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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to be putting together a nursery?

106 replies

Genericnewmumusername · 01/12/2019 20:53

(Name changed as I’ve mentioned this dilemma to a few people in RL and I don’t particularly want them knowing my usual username)

So I’m having my first baby next year - all very lovely and my DH and I are very excited but I’m genuinely confused about this whole nursery business.

We live in a three bedroom house - currently one bedroom is ours (quite a big room) One is our guest room, and one is an office. Obviously one of these at some point will become the baby’s room though we haven’t quite worked out the logistics of how to switch everything around yet. However in my mind I’m thinking this won’t be an issue for a while as the baby is going to be in with us in our room for at least the first 6 months, possibly more before it goes in it’s own room and we can work all this out and make a nice baby room once that actually happens.

But everyone I’m talking to, including people who are pregnant and already have kids keep going on about when we’re going to do the nursery and decorate it and have it all ready. I see pictures of people’s nursery’s on Facebook with cots already in there (people who are still pregnant) and everyone I’m speaking to seems to think this is normal and what you do before the baby is born!

So my AIBU is - am I being unreasonable for thinking this is totally unnecessary when it’s basically a room that will be sitting empty for at least 6 months when we’re currently using both our ‘spare’ rooms. Or is there something I’m missing?

OP posts:

ChanklyBore · 02/12/2019 12:03

We moved house into a renovation project and put in new kitchens, bathrooms, roof, plastering, carpets, flooring, decorating and landscaping when our baby was 7-16 months, I’m sure you can manage to paint a room/screw together a cot! It’s not that bad.

Baby’s room was less of a priority and baby was in with us until the bedrooms were ready. So no nursery, as such, just another bedroom. I’m sure your plan is very sensible.

ShinyGiratina · 02/12/2019 12:06

We did a nursery when I was pregnant in that we decluttered the study, and painted it in a fresh colour. Baby spent not a night in there before we had a surprisingly quick move at 6m. It was worth it as it meant that the new occupants had an appealing freshly done up room free of the dents, screwholes and general aging that the room was in before. It was for the best that it wasn't babyfied.

In the new house, the smallest room was a reasonably respectable cream, so I "nurseried" it by painting on a mural during nap times while he was about 7/ 8 months which was fairly easy.

Baby needs a space for a cot, clothes storage and to be changed. It is worth having a decently decorated space. Personalising it beyond that point is made a lot easier then. It's worth considering the long game on decor as tastes can change quite rapidly through childhood, so it's more practical to use accessories than actual decor.

DilysMoon · 02/12/2019 12:33

We did although didn't go mad decorating to a colour etc, just neutral so that decor would last and furniture. Babies have so much stuff it was good to keep it all in one place, all nappy changes were done in the babies room and after the very early days they napped in their rooms (well except dc3 who was permanently attached to me). Dc2&3 were both in with us at night for 6m+ but DC1 slept better in his own room so was in there a lot sooner.

Its personal preference but I'm glad we did it beforehand, I was distinctly lacking in energy and motivation after they arrived.

CornishMaid1 · 02/12/2019 12:38

Meh! I'm 6.5 months pregnant and not sorting a nursery yet. We know which room will be the nursery and it has a built in wardrobe in it anyway that we can use.

If the baby is going to be in with us for around 6 months, then I have a good 9 months to get it sorted (and January sales in the meantime).

CornishMaid1 · 02/12/2019 12:40

I should also say that I like the colour of my spare room, so my 'nursery' will literally be moving the bed out and putting a cot and nursing chair in and maybe a new lampshade, so I am definitely not going all out.

StinkyWizleteets · 02/12/2019 12:42

Neither of my kids had a nursery. Eldest moved into her own room at 2.5y (it took us that long to get round to decorating) and youngest will be in with me until the day I die... (probably)

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/12/2019 12:50

With DD1 we knew we were moving within 6 months so it seemed pointless. Moses basket in bedroom (then put cot up when she got too big), toy box in living room, changing table in bathroom. When we moved the furniture went into her new room, and she followed a couple of months later.

DD2... DD1 was still using the cot when she wasn't in my bed. Didn't need anything else. When DD2 outgrew basket she went into a travel cot for a week while we waited for DD1s new bed. Then moved when DD2 was 8 months.

New house... Cot went into our bedroom as they weren't ready to share. Another bedroom was the playroom (plus a guest bedroom). At some point cot moved to DD1s bedroom.

Moved again when girls were 4 and 2.5 and they chose the decor... And have done on houses 5&6. We use decals so it doesn't take long.

Nurseries aren't essential. You just need somewhere to put things.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 02/12/2019 12:51

We were living in a one bedroom flat when our daughter was born so didn't have a separate room for her until we moved when she was almost 2. We put it off because we were hoping for a house to come on the market in a specific street. It didn't happen so we eventually rented elsewhere. That house had 3 bedrooms but one we used for junk so when our son was born he didn't get his own room either.

It was only when she was almost 5 and he 18 months that a house in our preferred street finally came onto the market and they each got their own bedroom. They're now 24 and 20 and the lack of nursery doesn't seem to have caused any lasting harm. We're still very happy we waited for the house we actually wanted to become available and have no intention of leaving unless/until we're too old to cope with the stairs.

Tensixtysix · 02/12/2019 12:53

Always best to wait. But then I'm superstitious.

peachgreen · 02/12/2019 12:57

Hmm. I'm glad I did ours because I was so ill after DD was born that I couldn't have done it, and also getting her changed / doing her bedtime routine / playing / doing massage etc in her room got her used to it and I think made it easier for her to move when the time came, though that is only speculation. Having said that, apart from some decorative touches like little shelves and lights (and the cot of course!) , our nursery just looked like a spare room so I didn't feel I was tempting fate or anything.

Mamabear144 · 02/12/2019 13:02

Ds will be 2 in february and I'm in the process of doing up his room to get him moved in there next week, he would not have been ready to be in his own room by himself until now. I don't see the point in a room not being able to be used until it's ready to be used, also once baby is here and has developed their own personality then you can design it in something they will enjoy.

FreedomfromPE · 02/12/2019 13:09

I just found it easier to do a big clear our and change of rooms - the guest room became office and guest room for us. Before the child demanding all my attention was born. I hadn't finished it but the big sort out and painting was done and clothes and nappy storage before my first was born. Then I blinked and 7 months had gone by so we hastily put a cot together.

vivapuff · 02/12/2019 13:25

I'm with you 100% OP. Two kids and neither got a nursery set up before birth. I'm a big fan of getting what you need when you need it and not cluttering your home with things months/years in advance. For a newborn, you need a safe place for them to sleep, a place to change nappies (can be a pad on top of a dresser or on the floor), a car seat and a pram.

One tip I would share is to have a collapsible playpen which you can set up in the spare room is needed. This isn't essential, but seeing as you have a spare room anyway, there may be times early on where the baby is fussy and your or your partner take the baby to sleep in the spare room. It's nice to have an extra space to put the baby down and it's a bonus if there is a bed in there where you can sleep (and breastfeed lying down if you are breastfeeding).

My first got his own room when we moved into a new house at 9 months. My second is currently seven months and sleeping in the spare room. I plan to have the kids share a room once the younger is reliably sleeping through the night. (Older is lonely since moving to big bed and very excited to share a room with younger). When they are older, they can each have their own room again and we will say goodbye to spare room.

The needs of kids and your family will change as time goes by. It's great to be flexible in how you arrange things -- see what works best for you. Babies are just fine without a custom wall mural and loads of matching furniture...

Blondefancy · 02/12/2019 13:33

Yeah it’s completely useless having a fully decked out nursery until they’re actually old enough to be in it full time! With dd1 we lived in a 2 bed house and one of the rooms was DP’s music studio so she didn’t have her own room till 4 months when we moved house anyway. We’ve just renovated the house we’re living in now and am 39 weeks with DD2. Her room has been painted but that is about it, it is being used as storage until we get the loft re structured as we have boxes that need putting up there! So yes to answer your question don’t worry about it till you absolutely need it! X

Peanutbutteryogurt · 02/12/2019 13:38

YANBU, DD was with us until she was one during which time we had moved house. It would've been a complete waste of time to have done her nursery.

Lazysundays18 · 02/12/2019 14:04

We wanted our ds to get used to the rooms before he went in there to sleep at 6 months so we would play in there sometimes, change him and he'd occasionally nap in there too. The transition from your room to a room of their own can be tough if it's unfamiliar.

stayfit · 02/12/2019 15:11

You need a space for clothes, a place to sleep whether it's a cot or a Moses basket. We stayed in rented flat and opted for a cot top changer and a small chest of drawers. We didn't need more than a small toy box untjl he was 6-7 months and that stayed in living room. Need more things like baby gate when they crawl for peace of mind.

JustaScratch · 02/12/2019 15:14

We didn't make a big fuss over a nursery for DD. There was a small bedroom next to hours which became the place to store her clothes and toys, but she was in with us for the first six months so we kept nappy changing stuff in our room as it was easier. We didn't decorate as it was already neutral and decent. We bought a comfortable chair for feeding and a nice rug for the floor. If it excites you and helps you feel prepared then great, but it's really not necessary.

RanchoRelaxo · 02/12/2019 15:20

We got the nursery ready before the baby was born, although the room before was literally a dump (do-uper house) so I'm glad because while I was working we had the money to replaster / recarpet etc
If you've got 2 other functioning rooms then there's no rush I'm sure!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/12/2019 15:23

Going to slightly disagree in terms of 6 months will fly by, and my neighbours has the exact same set up as you- child is nearly 4 and still in their bedroom.
They have seemingly made a rod for their own back!
Of course babies dont need their own room straight away but I would say its been indicative of those that had a routine earlier when they put their 6months + baby in their own space of a night.

PlutoAjder · 02/12/2019 16:29

I totally agree op.

Only 1 word of warning though, if you think you might have a csection (depends on your level of risk etc) you will need a waist height changing table somewhere. I literally couldn't have coped without it in the weeks after birth, I'd always thought they were optional but I'm so glad it was the one thing I'd sorted being set up beforehand!!

stucknoue · 02/12/2019 16:33

My eldest slept with us for a year, it was a one bed flat!

ManiacalLapwing · 02/12/2019 18:37

child is nearly 4 and still in their bedroom.
What's wrong with that? Many parents are happy sharing with a young child, or plan to do so. It's less bedding to wash for a start!

BlueEyedFloozy · 02/12/2019 21:15

Pluto I've had 2 sections and never had a changing table - it really didn't occur to me to use anything like that tbh.

What one person "needs" is useless to another.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/12/2019 21:29

What's wrong with that? Many parents are happy sharing with a young child, or plan to do so. It's less bedding to wash for a start!
Well they all go to bed at the same time, so the toddler is is going to bed at 9pm. They also talk about having another kid but I imagine them moving one kid out to make way for the new one will be a far greater ordeal. Transition is easier when the kids are younger than with older children on the whole.

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