To really hate this - Christmas

[Iamnotagoddess]

DH and I have 3 children each, none together, so six kids.

We have been together 10 years and have tried to always make everything the same.

Oldest kids are now in their twenties.

Before I met him I always had an idea in my head of what I could afford to spend and would do so according to whatever the kids put on their Xmas list,

We have an agreed spending limit of £100 per child, thing is his kids aged 12 and 14 know this (because he has told them) so just order £100 of shite of Amazon each year which just gets left here or taken home and wrecked.

I said maybe we should lower it Ito £80 each this year (my kids wouldn’t know) but he’s totally against it.

I think it’s just an absolute waste of money.

[Hohofortherobbers]

Total waste of money in my opinion but you may have a tough time explaining to them, they're expecting it. Do you think you could have an honest chat to them about lowering limits

[Michaelbaubles]

I get why you feel like that but I’d be very loathe to give step children any reason to feel hard done-to. It’s £60 that you’re basically paying so they feel they’re treated the same. It’s probably decent value for money when you think you want a good relationship going forward. Teenagers do not see these things logically and won’t look back and say “oh yeah I get why they did that”. Instead it’ll always be “you spent more on HER kids when they were our age than you did on us”. Even if it’s tat they don’t care about that’s not the the point to them.

[HappydaysArehere]

Is there any chance you can explain that the presents for everyone are going to be a surprise and you are getting them?
That way, at least you are in control of what you spend money on. However, you don’t want to spoil Christmas with disputes with dh so I appreciate it is difficult.

[messolini9]

DH is raising his children to know the price of everything & the value of nothing. Why does he persist in buying them tat which they are just going to wreck or leave behind? He's bonkers.

[BlackSwanGreen]

Would a reduction of £20 per child really make that much difference? I think you need to let this one go and try to stop fretting about it OP.

[Livelovebehappy]

TBH I can’t see the reason for lowering from £100 to £80. Surely they’ll still order £80 of ‘shite’ instead of the £100, so if your objection is accumulation of rubbish then you’re still going to have that, but just slightly less of it.

[drspouse]

Why does it have to be a monetary amount? Surely you just give them what they want or need if you can afford it?
Or just give them cash.

[LagunaBubbles]

This doesn't make sense, £100 isn't that much for teenagers, not really sure why they are getting stuff they don't need though!

[blackteasplease]

I’d explain to them that they need to ask for one quality thing rather than £100 of tat.

[Michaelbaubles]

But if they want a load of tat...? I mean, pretty much everything teenagers want seems like a waste of money to adults, but being allowed to choose it might be worth something to them.

[Babybel90]

Why does it have to be £100? Why not ask them to make a list of what they want then buy the things that are worth buying and put the rest of the money on their savings accounts or buy them things that they will actually use?

[NailsNeedDoing]

If you've already agreed it and you can afford it, I don't see why you'd go back on what you agreed just because you don't like what his dc choose.

Your dh wasn't wrong to tell teenage children their budget for choosing presents, lots of people do it that way. But as they now know and it would make a difference only to them and not your children if you lowered the amount, it just seems churlish of you to want to cut their budget.

[Leflic]

If they don’t actually want anything just do stocking and cash. Much easier and fairer as they are all growing up and the differences in presents get more pronounced.

[Karenisbaren]

Could you not take them out clothes shopping instead?

[Spitsandspots]

Give them cash, they can buy what they want, you don’t get crap left at your house.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Give them £100 amazon vouchers each

[KeepYourCup]

Why are they ordering their own Christmas presents?

Just ask what they want, buy the good stuff and leave off the shite.

[Hecateh]

If they are choosing shite then pick the things off their list that you can stomach as stocking fillers - maybe £10 or £20 - but the same for each and give them Cash or vouchers for the rest.
You won't have to see the crap then

[Chocmallows]

Do they enjoy picking £100 of gifts though - is it now a tradition?

[itsmecathycomehome]

It's shite to you but is, presumably, exactly what they want.

So what if they leave stuff at your house that they can use when they're with you?

How do you know that the stuff they take to their other home gets wrecked?

How long have you been paying £100 each? Because if it's been a few years it's already worth less than it was.

I also don't think it's that much money really, and would be loathe to cut it down unless I absolutely had to.

How would cash or a voucher solve the issue? They'd still spend it on stuff they'd consider shite.

Why does their xmas gift have to be something you consider worthy? I think clothes shopping is pretty joyless unless it's the only way you can afford to clothe then, or they've asked for clothes.

I think giving teens the budget is sensible, so that they don't ask for unrealistic things - an x box or a tv or a new phone.

But is a shame they order their own gifts. Why can't they do a list for their dad and him buy them?

[scubadive]

£100 per teenager/young adult isn’t much at all, why are they ordering their own presents?

Why don’t you buy them things they need/would use.

Left here

Shouldn’t they have possessions at your house?

[scubadive]

You sound like you don’t like them,

I think it’s a complete insult to them to try and save £20, what message would it send to them?

[BillHadersNewWife]

What 'shite' off Amazon do young teens actually order? Why don't you get them things that they like and don't trash? I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old and everything they get are things they badly want.

[BillHadersNewWife]

Agree it's not a lot of money...what difference will 20 quid make?

[MatildaTheCat]

How soulless. Ask them for a list and choose for them plus a couple of little bits. Or take them shopping for clothes in the sales with a couple of bits and pieces to open on the day.

They are old enough to have an understanding of a budget but also that they should make their requests wisely. Leaving stuff behind or wasting it is pretty unacceptable.