....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

Have you input the calculations to see what you would be entitled to from UC for childcare costs if you do return to work?

i feel awful dropping my 1 year old off at nursery at 7:30 and then picking her up at 5:30. There are some times when she is the youngest baby to be picked up so I feel even worse but being at work and being able to do stuff with her when we are all at home together is so much better than having no money to do anything with her all day.

When I was a Sahm, we still had money to do things on benefits, but then I live in London so may be lucky - loads of libraries and children centres all offering free play sessions with loads of activities, museums like the science museum, or simply going to the park and feeding the ducks, going for a forest walk and looking for insects and jumping in puddles... You really don't need loads of money to entertain a 1 year old

But even if you are not better off working, surely it’s a matter of pride??!?!

I don't think I'd feel pride leaving a child under 2 in childcare all day when I wouldn't have anything to show for it money wise

but if OP isn't bringing in ANY money because her whole wage goes on childcare then she still won't have any extra

Why do dad’s wages never contribute to chidcare? Why does it always come out if mums?

Household bills are generally Contributed to as a % of income on mn. Why is childcare the woman’s bill and not a household one?

If dad contributed she would have “extra” left over.

Then in 5 or 10 years she would still be financially independant with a pension should the relationship break down.

@bluebluezoo couldn't agree more!!

If you think anywhere offers as much free stuff as London, or has transport as affordable as London then quite clearly you are very blinkered. Again, people do what works for them, if people choose or have to be a SAHM makes no odds to me; but always it's fine to criticise working mums like they're sending their children off somewhere horrendous, but they're not. I agree that the man's wage never counts, surely having a child care arrangement allows him to work as well, or is it women's work.

Household bills are generally Contributed to as a % of income on mn. Why is childcare the woman’s bill and not a household one?

If dad contributed she would have “extra” left over

No she wouldn't necessary. If the father's wages covered all expenses (except childcare) with let say £1000 per year left and the childcare expenses was £3000 more than she earned, then as a family that is a loss of £2000 per year. Not many families can sustain that kind of loss yearly. Therefore she could well be better off for now to give up her job (until her child(ren) are older.

@Kpo58 thank you. I honestly don't understand how people don't see this. They're all ready to jump on the feminist 'it should be a mans cost too so you will have money left over!!!' but it's not like that.

If both mine and my partners money goes in to a big money pot (our joint account) from which all bills are paid....my entire contribution would be wiped out by the other bill that's just been added to the list.

Let's say for arguments sake:

He earns £60 a day
I earn £40 a day
Childcare costs £58 a day.

The family pot has £42 left from which to pay for all other household bills. Of which there are many! Neither he or I would have anything left over after all essential spending. It's our money to spend on all bills.

I think you should OP, you don't have a clue what's going to happen when you say you have voluntarily ditched your job and want to claim UC. It'll be a good learning curve for you.

Good luck.

Even without benefits, some people are still better off not working due to the costs of childcare. I do feel like this is a government failing. If we actually probably invested in people, we would be a far more productive country.

Why do dad’s wages never contribute to chidcare? Why does it always come out if mums?

Does it make a difference?
Whether the dad or the mum pay, the difference in the household income will be the same? Whoever pays childcare, on their two wages, the lower wage will essentially be nulled.

Imean if the dad uses his bigger wage to pay the childcare bill, OP will have the pick up the slack paying the bills he has s money usually paid, so unless they literally have completely separate finances and don't use each others money I can't see the different who pays the bill makes! They are still losing the same amount

Oh well OP if all the other mums in bumps to babies are going to do it of course it's fine.

NOT!

I think you know it's wrong really. That's why you came on here asking. Which might explain your hostility to the posters telling you so.

It's wrong because

You can work but are choosing not too. That is not what benefits are for and youre reducing the pot for the genuinely needy.

You're putting future work options in jeopardy. It's a slippery slope.

OP AIBU?
MN yes yes yes!
OP no I'm not.

Please rethink.

Imean if the dad uses his bigger wage to pay the childcare bill, OP will have the pick up the slack paying the bills he has s money usually paid, so unless they literally have completely separate finances and don't use each others money I can't see the different who pays the bill makes! They are still losing the same amount

It makes a difference as it means the woman gives up work “because her wage doesn’t cover childcare”.

If the combined wage covers childcare, bills, and enough left over why should she see it as her wage not covering? If his wage covers all family bills and spending then both wages combined with cover childcare, bills and spending.

It puts the woman in a vulnerable position financially. Why don’t they both go part time then they can each cover their “share” of childcare and both remain in the working world.

It is incredibly difficult to find work after a few years out. Especially more than min. Wage work. Plus the lost years in pension etc.

Plus it is easier to negotiate pt hours from an existing full time job than it is to find a part time job.

Where are all these nurseries that charge so much for childcare a full time wage is not enough? mine was £800 in central london so even a min wage full time job should cover that With a bit to spare, not including tax credits or childcare vouchers.

Long term women are far worse off giving up work. My mum has nothing but basic gov pension as she gave up work at 21 with her first child and had no skills to get back in the workplace. It’s shit. And will get worse as we are expected to fund our own retirement.

Let's say for arguments sake:

He earns £60 a day
I earn £40 a day
Childcare costs £58 a day.

And what if UC pays 75% of childcare costs? Then your child care costs would be £14.50 per day against an income of £110 leaving £95.50

You do not want to claim UC, I’ve had a dear friend on the phone in tears. They are getting no money this month as last month her husbands payday fell on a weekend, so he was paid on the Friday. One day early, yes a day and they class this as two payments. She is panicking about Christmas and I’m devastated for her because like me she has a DC with a disability who is a very fussy eater. Luckily I’m able to help a little but you clearly have no idea how bad universal credits can be. I know childcare is outrageous but it’s better than worrying about if you’re going to get any money at all.

You guys are super toxic. I worked since 16 and never claimed benefits but do you know what? I would pay more tax every damn time so that people aren't paying their entire wage so a stranger could raise their child for no financial benefit.

If you think welfare is what's sucking up your taxes you should do your homework. The majority of welfare is pensions anyway. We can afford to be a caring society, Tory policy and tax loop holes mean we're not. It's beneficial for a child to be with their parent at such a young ages and prioritising that benefits society.

Universal Credit isn't easy to get so if OP is eligible it's because she needs it. For those of you who leave your child for 40 hours a week for an extra tenner a month or whatever I cannot and will not understand.

@inkysplatter
And now where back to ‘a stranger raising their child’. Genuine question for all those who think working mothers are terrible for letting other people ‘raise their chid’. Do you realise that if all new mothers gave up work and claimed UC that the countries economy would collapse immediately.

There would not be enough people paying taxes to fund that amount of UC. So what do you propose is the solution to that?

@SuperDonkey well I’m a taxpayer and I don’t want my tax spent on that

@bluebluezoo because as a household, they will not be any better off. Doesn't matter who is paying for the nursery if it wipes out a whole wage.

People talking about pensions as well - OP is working in a call centre, probably on minimum wage. I doubt she is paying very much in pension contributions! A year out will hardly make a difference at all in that respect.

Universal Credit isn't easy to get so if OP is eligible it's because she needs it. For those of you who leave your child for 40 hours a week for an extra tenner a month or whatever I cannot and will not understand

It isn’t that simple. Long term it is not “an extra tenner a month*. It’s a pension, it’s financial independence should their relationship break down.

Nursery is only 3-4 years. Childcare is easier to negotiate in those years than in school years. If you want or need to work when your children are school age you really need to keep working for those 3 years.

I worked full time when my children were young. Climbed a few pay scales in those 3 years. When they went to school i negotiated part time and my dh flexitime, so they needed minimal wraparound care and school holiday care.

Now mine are teens and i am glad i stayed in work for the “extra tenner”. My pension is there so i can retire before 66 and hopefully be around for my kids if they choose to have families. We have two wages and a pretty good lifestyle.

My colleague gave up work at the same time and now cannot get back in the work place. Her husband working lots of overtime so she would struggle to work and keep on top of the housework etc. Her marriage is going through a bad patch and she is terrified in 5 years she will be single, kids will have left home so no UC, she’ll be on jobseekers allowance at 50 years old.

When 50% of men also think giving up work to sah is a good idea i might reconsider.

Also, ask yourself, why is it always the female in a relationship that earns less?

Maybe if there was equality in the workplace there would be a genuine choice for women to stop working if they choose.

Bloody shocking. It's not that you are paying over all your wages for someone else to raise your child or that you are paying to work in a call centre it's doing it so I don't have to pay for you to stay at home! Your choices, your responsibility! If you want to be a stay at home parent that is fine but that is a choice and your partner should fund that, if he can't then you should work and pay for the childcare.

Your OH, as a parent of a child now has additional rights to request flexible (or perhaps in his case) fixed working patterns

https://www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/flexible-working-and-the-law-a-guide-for-employees/

www.gov.uk/flexible-working

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/rights-at-work/parental-rights/parental-rights-at-work/

This might enable you and him to plan better so that you can both keep working, both earn, both maintain an employment history, both receive pension payments, both pay NI.

Just as paying for childcare is a joint responsibility so is actually caring for the child. So your OH could request a fixed working pattern and you could work around that and/or minimise the amount of childcare you need.

It's easier to improve your job when in a job.

Get married if you do leave work. Would you need to claim UC? Could you manage on your OH's salary if you tighten your belt?

Also pissed off at your choice of wording re paying someone else to look after your child and "stigma".

I followed attachment parenting principles and went back to work - that can be done too. You need to find a child care provider that will work with you on that.

Was anyone involved in your health care while pregnant and in labour a parent? I bet you are glad they were paying someone to care for their child so they could be at work huh?

1. Can your chap negotiate his hours/shifts - it doesn’t have to be the mum who does this.
2. Different job? Promotion?
3. The family helping with childcare?

I’m puzzled how you decided to have a child without looking in detail at the much talked about expenses having a baby? Or your partner prepare by looking for a better paid job? There’s been at least 9 months to prepare!

I think you’re enjoying the time off with your baby, which is absolutely fine, but expecting benefits for a choice, not a necessity, is not really on. You may find your mind changes as you are home longer. I personally found those early months very draining and isolated, they fed my incipient PND perfectly.

Working mums do not ‘pay other people to raise their children’. That’s a bloody offensive phrase as well as not being factual. Yes, it’s hard work having a job AND exactly the same house stuff etc. My DCs are 13 and 14 now and things are much easier (apart from them being teenagers!) have a good look at other ways of doing things. I’ve worked various patterns over the years as has dh where possible (we’re police) and you just get on with it!