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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to be putting together a nursery?

106 replies

Genericnewmumusername · 01/12/2019 20:53

(Name changed as I’ve mentioned this dilemma to a few people in RL and I don’t particularly want them knowing my usual username)

So I’m having my first baby next year - all very lovely and my DH and I are very excited but I’m genuinely confused about this whole nursery business.

We live in a three bedroom house - currently one bedroom is ours (quite a big room) One is our guest room, and one is an office. Obviously one of these at some point will become the baby’s room though we haven’t quite worked out the logistics of how to switch everything around yet. However in my mind I’m thinking this won’t be an issue for a while as the baby is going to be in with us in our room for at least the first 6 months, possibly more before it goes in it’s own room and we can work all this out and make a nice baby room once that actually happens.

But everyone I’m talking to, including people who are pregnant and already have kids keep going on about when we’re going to do the nursery and decorate it and have it all ready. I see pictures of people’s nursery’s on Facebook with cots already in there (people who are still pregnant) and everyone I’m speaking to seems to think this is normal and what you do before the baby is born!

So my AIBU is - am I being unreasonable for thinking this is totally unnecessary when it’s basically a room that will be sitting empty for at least 6 months when we’re currently using both our ‘spare’ rooms. Or is there something I’m missing?

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 01/12/2019 21:21

We decorated the baby's room after he was born. It's not that big of a deal. I wasn't especially keen to move him in there - we waited until he was about one, so it didn't need decorating straight away.

Original poster

Genericnewmumusername · 01/12/2019 21:22

See my logic says that babies don’t need that much stuff - in my mind stuff accumulates when they’re older and need toys etc for playing with. But as I said this is my first so I don’t know if I’m just being horribly naive! 😂

OP posts:

RachelEllenR · 01/12/2019 21:23

We lived in a 2 bed when our first was born and we knew we wanted to move at some point so she came in our room and then In a travel cot in the spare room. She moved when she was 1 and then we decorated!

mauvaisereputation · 01/12/2019 21:24

YANBU, we didn't get the room ready til our DD was ready to move out of our bedroom at 6 months. Just do whatever is easiest.

RachelEllenR · 01/12/2019 21:26

Also, we didn't find a change station necessary. We had a small basket upstairs and down with nappies/wipes/change of outfit/nappy bags and a change mat and just changed them on the floor. We had a lot more room when the second was born but never felt we were lacking it with the first so didn't bother when we had the second either.

Isbutteracarb · 01/12/2019 21:27

I know how you feel, we were temporarily living with ILs when DS was first born and I felt so awful not having a nursery for him. When we moved into our own place (when DS was around 4 months) I stressed myself out so much about buying things for his nursery and making it homely, and now at 13 months he's still in our room and most likely won't be moving anytime soon (the "nursery" is now our storage/washing/random crap room)!

So yeah, don't worry about it

Babybel90 · 01/12/2019 21:27

We didn’t put the nursery together until DD was about 5 months, mainly because we’re lazy but it just wasn’t necessary.

carly2803 · 01/12/2019 21:28

I would absolutely advise doing the "big" jobs pre baby.

we didnt. so that was horrid!

Its 6 months min in with you anyhow so i wouldnt worry about things like "setting" things up - like clothes/changing bits - just absolutely the big things wardrobes/drawers, so when the time comes to move the cotto the other room

really no rush!

ememem84 · 01/12/2019 21:31

With ds we didn’t do a nursery as we were planning to move so wanted to keep his room (previously our spare room) as neutral as possible.

He was in there at 3 months - he’d outgrown the Moses basket and his cot wouldn’t fit in our room. We had a double bed in there too and baby monitors etc.

We then moved and have our house now. Dd was a suprise. And again didn’t do a nursery. Her cigs in what was our spare room with double bed. It’s a squeeze but for now it works. She’s 4 months. Cot wouldn’t fit in our room with our bed and wardrobes etc.

When we moved we did ds’ room up for him (he’s 2 now). And when we eventually get round to selling the “spare” bed we’ll do something with dds room.

FrowningFlamingo · 01/12/2019 21:33

My son is 10mo and still doesn’t have a nursery.
He is not in our room any more but is in a cot next door as I don’t want to put him in the room that will eventually be his quite yet. Not that that room has been decorated either!

madminimoomin · 01/12/2019 21:34

I'm due at the start of jan and have a kinda nursery.
We haven't decorated it as such but we have a wardrobe, chest of drawers and a cot ready.
We weren't going to bother with the cot yet, but then figured it was best to just get all delivered and built and be done in a oner.
We needed somewhere to put the baby clothes, nappy change stuff etc. It would all have been sitting in bags and boxes otherwise.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/12/2019 21:35

Do you think you'll want to paint the walls as part of making 'a nice baby room'? If so, one compromise could be to repaint the room now but leave the current furniture in - the decorating will be the most annoying job to do with a baby, so getting that out of the way would be good. Alternatively, you could just not bother because babies don't actually care about wall colour! Both approaches equally valid, but if you think you will care about having a picture-perfect nursery at some stage then I think it is sensible to do some of the work for that now, when it's much easier to do.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 01/12/2019 21:36

You're not being unreasonable. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and haven't done a nursery yet. I won't until we have moved house when the baby is about six months old. I have a crib which baby will sleep in, in my room. She with ally previous children. You do you and just ignore what people think you should do. Good luck

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/12/2019 21:39

I think for a lot of people painting the nursery is also quite a fun pregnancy ritual - I have a nice photo of me with paint on my bump because I misjudged the distance/the size of my stomach and I do have fond memories of DH and I doing it together - but by no means a compulsory one!

Sevo7 · 01/12/2019 21:41

With my ds we decorated a nursery, set up a cot and everything that went with it,however it ended up that ds point blank refused to sleep in his cot and ended up in our room co-sleeping or in the travel cot which he liked until 20 months. By the time he moved to his own room he was crazy about Peppa pig so we ended up redecorating his room anyway and buying a toddler bed,so it was all abit of a waste

I never even bothered with dd who is 1,her sleep is still erratic so she has her cot and drawers in our bedroom and probably will until around the age ds moved into his room. I felt bad when I was pregnant with her that I never decorated a room for her but once she was here it really didn’t matter.

eurochick · 01/12/2019 21:46

We had the same arrangement at our old house - our room, guest room, office. We moved when our baby was 5 months. She just had a bedside crib at our old house. A nursery wasn't our first priority when we moved. We got it sorted when she was about 8 months and she moved then. It was all fine.

89redballoons · 01/12/2019 21:47

I'm 38 weeks pregnant, and not doing a nursery. We're only in a two bedroom flat for now, one of which is an office/occasional guest room as it is. We've had an offer accepted on a house and hopefully will be moving in around March 2020 so the baby will stay in with us, probably still in Moses basket, while we're here.

I've put the changing table in the office room, with another potential space to change him in our utility area near our room, and my nursing chair in our kitchen/diner, just because that's where they fit. It's really not a huge flat and we don't have stairs, so think this will be ok for the newborn months.

CluedoIsMyFavGame · 01/12/2019 22:00

Well, when we had DD, DH had to move out of the office into another location taking his desk and chair, but the remaining office shelves became DD's 'wardrobe'. Literally put the cot where the desk was and that was that.

We ultimately bought some Stuva furniture and a captain's bed when DD was 4yo. She did then get some children's blackout curtains too. Stuva furniture is still going strong 6 years later and it's moving into her grown-up room in the summer. Nursery furniture just wasn't a thing for us.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 01/12/2019 22:06

We didn't give DS a proper bedroom until we moved house when he was two. For first two years he just had a cot in the corner of the spare room, which also doubled as study and storage area. We created a nice play area for him in the living room where he spent most of the day. So he literally only went into the spare room to sleep so he didn't know any different.

All that's important is that your baby is fed, warm, clean, safe and loved...

Shayisgreat · 01/12/2019 22:10

Baby stayed with us until we moved house when he was 9 months and he could have his own room.

Had a few people asking me to send photos of the nursery before he was born which felt weird as, like you said, he'd be in the same room for 6 months! Anyway, in his room there is only a cot and a chaging table - very disappointing I imagine

NameChangedNoImagination · 01/12/2019 22:12

Totally unnecessary and waste of money. But could be a fun project. It's just to make the parents feel good. Baby will be in with you for 6 months plus, my DD isn't going anywhere and is over a year, now sleeping in our bed. We're going to put her own bed in with us, then move her to her own room when she's 2/3+. If you're very keen to have baby out of your room when they're 6 months then maybe, but I really wouldnt stress about it personally.

SleeplessWB · 01/12/2019 22:13

Doing the nursery helped me to feel ready for dd1 arriving as I like everything to be organised and couldn't handle having all her stuff in my room. But, we were renovating the whole house so it made sense to do her room first so it was sorted. I used it for naps from quite early on which was helpful.

Slydiad · 01/12/2019 22:19

We just had our DD last week and haven't done a nursery yet. She'll be in our bedroom for six months to a year anyway, and we have plenty of room for her things. When the time comes, she'll get either my current office or DH's. We haven't decided who has to move yet, and neither of us wants to move before we have to.

I think some people just get excited by the idea of decorating for a very young baby, but I don't see any problem with those of us who aren't. It's obviously nice when people do early/extra special nurseries, but it's not like those of us who aren't bothering are likely to go out of our way to post about that fact on social media!

Lalapurple · 01/12/2019 22:20

I agree with you. My 8 month is still with us and has no nursery. You might want to think about storage space but apart from that don't stress. I think the Facebook nurseries are more for the benefit of the parents - although can see why it wouldbe fun!

MeadowHay · 01/12/2019 22:21

We didn't because we knew we were moving house when DD was going to be a couple of months old. And that of course she would be in our room til the move. We put up a chest of drawers for her in the spare bedroom to store her clothes and we kept all her other stuff in boxes in there. It was a two bed flat, we were only living there short term and we had only used that room for storage anyway.

When we moved house we moved to a three bed and ofc she slept in our room. We knew which room was to be hers but other than getting it painted and putting a nice lampshade on, over a year later and we still haven't had the chance to decorate it as I would have liked. We put her chest of drawers and wardrobe and some toy storage in there straight away but we also used it for storage of other stuff and visitors have slept in it as well. She's 1 and a half and only just moved into it overnight (had travel cot in it for naps for the last few months). It has worked out ok but her bedroom is still a dump really compared to e.g. her cousin who has a beautifully decorated bedroom since before she was born waiting for her (she's 4 now). Dd's bedroom is also only a tiny box bedroom so that doesn't help things (both our spare bedrooms are). I am planning to make it nicer and more like a bedroom asap but we are so busy atm it just isn't happening. It does make me sad. If I had had the chance I would definitely have sorted her bedroom out whilst pregnant. Because we just dont have the time anymore to do it how I would have liked or at least not without sacrificing things like sleep or the rare relaxation/leisure time we have. For that reason I would say YABU

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