To really hate this - Christmas

[Iamnotagoddess]

DH and I have 3 children each, none together, so six kids.

We have been together 10 years and have tried to always make everything the same.

Oldest kids are now in their twenties.

Before I met him I always had an idea in my head of what I could afford to spend and would do so according to whatever the kids put on their Xmas list,

We have an agreed spending limit of £100 per child, thing is his kids aged 12 and 14 know this (because he has told them) so just order £100 of shite of Amazon each year which just gets left here or taken home and wrecked.

I said maybe we should lower it Ito £80 each this year (my kids wouldn’t know) but he’s totally against it.

I think it’s just an absolute waste of money.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Just realised who you are OP, an extra £20 for presents is a red herring. End this relationship, it's a toxic environment for everyone, including the children.

[JaJoJe]

also I dont get what you mean by 'get left here'?

thats their fathers house right?
why wouldn't they leave things there?

my kids leave stuff at their grandparents and everywhere because they treat it like their home and go visit and will need stuff to play with there, its bizarre you think they shouldn't have stuff at their fathers home.

[JaJoJe]

whats 'tat' to some isn't to other, if you where receiving it you would have a point but its not your gift so not your place to complain about not liking it.

I love what most call 'tat' and I have this stuff from childhood, if your giving me a gift there no point spending £50 on a cashmere scarf or a kindle for me because I wouldn't care but £20 on a pile of cheap 'tat' I'll likely treasure.

my point is it doesn't really matter what you as the giver thinks is 'tat' but rather the receivers opinions that matter.

[itsmecathycomehome]

Come on op, give us some examples of shite.

[Screamingeels]

I really want to know how this works, I can't picture it. What is £100 of shite? Does their mum rest of family buy reasonable presents?

[retiredand]

Personally I'd leave the 12 and 14 year old at their £100 and reduce the amount the older ones get to £50 or £60 now then do the same as the others reach their 20s.

[malificent7]

Most things that kids and teens like seems like tat and gets wrecked but if the kids like it so what?

[Scotinthenorth]

Give them the money and let them buy whatever they want. I’d have preferred that at that age

[NeverTwerkNaked]

What's wrong with them leaving some of the stuff at your house? I don't understand that bit?

if anything I would lower the amount the adult children get.

[dontcallmeduck]

In my family children have always had more spent on them than adults. So why not cut down what you spend on adult children to say £50 then give the teenagers more so they can buy more than just ‘crap’

[BarbaraofSeville]

Choosing their own gifts is fairly normal, as is spending £100 if that's the budget, but ordering their own presents from Amazon, buying 'shite' and it getting wrecked at their DMs house is not.

Surely most young teens have a range of interests that generate a huge list of non shite presents to choose from like clothes, footwear, accessories, make-up etc, gaming, technology, sports, music etc?

[Alte]

Why are they choosing their own gifts? My DC are the same age and I wouldn't dream of it.

[itsmecathycomehome]

I think the dc aged 12 and 14 should receive more than the dc in their 20s actually. The adults in their 20s are presumably working, or have the potential to work part time while studying, so are going to be less excited by £100. But at 12-14, £100 is a lot of money and is a rare opportunity to buy what they want.

[Beautiful3]

100 pounds can buy really nice bottle of perfume/aftershave, jumper, and extra. Dont think amazon is good for everything though. I'd think of boots, next and other places. Can't they write a wish list instead? Or you could gift cash to the elder two, they are old enough to save up and spend it on what they want.

[chachachachachacha]

Why can't they just show you what they're after and it gets bought and given? Why is it a load of shite? If £100 is what everyone else gets why do you think they deserve less, because you don't like what they've picked?
£100 isn't that much, can't imagine how much 'shite' they're getting for that.

[Livingoncake]

So many questions here.

Why are the kids ordering their own gifts off Amazon? What happened to their wish lists?

When you say they order “shite”, what exactly do you mean? Can you give examples?

How do you know the gifts get “wrecked” at their mother’s home?

Your post is quite confusing and I need to know more before I can comment.

[kateandme]

if its what they want its what they want.i got so much shit when i was younger.
buuuuut if mum and dad couldnt afford it or wanted to limit it then they did so.your the parents so you make that decision it doesnt matter what came before.
if one year they didnt think certain present were right or cost too much then that was that.

[Shooturlocalmethdealer]

A hundred dollars is nothing. I say give the kids in their 20s less and spend more on the teens!

[Creepster]

It is always a mistake to try to change Christmas this year. If you want to make changes start talking this year about how you will do next year.

[MonChatEstMagnifique]

At 12 and 14 I’d have thought they would have things they were into so it’s odd that they order stuff they don’t seem to want. I’d insist that you all discuss what they want and decide together so they get things they actually like.

[OlaEliza]

Those ungrateful delights would be getting a charity goat and nothing else if were the op.

[Pilot12]

Unless you have a financial reason for doing it, like you really can't afford it, then no. They will already be looking forward to £100.00 of stuff and if you reduce it to £80.00 they won't be happy. I'd end up being really annoyed with you all Christmas. What is tat to you is stuff they want. Remember that they're still children who want to keep up with their class mates. If you need to make savings why not do it with the adult children, if they have their own income they can buy their own stuff anyway.

[HeddaGarbled]

The price limit isn’t the problem. The problem is that he isn’t making any effort to buy them decent presents. They have to order their own presents from Amazon? That’s crappy parenting.

[LilQueenie]

I said maybe we should lower it Ito £80 each this year (my kids wouldn’t know)

YOUR kids wouldn't know! So treating the stepkids differently. not a good move.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

You see it as a waste of money, your husband and step children don't. You would be very U to insist their christmas budget is cut. It wouldn't even make that much of a difference.