AIBU?
To really hate this - Christmas
Iamnotagoddess · 01/12/2019 21:24
DH and I have 3 children each, none together, so six kids.
We have been together 10 years and have tried to always make everything the same.
Oldest kids are now in their twenties.
Before I met him I always had an idea in my head of what I could afford to spend and would do so according to whatever the kids put on their Xmas list,
We have an agreed spending limit of £100 per child, thing is his kids aged 12 and 14 know this (because he has told them) so just order £100 of shite of Amazon each year which just gets left here or taken home and wrecked.
I said maybe we should lower it Ito £80 each this year (my kids wouldn’t know) but he’s totally against it.
I think it’s just an absolute waste of money.
Michaelbaubles · 01/12/2019 21:33
I get why you feel like that but I’d be very loathe to give step children any reason to feel hard done-to. It’s £60 that you’re basically paying so they feel they’re treated the same. It’s probably decent value for money when you think you want a good relationship going forward. Teenagers do not see these things logically and won’t look back and say “oh yeah I get why they did that”. Instead it’ll always be “you spent more on HER kids when they were our age than you did on us”. Even if it’s tat they don’t care about that’s not the the point to them.
HappydaysArehere · 01/12/2019 21:34
Is there any chance you can explain that the presents for everyone are going to be a surprise and you are getting them?
That way, at least you are in control of what you spend money on. However, you don’t want to spoil Christmas with disputes with dh so I appreciate it is difficult.
NailsNeedDoing · 01/12/2019 22:33
If you've already agreed it and you can afford it, I don't see why you'd go back on what you agreed just because you don't like what his dc choose.
Your dh wasn't wrong to tell teenage children their budget for choosing presents, lots of people do it that way. But as they now know and it would make a difference only to them and not your children if you lowered the amount, it just seems churlish of you to want to cut their budget.
itsmecathycomehome · 01/12/2019 22:49
It's shite to you but is, presumably, exactly what they want.
So what if they leave stuff at your house that they can use when they're with you?
How do you know that the stuff they take to their other home gets wrecked?
How long have you been paying £100 each? Because if it's been a few years it's already worth less than it was.
I also don't think it's that much money really, and would be loathe to cut it down unless I absolutely had to.
How would cash or a voucher solve the issue? They'd still spend it on stuff they'd consider shite.
Why does their xmas gift have to be something you consider worthy? I think clothes shopping is pretty joyless unless it's the only way you can afford to clothe then, or they've asked for clothes.
I think giving teens the budget is sensible, so that they don't ask for unrealistic things - an x box or a tv or a new phone.
But is a shame they order their own gifts. Why can't they do a list for their dad and him buy them?
MatildaTheCat · 01/12/2019 23:00
How soulless. Ask them for a list and choose for them plus a couple of little bits. Or take them shopping for clothes in the sales with a couple of bits and pieces to open on the day.
They are old enough to have an understanding of a budget but also that they should make their requests wisely. Leaving stuff behind or wasting it is pretty unacceptable.
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