunpowderGelatine · 02/12/2019 21:10

I agree with you OP. Our elf mainly gets up to hijinks with the teddies. I do fear a little for what the future will look like for all these overindulged little darlings. No wonder they have issues keeping up with theirs peers by the time they reach teenage age! Children and young people's lives seem to be one big game of one-upmanship

Aragog · 02/12/2019 21:24

Cuppachino - YOu said it was all over 'our' social media. I assumed by our you meant everyone's. I wasn't to realise you actually only meant your own social media. I simply responded by saying that it isn't all over everyone's social media. Certainly isn't all over mine.

worriedandannoyed · 02/12/2019 21:40

@changeforprivacy I'm a single working skint mum. It's not my choice to be this way believe me. Once my kids are in bed I collapse into bed myself. I'd rather spend my money more carefully on well thought out presents for her. Not more plastic rubbish that will be binned in a few days

LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2019 21:45

Wifework

It’s not work if you want to do it though.

And if you don’t want to do it, no problem, it’s not compulsory.

HeckyPeck · 02/12/2019 21:48

My kids are too young, but when the time comes I'm planning to tell them we cant have an elf here because they're scared of the dogs

We said the cat would eat it 😆

Itsrebekahvardysaccount · 02/12/2019 21:50

Ahh this thread is ridiculous now everyone.

CheshireChat · 02/12/2019 21:50

Actually you can spend virtually nothing beyond the £2 for the actual elf and toys make great props.

Not that anyone has to adopt any new traditions, just pointing this out as you mentioned your daughter was a bit sad about the lack of elf.

LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2019 21:52

I'd rather spend my money more carefully on well thought out presents for her. Not more plastic rubbish that will be binned in a few days

Are you talking about the elf?

Mine cost 5 euro. That was three years ago and I expect to get a lot more of those out of him.

I haven’t spent a single penny on the elf apart from that.

The expense argument against the elf always puzzles me. That’s the beauty of it is that you can get so much fun out of it, while spending so little.

LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2019 21:52

X post Smile

tashakg89 · 02/12/2019 21:58

My elves came on Sunday and left advent Callander, pjs, craft materials to make cards and gingerbread house to make. I also changed their bedding to xmas bedding whilst they were asleep.
I would be buying this stuff anyway so why not let them believe that the elves bought it. They will believe in magic for such a short time in their life so I believe in making the most of it!
We don't do xmas eve boxes though, I guess the elves bringing their stuff on the 1st is my version of an xmas eve box.

FreedomfromPE · 02/12/2019 22:01

Minority? Really I think it's the minority that have it. Excellent piece of selling to that parental guilt and insecurity that you dont try or aren't imaginative enough to come up with anything yourself.

georgialondon · 02/12/2019 22:11

No elves at all in our house!

changeforprivacy · 02/12/2019 22:19

I'm a single working skint mum. It's not my choice to be this way believe me. Once my kids are in bed I collapse into bed myself. I'd rather spend my money more carefully on well thought out presents for her. Not more plastic rubbish that will be binned in a few days

Meh. It's a couple of quid and a couple of minutes. Fine if you don't want to do it, personal choice and all that, but don't play the martyr with your in feel sad for her' nonsense. You could change that if you wanted to.

MazDazzle · 02/12/2019 22:20

At my DC’s school, other pupils’ elves have brought...

a puppy,
a holiday,
cinema tickets,
teepee tents/sleepover set up for all their friends

and last, but by no means least, the keys to a new house! Completely decorated and furnished.

Our elf reads the other toys a story, or hangs toilet roll from the Christmas tree, or writes cheeky messages with mum’s lipstick on the mirror. Our elf is low key!

Equalfairy · 02/12/2019 22:25

I do wonder where all of this will end.
We do elf on the shelf for the last two years. I also do Christmas Eve boxes but nothing extravagant just pjs and a dvd.
And I considered getting some small stickers books etc for the elf to bring ds at random points this month.
But then I thought he is going to expect gifts from the elf every year. And also where does it end?
It doesn’t seem much but when I think about how much things have ramped up in recent years with Christmas Eve boxes etc there just seems to be more and more pressure. Even if you have the cash it’s also the organisation.
So I agree with you op.
It’s difficult enough to explain the local appeals that are held for donations for children’s presents, and why Santa doesn’t provide for poor children, without also having elf presents to contend with.

LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2019 22:27

Our elf is low key!

God yes us too. He hides in the fruit basket and DS thinks that’s brilliant. Grin

Original poster
dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 22:29

That’s even beyond the excessiveness (?) I could have imagined. I just don’t get it. Why don’t the parents want the children to know they’ve bought the puppy, house or holiday? My children know we make certain choices to afford our holidays whether it’s that we work or we don’t do x, y or z.

It’s a lot easier to explain to children (all, not just my own) that parents make different choices, have different jobs or buy different things than explaining why the elf does such different things. There’s a post that’s gone around Facebook for a few years basically explaining this from the point of view of a social worker. So many children are lucky to wake up to a packet of crayons and a doll box on Christmas Day from Santa and their parents will have done their best for that, yet polly at school got a pony, an iPad and a trip to florida or Santa. How do you explain that to a child.

OP posts:
Shallistayorshalligo · 02/12/2019 22:29
Xmas Grin
LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2019 22:31

I do wonder where all of this will end.

It ends where you want it to end.

Like anything else in life, you do as much as you can/want/value. Then you draw the line.

Nojustyou · 02/12/2019 22:31

It's a couple of quid and a couple of minutes. Fine if you don't want to do it, personal choice and all that, but don't play the martyr with your in feel sad for her' nonsense. You could change that if you wanted to.

completely agree with that. Don't do it because you don't want to, which is absolutely fine.
Don't pretend you can't. It took me 5 minutes on pinterest to make a list of elf mischiefs for the month. I might even have an original idea for one or 2 of the days.

Kids happy, no effort, no spending I did find a bag of cotton balls that will be used though-

It's not mandatory, and it's really not a big deal.

Fakeflowersaremynewnormal · 02/12/2019 22:33

This reminds me of an episode of Modern family where they parents had accidentally left $100 bill from the tooth fairy (I think they were a bit drunk) they were scared the other parents would hate them and were trying to get it back.

Nojustyou · 02/12/2019 22:36

Why don’t the parents want the children to know they’ve bought the puppy, house or holiday?

None of these qualify as a "gift" in my house to be fair, but if I apply the idea to other things, why would parents want them to know?

I don't understand the need for parents to take the credit of anything. Kids are only little for a short time, they believe in magic for a little while. Santa can bring every single Christmas gift, but it's only Christmas, at most it's only December. You can still tell your kids you can't afford things when they ask for them.

They will know soon enough that Santa is not real, you'll get the credit then. Who cares, it's about your kids being happy, it's not about the parents.

Original poster
dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 22:40

It’s the inequity when Santa can’t bring it to all children. Why do your children deserve it off Santa but Jack who has a single disabled mother living off her PIP payment in London barely gets a Spider-Man figure off him.

OP posts:
GuyFawkesDay · 02/12/2019 22:40

My elf sets low expectations.

He gets up to mischief, such as eating chocolates and playing with the toys.

None of that presents stuff. He's.keaves new PJ's/onesie and hot choc on Xmas Eve.

The PJ's would be in the present pile anyway.

It's a bit of fun . Our elf was £2 from the works and we've had £2 of fun and then some with him.

I did once think about doing a parody elf account making rude elf antics.....that'd be quite funny