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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to be putting together a nursery?

106 replies

Genericnewmumusername · 01/12/2019 20:53

(Name changed as I’ve mentioned this dilemma to a few people in RL and I don’t particularly want them knowing my usual username)

So I’m having my first baby next year - all very lovely and my DH and I are very excited but I’m genuinely confused about this whole nursery business.

We live in a three bedroom house - currently one bedroom is ours (quite a big room) One is our guest room, and one is an office. Obviously one of these at some point will become the baby’s room though we haven’t quite worked out the logistics of how to switch everything around yet. However in my mind I’m thinking this won’t be an issue for a while as the baby is going to be in with us in our room for at least the first 6 months, possibly more before it goes in it’s own room and we can work all this out and make a nice baby room once that actually happens.

But everyone I’m talking to, including people who are pregnant and already have kids keep going on about when we’re going to do the nursery and decorate it and have it all ready. I see pictures of people’s nursery’s on Facebook with cots already in there (people who are still pregnant) and everyone I’m speaking to seems to think this is normal and what you do before the baby is born!

So my AIBU is - am I being unreasonable for thinking this is totally unnecessary when it’s basically a room that will be sitting empty for at least 6 months when we’re currently using both our ‘spare’ rooms. Or is there something I’m missing?

OP posts:
OccasionalNachos · 01/12/2019 22:23

I did up the spare room as a nursery quite early on because it was the only room in the house that hadn’t been done after we moved in and was a bit shabby - used as a guest room, but used more out of convenience than being a naice guest room to invite people to Grin it’s now painted nicely, has storage for the baby stuff and still has room for a small bed. Baby is due end of Jan so will be in my room until the summer at least, and I plan to use it for changing the baby and drying washing until then!

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 01/12/2019 22:30

We decorated the nursery, it used to be my home office but we have a room downstairs that is now an office, and I knew my role post mat leave had less travel and less less work from home than is been doing. I just liked the upstairs room as it was sunnier. DS was in with us until eight and a half months, but all of his things were in his room (clothes, toys, books, changing unit etc) and he'd play in his cot while I showered etc. Then we moved to day naps in there before eventually night time, the transition was seamless because he was used to being in there and comfortable. We have another spare room and three downstairs reception rooms though, so had the space to dedicate.

greenlobster · 01/12/2019 22:36

See my logic says that babies don’t need that much stuff - in my mind stuff accumulates when they’re older and need toys etc for playing with.

It entirely depends on your lifestyle/preference. If you're quite minimalist then at least 80% of the baby stuff that 'everyone' says is essential is actually totally unnecessary.
There's a whole spectrum of essential items/useless clutter between a basic moses basket, some drawers for clothes etc and maybe a bouncy chair and a full-on facebook-worthy nursery with hot and cold running baby wipe warmers Grin

Just do what feels right for you.

BlueEyedFloozy · 01/12/2019 22:38

Neither of mine have had a room to spare as a designated nursery.

We were living with my Mum when I had #1 so only had use of my room for the 3 of us and #2 had to share as we only have a 2 bed house so both were in with us until 1/2 years respectively.

Can't say it seems to have had any impact on them! In your circumstances I would paint the room a nice neutral colour that can be added to based on the kids preferences when they're older rather than worrying about furniture/decor etc now as it really doesn't matter!

lisag1969 · 01/12/2019 22:39

Do what is best for you and your family x

Cohle · 01/12/2019 22:40

I had a lot more free time to set up the baby's room when I was pregnant than when I was juggling a 6 month old. I can't really see what you gain by waiting and it probably comes across to family like you're not all that organised or excited.

Waveysnail · 01/12/2019 22:42

Didnt decorate nursery until after DC was born. Mil came round and helped me paper when he was around 1 year as he was in our room until then. Plus it allowed us to make decor suitable until he was 5/6

QueenOfCatan · 01/12/2019 22:46

Yanbu. We lived with my parents for dd1s first 8 months so she was with us, even then she didn't have her room in our house decorated until she was two and a half as she coslept most of the night (not through choice really, was the easiest way for us to get sleep! Dd2 is completely different and loves her cot!). We only finished it the week before dd2 was born!

Gillian1980 · 01/12/2019 22:48

Yanbu.

We sort of gradually transformed the spare room into dd’s room. Initially, when she was ready to leave our room, we just put her cot in the spare room and left the rest as it was.

When people visited it was still ready for visitors and dd would just come in with us again. Then slowly over about a year we just got rid of stuff and got her more stuff until it became her room completely.

Mammyloveswine · 01/12/2019 22:49

My 2 year old is still in a cot in our room...

twinkledag · 01/12/2019 22:52

Do it now while you have the spare time! ☺️

56Marshmallow · 01/12/2019 22:54

We didn't have a nursery as our two stayed in our room until they were 2 and 3. Then they moved into their own room when we moved house.

QueenGoblin · 01/12/2019 22:55

We didn't set up a nursery. We didn't get a cot bed until he was about ready to go into his own room.

Honestly, we've barely done anything to his room still. He is 2 now but other than sleeping spends no time in there so I haven't bothered with cutesy baby pics etc.

One thing I am glad we did do before he was born was paint. It was a hideous shade of bright pink and it had to go. Several coats later it went, and the new paint smell was long gone before little man moved in.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 02/12/2019 05:06

Yeah we did it before, but as a PP said, it was because I was worried we wouldn't have time after the baby was here, which we wouldn't have! It's also a useful place to store baby things. I'd keep the bed in your spare room, ours was so useful for the other person to use to get a better night's sleep while the other tends to baby taking it turn about obvs!

Ruraldream · 02/12/2019 05:15

When did a baby's bedroom in a normal house become a "nursery"? It's a bedroom.

Heartshappedsunglasses · 02/12/2019 06:40

The three year old and almost one year old have never left our room.
Keep the set up as it is as you have space for everything in your room , plus your husband might like the option to go in a different bed if he’s anything like mine.
Equally please remember that in the uk the guidance is not to leave babies under six months to sleep alone and that’s now raised to a year in America I believe due to the risk of sids. As such you wouldn’t even use the room in the day so what would be the point. Wait- you can decorate the nursery to suit your babies tastes. I also reckon the nursery I would have made pre baby is very different to the one I would do now. Whatever you decide will be great, but I know how hard it can be looking at the photos and thinking am I doing the right thing. That’s just a guilty feeling you will have forever - welcome to the parenting club!

ForestDweller27 · 02/12/2019 06:46

I’m almost same situation as you - 3 bed and same setup. I’m planning to convert the office into somewhere to store baby clothes / toys and to use as a play room but not getting dragged into the whole nursery nonsense. Babies don’t ‘need’ their own room - they’re babies! Do whatever is most convenient for you!

BendingSpoons · 02/12/2019 06:56

We decorated the small bedroom for DC2 because we were decorating all the rooms prior to new carpets. He slept in his moses basket in our room until around 4 months and then in a cot in the spare room with me until 9 months. He only went in his room then. You might be very pleased of a spare bed in the other room depending on how you work night wakings. Also DS only has a low chest of drawers with changing mat on top and small bookshelf (with nappies etc!) in his room. Everything else is stored elsewhere e.g. clothes in bigger sizes in the spare room wardrobe, toys downstairs.

Original poster
Genericnewmumusername · 02/12/2019 11:37

I think my other issue with it, as some of you have mentioned is that I know the baby will be in with us for at least 6 months, but it may well be more - I’m not desperate to have it in its own room as soon as possible - I think time sleeping with us is a good thing (again this is all said with no experience whatsoever!) So it may be even longer that the room stays empty, and we get good use out of both of them at the moment. Good to know the parental guilt starts this early though - I thought at least the baby would be born before I felt like I was doing everything wrong!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Genericnewmumusername · 02/12/2019 11:38

All these views are really helpful though so genuinely thanks!

OP posts:
MrsMonkeyBear · 02/12/2019 11:43

We did a nursery for DD1. She never went in there and we move house before she had turned 6m.

Dd2 was in with us until she was 1 and the went straight into sharing with DD1.

Stefoscope · 02/12/2019 11:48

Sounds sensible. I can understand it's exciting to decorate a room for a baby, but until their old enough to express an opinion, it's for the parent's benefit rather than a necessity.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 02/12/2019 11:49

We got the decoration done (rooms needed painting and one needed carpet) before the baby was born, because decorating was easier when pregnant than with a 6 month old. But kept our existing furniture eg double bed for spare room, in there until the baby was ready to move into their own room, around 7 months. Then we just moved furniture in and stuck up a few pictures but the walls and carpet were still nice and fresh

Passthecherrycoke · 02/12/2019 11:50

I think it’s completely normal to want your baby to have a nice bedroom. Personally my advice would be to decorate it before they arrive as you have more time & energy

53rdWay · 02/12/2019 11:51

YANBU. We didn't make up a room for DD1 until we moved house when she was 18 months. We didn't have the space before then but we didn't find we were missing it, and she would have slept with us anyway so it would have just been a nicely decorated clothes-and-stuff storage space.

OTOH if you're hugely into interior decoration then it's probably a fun project. I am not, so appreciated not having to do any of it until the baby was a toddler with her own preferences for birds birds birds everywhere and I could just go along with bird-themed stuff.

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