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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by extravagant elves?

270 replies

dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 16:02

My social media is full of joyous parents sharing the antics of their elves. All fine, I even partake myself.

But why are the elves now bringing Christmas pyjamas, selection boxes, gifts, teddies and even tickets to events? Surely this is going to cause endless confusion amongst children whose elves (if they even have one) don’t???

Why can’t those gifts come from the parents?

OP posts:
Anonanonanonanonanonanonanon · 03/12/2019 19:00

PJs on Christmas Eve is an excellent ruse to get the children to go willingly to bed (in their new pyjamas). Ours always appear in the fireplace around 7pm, as though Santa has just flown overhead on his way to somewhere else and dropped them by mistake. Then there is time to put the PJs on, watch a film and off they pop.

EOTS is great when just a bit of fun but mostly an abomination, when used as a means of control - as though he's been sent to report back on their behaviour (ditto Santa's Spycam). When my kids asked me why we didn't have an Elf on the Shelf I said, "because they are for Mums and Dads who are so unconfident in their parenting skills that they feel they need to use the threat of no presents to get their children to behave in December". This probably contributed to them not really believing in Santa, despite the mystical appearance of PJs in the fireplace.

Ellyess · 03/12/2019 19:17

Wintersleep
AAH! Thanks so much that has helped and v kind of you to give me so much detail. I'm really a granny but for a while I was "mum" to a little one so joined mumsnet for help and ideas etc. Anyway, this sounds like even more demanding pressure on very busy parents to me! I know some go a long way making advent calendar presents which I used to think was OTT when a simple sweet would suffice or in my day it was looking to see what the picture was! - and it would be about the birth of Jesus!

I saw 'the elf on the shelf' somewhere and thought he was ugly so I ignored him! I have made up things about my dog being able to fly and of course she talks to me.... my various children/ grandchildren believe this up to about 7 yrs.... But this elf doing stuff..? telling tales to FC and having to go out shopping... ? Hmmm. what with Christmas parties local/school plays, village/local/school carol services and the same at Church and Cubs and Brownies... It's TOO MUCH! The kids are getting swamped with stuff.
I remember my teacher when we were 10 asking us to put our heads on our arms on our desks and imagine we had never heard the story before. She turned out the lights and lit a candle and told us the Christmas story. It was so beautiful I have never forgotten!
Similarly, our Headmaster when I was 8 told us the story of the carol of "Good King Wenceslas" and made us think about how it was to have nothing and be cold and hungry and also how it was to go out in the cold when you could stay in by the fire. He really did make us learn what giving and receiving were really about.
Today we are flooding children with too much sugar coated imaginary rubbish that does not last so they just ask for more. It doesn't men we don't love them if we hold back on all these presents. To really talk to them and tell them about things in the way my Teacher and Headmaster did will be a gift that stays with them all their lives. It changes you, to learn about poor people and good people when you really are helped to understand like that. It's a lasting gift.

Jack80 · 03/12/2019 19:34

It is parents trying to show off its mean to be a bit of fun

Anonanonanonanonanonanonanon · 03/12/2019 20:01

@Ellyess. Yes!

Ellyess · 03/12/2019 20:18

Jack80. Yes! I took a look at Elf on Shelf and it is a bit of fun! I can see how lovely it is without needing to go crazy. Thanks for explaining it's "parents trying to show off". I understand! It was ever thus! When I had my first round of being mum (my actual mum stage - later I was looking after a young child whose mother needed help) it was some years ago, ahem, before mobile phones and internet, ahem. But the show-off mums still did their thing. No matter what was going on, their child had more of it, was better at it, mummy did a fantastic one of ... whatever it was.. and so on. The worst was that after the school journey when the final year at primary went away for a week they made a big folder of their work from it. The parents just did it all! They made graphs and charts and print-outs and you-name-it and practically produced a fully bound book of it and then said their child did it all...
Times might change but people don't change, FB just gives them a wider audience to which they may hold up their latest boasts! But they make fools of themselves because every good parent is looking at them and laughing at them.
Just love your children and talk to them. Life is so busy. If you like the magic elf, please don't make him raise the children's expectations of receiving more and more. Maybe Elf can talk about how he liked how kind they were. Or he can tell stories that make them think, like my Teacher. But use it to make some time to be together and to talk to each other.

Thanks if you put up with me. I'm getting old actually and I get sentimental.

midnightmisssuki · 03/12/2019 20:22

i dont partake myself - but i know someone who does - her bloody elf arrived IN a see through balloon. I mean - what?!?! Who does that right?! It almost like competitive elf-sharing. Bizarre.

Ellyess · 03/12/2019 20:27

Anonanonanonanonanonanonanon

I think I would have been like you regarding this elf, when you said:.
"When my kids asked me why we didn't have an Elf on the Shelf I said, "because they are for Mums and Dads who are so unconfident in their parenting skills that they feel they need to use the threat of no presents to get their children to behave in December".

I'm not happy about an elf whose there to spy on the children. He'd have to be a very positive and kind elf to be allowed in our house, but the flying to the N Pole each night would not be believable*. I didn't take to the commercial one at all. Too spooky!

*OK Father Christmas flies round the world in one night - well while it's night over each country..... He's different.

Ellyess · 03/12/2019 20:29

-whose- who's or who is there... Blooming spell thingy...

DreamTheMoors · 03/12/2019 20:30

This. ^^^👆👆👆👆👆

Ellyess · 03/12/2019 20:30

My -strikeout- doesn't work...

aggitatedstate · 03/12/2019 20:32

LOAD of shit

musketeers123 · 03/12/2019 20:33

No. Not for us. Has gone totally commercial / bragging on Social Media... My children have never had an Elf on the Shelf, and have shown no interest in it at all ! My DD did comment that her friend's mum poured a glass of wine each evening (to check on the frigging Elf ...) now THAT is something to consider...

Whatsername177 · 03/12/2019 20:37

I don't do elf on a shelf, but we have a wooden advent calendar that Santa's elves put little tasks in for our kids. Some are practical: tidy your rooms Santa doesn't trip over all of your shit etc. Some are an act of kindness: make a nice card for grandma/buy a little present for your teacher/donate food to reverse advent etc. Three are genuine treats: the trip to see santa, a trip out with the extended family (we would go anyway, I only used it as a task because it fills a slot), and a christmas movie night. I also do a Christmas eve box with PJs, the magic key, stockings to hang and an activity for the day - panto or bowling or something. I don't post any of it on SM. Its lovely to make a bit of magic for my kids. They are only little for such a short time. I don't care what anyone else thinks, which is why I don't bother to post on SM (actually don't bother generally, not just at Christmas). My dd knows that everyone does Christmas differently all over the world (she was telling me earlier about the Icelandic tradition of 'yule lads') so she doesn't get confused when we do things differently to her cousins and friends.

ItFigures · 03/12/2019 20:39

My dd is too young to partake in the elf on the shelf craze but, when she’s older I will likely participate. I get that some parents are more extravagant than others but at the end of the day I don’t care. I don’t do the whole competitive parenting shite. I have the same view on Christmas presents. I won’t be posting my daughters ‘pile’ of presents but again, each to their own.

Darbs76 · 03/12/2019 20:40

This sort of excess drives me nuts. As if Christmas isn’t expensive (or extravagant) enough

GrammaH · 03/12/2019 20:44

Sorry, I've no idea what you're all talking about! My DGC & their parents don't have an elf so I'm a bit lost. It seems like a good money spinner for the shops though & a way of indulging kids even more than ever. Isn't Christmas Day enough any more? Is everyone now so wealthy they're looking for yet more ways of spending their money??

Youneverknowwhatyourgonnaget · 03/12/2019 21:07

I do the elf but he literally moves from one place to another and even that can become a pain but it is nice to see my boy jump out of bed to go search for him. I also do a xmas eve box but put in a xmas dvd that we already own, xmas book that we already own, our own Xmas mugs with a sachet of hot chocolate each and new pjs which as always been standard in my family.you don’t have to spend loads to make special memories!

Pawsandnoses · 03/12/2019 21:17

Can't stand the Elf thing. My mum has got one for DD at their house and that annoys me enough. We send letters to santa through royal mail, leave out a glass ~bottle~ of sherry and a mince pie on Christmas eve so that santa and Rudolph can have a jolly Christmas. I just can't be on board with footprint stencils, reindeer food, xmas eve boxes, Elves!!!...

Ellyess · 03/12/2019 21:44

aggitatedstate I like your brevity. Being paranoid though, is it the elf situation that's a load of shit? Nothing I said I hope - I'd sincerely never want to hurt anybody.

To all Mums and Dads and Carers, I really hope the run-up to Christmas goes well, that you don't get over-tired, that you achieve the shopping to your satisfaction, that a little goes a long way, that you have real quality time with your family and see your children doing wonderful things, that you have time to chat with your little ones and that Christmas morning brings you all together happily. God bless you all.

FizzyIce · 03/12/2019 21:47

A friend of my daughters has just come back from Lapland , I wouldn’t mind but she told dd the elf brought her the trip tickets .
Fucked me right off as dd wants to know why she doesn’t have an Elf .
Cunts

OverByYer · 03/12/2019 21:50

Yet another stupid American tradition. Up there with gender reveals and baby showers for grabbiness.
FB is a competitive bore right now with friends trying to out-Elf each other

FaveNumberIs2 · 03/12/2019 22:39

I always thought the elves were supposed to do naughty things, not bring gifts. (My kids are grown up now so I really don’t care what other people do)

BunsyGirl · 04/12/2019 06:13

I was a late comer to the Elf party - I got one last year after my children started asking why they didn’t have one. They absolutely love it. My six year old is laid next to me now telling me that he thinks that the Elf has been flying above us whilst we sleep! He truly believes and that is so magical.

BackBoiler · 04/12/2019 06:18

I've never done the elf just because it's another thing I would have to remember to do everyday!

WutheringFrights · 04/12/2019 06:19

My MIL bought our elf and it has been a pain in the arse ever since it arrived!

We never do anything extravagant with it though. It just moves around the house.

Although at 2.30am yesterday I hauled my arse out of bed to do something with it so the DC weren’t disappointed.

Last night DH was in charge so the elf is now upside down in his elf bed with an empty miniature of whiskey.....

On a positive note the DC aren’t allowed to go and find him until they’ve got dressed ready for school and they are both writing him letters every day so it’s encouraging them to write (but if course he has to bloody reply!)