....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

Your post at 13.53 with the “🤷🏻‍♀️“ reads as very smug/goady, yes. All the attachment parenting wank too, as if that’s some sort of badge of honour/necessity. I do all the baby-wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping shit too and I don’t feel the need to label it “attachment parenting” and imply I am somehow much closer to my baby because of it/unable to leave them if I had to. It’s just nonsense. I genuinely don’t understand what you wanted from this thread if not just vindication from the posters who agreed with you, and to ignore/get sassy with those who don’t.

This thread in a nutshell.

-I ask if IAMBU

-Few replies at the beginning say I am not.

-Few replies say I am

-Thread is on fire. I stop reading and replying for a bit.

-People (reasonably) tell me to get better job instead of going on UC.

-I state I am not qualified for better job...but know how I can be. State that I will get qualified and get new job in 12 months time while I re-certify.

-I still get flamed and essentially told to stay in a shitty MW job that requires little to no brain power....which will cost me more than I earn, and probably cost the state more in the childcare benefits I end up having to claim to cover nursery fees.

Because apparently that's a better scenario than me using UC to get qualified and get a better life for my family.

Mumsnet is messed up.

Mumsnet is messed up

Because people don’t agree with you, and you are, of course, right? 🙄

@crispysausagerolls I don't understand where this notion that I believe I am a better parent for following AP principals has come from.

At the beginning of the thread I mentioned my family followed AP. I then followed it with the 7 b's up later when some-one essentially said it was an ethos only for the rich....and I was confused as to which one require money.

I can't be held accountable for other people's responses and opinions on that so please stop putting them on me.

@crispysausagerolls no. Because what this thread has come to is people telling me to stay in a shitty low earner and claim childcare benefits, instead of claim different benefits for a year while I re-certify and eventually get a better job (and pay more taxes!!)

That's literally it.

But...but this is AIBU and you bloody ASKED people if you were being unreasonable to claim benefits rather than work?! Were you expecting a unanimous “no?” Obviously the alternative is people thinking you ARE being unreasonable and should keep working. I am genuinely confused as to why you posted this thread when you are SO sure that your option is the only one? What was the point?

There’s a lot of bitterness and weird anger on this thread. The government does provide benefits to parents with low income. Nothing new or “gaming” about it. If OP is in a job with little to no career progression and her salary would not be able to cover anything but childcare. What would be the point? So far all I’ve heard is so she can give back into the “pot”. Yes because that’s exactly why we all go to work. For the greater good of the country. Even if it works out worse for ourselves and our family. That makes loads of sense

She’s going into education to better her career prospects and be able to provide more for her child. Which is a great thing. Enjoy the time you have with your child and on the course OP!

For all of those saying they are voting for conservatives because of this. It was the conservative government that introduced UC!

how are you going on a course if you have a baby to look after? And how much better will the pay be? given the shortness of the course and that you are planning to do it with baby in tow, it cannot be anything remotely challenging...

Because I wanted suggestions, solutions, personal experiences, open discussion and yes maybe a tiny part of me merely wanted validation.

AIBU gets more traffic than any other board here.

I was clearly stupid for even considering any of this would be an actual thing.

I was in this position after my second child as DH was a high earner so no help with nursery costs and I had a degree but was in my first sort of basic local authority admin type job at the time. I went back part time just to keep my hand in as it were and stay employable (which is even more important now!) and I’m so glad I did as ten years on I now have an excellent job which I definitely wouldn’t have without building skills and experience for those years. In the short term it’s shit but in the long term it’s honestly worth going back.

@aveenos not your fault because this thread is absurdly long, but I covered this a few posts back. I'm looking to move to a sector of work I was in around a decade ago...the course is simply to re-certify and isn't long in length. I know enough people (and was good enough at my job) to be able to make my way back in.

Just sucks that the reason I left was because it was a damn shitty job!!! But if it means a better life for my little one then needs must.

Sorry my post before my last was for @crispysausagerolls

When you originally posted, you didn't mention starting a course, which of course does seem a reasonable thing to do.

I don't think you accept that if everyone felt like you do, it wouldn't be possible to provide UC.
Absolutely right, many people have to do things that are difficult to have a better life.

Because I wanted suggestions, solutions, personal experiences, open discussion

No you didn't. You just wanted validation. You haven't provided nearly enough information for solutions, and any of the many suggestions to keep working have been shot down with attachment parenting , not paying someone else to raise your kids, or costing you money.

You will do whatever you like regardless of who pays for it. Just like the other capable non workers on UC. You are no different.

@Pomegranatepompom the course wasn't a thing when this thread started....it was a result of a discussion I had with my DH a few replies in.

Op

You are in your late 30s.

You will probably have another baby before you retrain and go back to work, so in your mid 40s

What were you doing in your 20s and 30s? You mother seemed to be ambitious and retrain in her (20s?) as a single mum? Did she not encourage you to get a career? Genuine question

With stage 3 endometriosis and being in my late thirties....no. I don't think I will have another baby.

In my twenties I was working with a high salary in a job I loathed. It took me a while to get where I was...but ultimately being diagnosed with endometriosis made an already shit job even worse, so I gave it up for a minimum wage earner.

I was comfortable and so was my partner. We got by well enough and were happy...so I saw no point in aiming higher. Especially as (very much wanted) children were seemingly off the table.

On a separate topic OP, I have stage 4 endo and have conceived twice without difficulty, despite being told it was virtually impossible. There is nothing to suggest you will not have more. This is something to bear in mind.

That is disappointing that you never thought to train for a third career while you were younger and child free. I think doing a job you hate will be difficult when you have young dc. Tbh I would probably just go back to the call centre work if you enjoyed that, even if it is low paid. Especially if you are able to find work that is flexible and can work around the dc/Dh schedule and reduce childcare costs.

I have a couple of friends who had infertility issues, they even had their first dc with ivf, who had surprised pregnancies in their early 40s. So I would suggest planning for this possibility if you are not using contraception.

So in your twenties decided to give up your high salary career for minimum wage despite assuming you wouldn't have a family..?

You've been happy in a dead end minimum wage job for what, Ten years?

Clearly you've never been very ambitious. And this lack of ambition continues today.

@StealthMama is lack of ambition a crime now too? I was happy in my low paid job and miserable in my high paid one, so sue me.

As I as a tax payer who pays loads of tax who was back full time when the babies were 2 weeks old (yes weeks not months) will be supporting you - yes go back to work even if it is at a loss as it is not fair to burden other women who work full time and pay tax.

OP you have a really poor attitude, very entitled and rude.

@Pomegranatepompom I started out polite and good humoured...tried to discuss reasonably. That didn't go down well and eventually you get to a point....after so many insults....that you honestly stop caring.