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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really detest Christmas

156 replies

Kingoftheroad · 01/12/2019 23:08

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this? I go through the motions for the family but I loathe putting up the tree, decorating the house, wrapping, shopping. I listen to my friends talk about their decorating themes for this year, Christmas Day outfits etc etc and just can’t ever conjure up any excitement. I’m heading to the sun the week before Christmas to try to take the edge off but this is now adding to the stress having to think about finishing up my workload and packing.

Any tips to help me get through this

OP posts:
PerpetualCircle · 02/12/2019 13:08

My mental health always suffers at Christmas, This year will no no different.
DS’s dad has a new partner and so won’t be spending ANY of Christmas with 10 year old son, so I will have to deal with the emotional fallout from that.

I’m having my mum round Christmas Day ( she’s widowed) she will spend the day criticising my flat, and making digs about my weight.
Could really do without the extra work and expense.
Ho bloody Ho

alittleprivacy · 02/12/2019 13:34

I wish everyone would calm down about it, stop planning it months in advance, and just relax.

You understand that the planning it months in advance and the the calm relaxed enjoyment of Christmas go hand in hand? I normally have my Christmas planned months in advance and then from the last week of November onwards it's all just about having fun riding the train I set in motion months before. A month of anticipatory fun, 12 Days of Christmas, a last send off on the 6th of Jan. Next year's planning starts as I pack it all away making sure it's packed away in the opposite order it's coming back out in. Then bit by bit throughout the year I get ready for the next one. No muss no fuss, plan for it when I have time, then very little work to be done during the celebratory period.

vickibee · 02/12/2019 13:40

It has lost its true meaning in my humble opinion. It is now a retail event.
We have a simple Xmas and enjoy going to the football over thd festive period.
We enjoy thr christingle service on Xmas eve.

We only buy a meaningful gift for our son but I guess Xmas is what u want it to be

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2019 13:45

Why must a loathing of Christmas have to be explained away by either past trauma or financial worries

Because as adults Christmas is what we make it. We can go as big or small as we wish. You don't have to buy presents or have a tree, you can just have time off work and sit on the sofa eating curry in your pants if that's your idea of Xmas.

There is no rules. No one comes round and arrests you for not wearing a Xmas jumper and eating turkey.

If you hate it, then stop agreeing to do stuff uou don't want to do, and do what you wish. There are many shit parts of being an adult, but doing Xmas to please others and then whinging you loathe it simply isn't one of them.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/12/2019 13:48

I just think the pressure is immense - you can't escape it

See, I don't understand this at all. What pressure? Just because there's stuff in shops, adverts and whatnot, no-one forces anyone to take part in whichever bits they aren't interested in or don't have the energy for.

Obviously buy presents for DC and maybe a couple of activities like a trip to see Santa, grotto at the nearest stately home or country park or whatever, and the dinner can be little more than a normal roast, no need to do 5 different types of potatoes and 18 different versions of sprouts. And if you don't have DC or if they're older and not that bothered, you don't even need to do that.

Some people definitely need to think about where this pressure is coming from and how much really is self inflicted.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 02/12/2019 13:50

Christmas is meant to be a fun holiday. if it isn't, don't do it.

I buy a gift for each member of my family and go on my work xmas do and that's it. No outfit, no tree, no decorations, no special food because for me that stuff is faff that I just don't see the point or enjoyment in.

I just like being off work and having some quiet time.

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2019 13:58

See, I don't understand this at all. What pressure?

Exactly. Who's pressurising you? I have no pressure. If you do, then get your big pants on and have a word with them. It's one day a year. You can do as you wish.

Figmentofmyimagination · 02/12/2019 14:00

Many retail businesses, especially electronics, jewellery, clothes and sports stuff, are basically dependent on Christmas to keep going year to year. That's why, traditionally, stores tend to get taken into administration in January - because their lenders know that at no other point in the year will they have as much cash.

If we didn't have Christmas in its current form, especially at the moment given the precarious state of our high streets, most of them would fold and lots more people would lose their jobs.

So you kind of have to "Buy for Britain" at Christmas time in order to support our consumer-based economy.

Which is incredibly depressing, not very "Christian", the opposite of festive, and on a collision course with the environment.

Confusedbeetle · 02/12/2019 14:00

yep hate it. No bad memories, but hate all the buiild up, wasteful spending, trash, same old music, enforced jollities, enforced entertaining with relatives, tha weather , the dark evenings, badly behaved over indulged children. November and December are depressing enough months without this rubbish. People pleasing has to be top of the list

PineappleDanish · 02/12/2019 14:02

Planning months in advance sounds absolutely horrendous. Bad enough hsving to deal with it in December

Grinchly · 02/12/2019 14:04

I hate it. Utterly and completely.
See username.

MatildeHidalgo · 02/12/2019 14:05

@billy1966 It brings out all these weird, complicated feelings in me

Me too. And I can't articulate them.

but I feel privately it's a very vulgar time of year

I wish we could scale back but there are expectations from extended family ....

OMGHermes · 02/12/2019 14:13

Christmas, as ANYTHING, is what you make of them.

Don't want stress, organise things over the months before. Every week sort 1 thing. I aim to have presents done completely by 30th of November.
December is then to go and do fun things, decorate, dig out Christmas candles, send out cards, start Christmas food shopping (dry, frozen and tinned)by picking up bits there and there during normal weekly shops and watch crapload of Christmas movies.
I never go to shop after 21st of December. Ever. I dear to go back on 26th earliest.

Start prepping food on 22nd bit by bit. Peel this and that, pop in a fridge. Mix this and that, pop in a fridge. We have a 1 Christmas dinner on 24th and English one on 25th.

Just take your time, spread things over number of days and weeks and it just gets easier.

I also don't really care what other people think so that quite help with the "pressure"😁

PineappleDanish · 02/12/2019 14:22

Writing cards and shopping isn't "fun things" to a lot of people.

OMGHermes · 02/12/2019 14:24

I meant it as fun things and the other stuff. Thought that was obvious in that sentence. Not fun things: shopping and sending out cards...

Carpathian2 · 02/12/2019 14:30

I hate it too, it's all the forced jollity and endless "Are you ready for Xmas?" Shit. I have always been a single parent, so everything was down to me and, although my xh isn't a bad bloke and tried to help, I still did most of it. My late parents used to go away, they had the right idea!

I also think too much pressure is piled on women. I do less now that my dc are adults, but I now see my dd falling into the same trap. She says she loves doing it all so hey ho Hmm

FinallyHere · 02/12/2019 15:02

Could you share the load a bit? It sounds as if your Christmas is a performance you put on for the benefit of your family. How old are the DC? Could you start with a planning meeting, to agree what was going to happen and who will make it happen?

Anyone interested in a particular thing, gets to organise it, so really needs DC to be old enough to pull their weight. If they are younger, then just decide for them that it's going to be low key.

It won't be the beautiful performance that you have been providing but it will mean something to those who do it and you will not be doing most of it.

Worth a try?

Avoid the shops (on-line deliveries), avoid TV adverts (box sets) and do only things you want to do, or have bargained with another family member to do in return for something you do enjoy.

Some of my favourite memories of Christmas started when my parents started to include us in the planning so that we got a say in what happened. No enforced jollity, lots of walks and hit chocolate.

If you usually exchange gifts with many people, talk to them in plenty of time and agree whatever works for you. No gifts, charity donation or (my favourite ) buy yourself a gift from that person. Bliss.

Furrydog7 · 02/12/2019 15:40

I use to love Christmas but over the last few years i have grown to hate it. If Christmas dinner is not ready at 1 p.m sharp my family start moaning. They won't even consider having a few nibbles and having dinner a bit later to make things easier for me. They also moan if there is so much as a tiny crum on the floor. I just feel as though it is a lot of work to try and please my family and i am organised in terms of getting presents etc.

Paddington68 · 02/12/2019 15:50

Christmas Eve Box - no
Elf on the Shelf - no
Secret Santa - no
Christmas works party - always in January - hurrah
Friends discussing 'themes' - smack across the head seems reasonable.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/12/2019 15:51

Furry Do they not help prepare the dinner? Clean the house? Do the shopping, wrap the presents? If they don't take a share of the work, they don't get a right to moan.

This year tell them that they will do their share or they will get nothing. Agree who is cleaning the house, doing the shopping, preparing the veg, washing up etc etc. No way would I do all that for a load of ungrateful moaners who should be doing all they can so everyone has a nice Christmas, including you.

Fifthtimelucky · 02/12/2019 16:14

I love Christmas, and particularly love decorating the house. I have a couple of CDs of carols, and I put those on while doing the decorating. I don't do themes. Part of the reason is that it is that l love Christmas the decorations is that I love seeing the same things come out year after year. I buy perhaps one or two new things a year (this year it's two new tea light holders and a new pre-lit tree for outside, because the old one was past its best last year), but I've had most of the things for years.

We don't do Christmas Eve boxes (have only ever heard of them on Mumsnet) or Elf on a Shelf, or Christmas pyjamas, or lots of other things that some people do.

We don't do much entertaining but we have friends who always come for lunch the weekend before Christmas. The tree always goes up the day before they come and their visit counts as the beginning of Christmas as far as I'm concerned. I have another who always comes on Christmas Eve.

I love cooking Christmas lunch too. It's too much of a faff for just the 4 of us, but for the last few years my sister has come and there have been nine of us which is a decent number and manageable. As the children get older, it gets more complicated though, as there are now 3 vegetarians and one vegan, but it's turkey with all the trimmings for the rest of us.

This is the first Christmas I've been retired which will make everything much easier!

Itsrebekahvardysaccount · 02/12/2019 16:19

I hate the fact it all needs to be perfect and there’s so much pressure

lazylinguist · 02/12/2019 17:25

I don't get this 'it all needs to be perfect' thing. Says who? And who decides what constitutes 'perfect' anyway? Pressure from whom? We don't normally host for Christmas Day, but I enjoy it just as much when we do. If you're doing it all yourself, then don't! Delegate.

PineappleDanish · 02/12/2019 17:31

If you hate it, then stop agreeing to do stuff uou don't want to do, and do what you wish. There are many shit parts of being an adult, but doing Xmas to please others and then whinging you loathe it simply isn't one of them

That's all very well Bluntness but there are 5 of us living in my house. I would quite happily ignore the whole thing, not have a tree, eat a chinese takeaway on the 25th, not go to any of the carol concerts at school or shows my kids are in. As 20% of the family I do not have the freedom to dictate that they all do things my way.

PineappleDanish · 02/12/2019 17:36

My main problem with it is that it's always the same. Always. Beccause it's tradition. Always a tree. Always fairy lights. Always stockings and presents in the morning. Always forced jolly phone calls with family in the morning. Always turkey and vegetables for lunch. Always shitty movies on the telly and endless "christmas specials". Always everyone moaning about how much they've spent. Always mad rushes to the shops on Boxing Day. Always the same crappy songs, which I've heard every fucking Christmas since 1974. It is impossible to avoid, unless you literally never leave the house, never switch the telly on and never use the internet.

What other day is it expected you do exactly the same things, for your entire life? I hate it. However, I suggested to the kids we have beef instead of chicken and you'd have thought I'd suggested roasting the guinea pigs.