To really hate this - Christmas

[Iamnotagoddess]

DH and I have 3 children each, none together, so six kids.

We have been together 10 years and have tried to always make everything the same.

Oldest kids are now in their twenties.

Before I met him I always had an idea in my head of what I could afford to spend and would do so according to whatever the kids put on their Xmas list,

We have an agreed spending limit of £100 per child, thing is his kids aged 12 and 14 know this (because he has told them) so just order £100 of shite of Amazon each year which just gets left here or taken home and wrecked.

I said maybe we should lower it Ito £80 each this year (my kids wouldn’t know) but he’s totally against it.

I think it’s just an absolute waste of money.

[ReanimatedSGB]

It sounds a bit odd that kids order stuff that they appear not to want ie they leave it behind when they go home. Are they ordering things like toy farting Santas and fake moustaches ie stuff that is funny for vie minutes and then not worth keeping? If so, that is a bit odd when it's supposedly their choice of gifts to themselves.

[Dollymixture22]

This seems odd. Why are children of this age ordering shite presents?

Ask them for some ideas and buy them proper gifts.

Does their mother spend a lot more on them?

£100 is enough to buy good presents - but maybe not the stuff they have asked for.. It won’t buy the games consoles, bikes, phones etc often on the lists for this age group.

Could your husband team up with his ex to buy bigger presents?

[SunshineAngel]

This does my absolute head in. I think it's great to have an upper limit of £100, but you shouldn't be getting extra bits just to make up the difference.

My parents always did that, and if my brother got more than me (or vice versa) they'd make up the lesser amount with rubbish. I would never have cared how much got spent on my brother compared to me. I loved Christmas for many things, and always got presents I was happy with. What other people got was neither here nor there, really!

[Duck90]

It makes sense that they know the budget! Otherwise they may ask for a new phone or tv. You would then say no that’s above budget (but we’re not telling you what the budget is) .

[Italiangreyhound]

It's a lot of money, we spend a fair bit less. However, I wouldn't bother lowering it. I would just not increase it and with time - so it will buy less.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

You see it as a waste of money, your husband and step children don't. You would be very U to insist their christmas budget is cut. It wouldn't even make that much of a difference.

[LilQueenie]

I said maybe we should lower it Ito £80 each this year (my kids wouldn’t know)

YOUR kids wouldn't know! So treating the stepkids differently. not a good move.

[HeddaGarbled]

The price limit isn’t the problem. The problem is that he isn’t making any effort to buy them decent presents. They have to order their own presents from Amazon? That’s crappy parenting.

[Pilot12]

Unless you have a financial reason for doing it, like you really can't afford it, then no. They will already be looking forward to £100.00 of stuff and if you reduce it to £80.00 they won't be happy. I'd end up being really annoyed with you all Christmas. What is tat to you is stuff they want. Remember that they're still children who want to keep up with their class mates. If you need to make savings why not do it with the adult children, if they have their own income they can buy their own stuff anyway.

[OlaEliza]

Those ungrateful delights would be getting a charity goat and nothing else if were the op.

[MonChatEstMagnifique]

At 12 and 14 I’d have thought they would have things they were into so it’s odd that they order stuff they don’t seem to want. I’d insist that you all discuss what they want and decide together so they get things they actually like.

[Creepster]

It is always a mistake to try to change Christmas this year. If you want to make changes start talking this year about how you will do next year.

[Shooturlocalmethdealer]

A hundred dollars is nothing. I say give the kids in their 20s less and spend more on the teens!

[kateandme]

if its what they want its what they want.i got so much shit when i was younger.
buuuuut if mum and dad couldnt afford it or wanted to limit it then they did so.your the parents so you make that decision it doesnt matter what came before.
if one year they didnt think certain present were right or cost too much then that was that.

[Livingoncake]

So many questions here.

Why are the kids ordering their own gifts off Amazon? What happened to their wish lists?

When you say they order “shite”, what exactly do you mean? Can you give examples?

How do you know the gifts get “wrecked” at their mother’s home?

Your post is quite confusing and I need to know more before I can comment.

[chachachachachacha]

Why can't they just show you what they're after and it gets bought and given? Why is it a load of shite? If £100 is what everyone else gets why do you think they deserve less, because you don't like what they've picked?
£100 isn't that much, can't imagine how much 'shite' they're getting for that.

[Beautiful3]

100 pounds can buy really nice bottle of perfume/aftershave, jumper, and extra. Dont think amazon is good for everything though. I'd think of boots, next and other places. Can't they write a wish list instead? Or you could gift cash to the elder two, they are old enough to save up and spend it on what they want.

[itsmecathycomehome]

I think the dc aged 12 and 14 should receive more than the dc in their 20s actually. The adults in their 20s are presumably working, or have the potential to work part time while studying, so are going to be less excited by £100. But at 12-14, £100 is a lot of money and is a rare opportunity to buy what they want.

[Alte]

Why are they choosing their own gifts? My DC are the same age and I wouldn't dream of it.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Choosing their own gifts is fairly normal, as is spending £100 if that's the budget, but ordering their own presents from Amazon, buying 'shite' and it getting wrecked at their DMs house is not.

Surely most young teens have a range of interests that generate a huge list of non shite presents to choose from like clothes, footwear, accessories, make-up etc, gaming, technology, sports, music etc?

[dontcallmeduck]

In my family children have always had more spent on them than adults. So why not cut down what you spend on adult children to say £50 then give the teenagers more so they can buy more than just ‘crap’

[NeverTwerkNaked]

What's wrong with them leaving some of the stuff at your house? I don't understand that bit?

if anything I would lower the amount the adult children get.

[Scotinthenorth]

Give them the money and let them buy whatever they want. I’d have preferred that at that age

[malificent7]

Most things that kids and teens like seems like tat and gets wrecked but if the kids like it so what?

[retiredand]

Personally I'd leave the 12 and 14 year old at their £100 and reduce the amount the older ones get to £50 or £60 now then do the same as the others reach their 20s.