‘Excuse me’ - NO!

[TheRightHonerable]

Surely ‘excuse me’ is what you say when somebody is blocking your path and you need to jump past? It means stepping to the side for a second and then continuing what you were doing.

DH and I went to our cities Christmas market last weekend. It’s popular and busy but also quite unavoidable for residents as in the same streets as the banks/normal everyday shops.

I was honestly floored by the amount of times people said ‘excuse me’ ...then when I stepped out to let them pass, they just took my place to look at the items I had been looking at!! That’s not ‘excuse me’- Thats ‘get out of my way!!’ AIBU?

I pointed this out to a woman whilst I was crammed into a right angle of shelves in M&S, no through route and people either side of me.

Her: Excuse me
Me: Sorry, there’s no room.
Her: I just want to grab some cards
Me: holding 2 packs of cards in the 3 for 2 offer and clearly choosing my third ... Then wait until I’m finished grabbing my cards instead of expecting me to get out of your way!

She huffed and disappeared. No doubt thinking I was the one being rude 🤔

My SIL and DB went into town this weekend and said the exact same happened to them all day! People seeming like they wanted to get past but then just took their place the moment they moved. I think I’m going to have to stop being so Accomodating/polite in future as it honestly wound me up so badly.

• She was directly behind me and wanted to get in front of me to browse the cards- which would have left me stood behind her... 🤔

YANBU. Christmas shopping brings out the worst in people, and it brings out the rage in me. Also I work in retail, and Black Friday was fun not the other day ....!!

Hmmm it depends. If you're dithering and I can clearly see what I want I might say excuse me so I can pick it up and get on.

A key example of this is the Tesco's meal deal section at lunchtime... So many people blocking the shelves just staring. I know what I want, I can nip in, grab it, and get out of everyone's way whilst they're still choosing.

However I absolutely see your point if they're just going to dither too.

You're absolutely right, people can be so rude.

@Lockheart

I find that people who know exactly what they want (especially in supermarkets) tend to mutter excuse me whilst sticking their arm through the gap beside you and grabbing it. Usually requiring no more than a twist or shuffle on my part to accommodate 😂🙈 I don’t mind that at all.

People who are asking you to essentially swap places with them (especially in a Christmas market) are almost certainly browsing themselves.

I’m not a ditherer - I’m late 20’s and quite assertive in my shopping. However, at a Christmas market you accept pretty much everyone is browsing 😂

I do think some people are very slow and monopolise a whole area. The card section at m&s is not single use/by appointment only.

My gripe is more the people who stop to look at stuff in the supermarket then block off your access with a shopping trolley

No I agree. I've noticed it a lot recently in the supermarket. I'll be grabbing something and someone just cannot wait 5 seconds for their turn. I've stopped moving out the way. My dh gets all 'chacha just mind for a sec that lady wants something' and it drives me crazy. Now I just turn to him and say 'so do I so they'll just have to wait'.

Completely agree - this annoys me at the supermarket too and I also am not a ditherer. Why not just say "Get out of my way" and be done with it...

@CalmFizz

No but when you go on a busy Saturday and it’s full because 6 other people are already picking cards...you don’t expect them to get out of your way 😂

It's difficult to say. People do say excuse me and then start procrastinating and others stand right at the aisle blocking everyone whilst they procrastinate. In the M and S example you may have been dithering and the other lady might have just taken a second or alternatively she could have taken your place and started browsing, who knows. It's others actions/experience that made you say get lost to her and its probably her experience with people standing so close that they are hogging the whole area that probably made her huff off. I absolutely hate shopping.

I have always been a very polite and courteous person but over the last year or so I have changed precisely because I'm tired of being walked all over by CF's like that.

@chachachachachacha

EXACTLY!!! 🎄
It’s so much worse at Christmas but I do think society is just taking a huge hit in terms of manners/respect. It’s on the roads, on the streets, in the shops.
Nobody is capable of waiting 5 minutes and everyone thinks they should take priority over others.

Tolerance towards the elderly and children is just disgusting 🙄 I know they can be impractical and annoying but they’re not less of a person than you and don’t have less right to be shopping!

I don’t understand why these people who can’t manage any level of inconvenience don’t just shop on line 🙄

My experience is that it depends. If you are there, and just grabbing things, you were right. If you there stood in your place for the last 5 minutes, debating which one to take, taking one, putting it back etc... and during this time, no one can reach the one they decided they really wanted to after standing behind and looking at the choice over the shoulder, then yes, you are unreasonable.

I never barge in and expect the person who is doing the same than I to move out. However, I find people who just stand there for some time blocking access when ultimately, they could look and decide what they want to grab by standing a bit back to allow others to help themselves, hogging the place and it makes them rude.

I was in m&s about a year ago wanting one of the meal deals, a chap was stood at least 1.5m away from the fridge just stood there not even at obviously looking at food So I went up to the fridge to chose my dinner, he loudly muttered ‘rude’ and wandered off.

Another Christmas I was doing my big Christmas shop and was loading it up onto the belt, this lady behind was getting closer and closer then all of a sudden grabbed a divider and started unpacking, I still had half a big trolley full. So said ‘excuse me’ and you could see the red mist leave her eyes as she realised what she’d done and she did look mortified.

Christmas and crowds really do bring the worst out in people.

@recycledbottle

But who decides what’s ‘dithering’?
I certainly wasn’t (like I said I’m quite an assertive shopper) I’d seen the two cards I liked from over the person in front of me’s shoulder so when I got my turn at the front I picked them straight up and had been looking for a third for a matter of seconds when that woman asked me to move.

But even if I had been ‘dithering’ 🤔 there’s no time limit in a shop. If you choose to go shopping IRL rather than online you have to extend tolerance to other shoppers!

I entirely agree with you. So rude. I guess say excuse me back? Hate that you either be a doormat or passive aggressive back.

This is why we don't go to the Christmas markets, people are so rude.

YANBU that is rude.

The only exception is those blokes who manspread in front of the magazines slowly flicking through everything on offer so nobody else can see the rack for half an hour.

I get this entirely. It’s really just a way of saying I can’t be bothered to wait until you’re finished. It irks me at the gym when someone wants to get to their locker. Fair enough if I’m browsing on my phone endlessly but not if I am halfway through putting on a shoe. Being an arsey old cow I have been known to 1. Ignore them and 2. If, they persist, tell them to just wait.

I fear it will only get worse because there is a whole generation of children who now expect people to just get out of the way of them and their scooter. Not so much as an acknowledgement never mind an excuse me or thank you.

I've noticed this! It does my bloody head in. I'll squeeze back in front of them if they're not just asking to get past.

this is why I don't do shopping, I order everything online! People stress me out

If all these people are saying it to you then I think the problem is with you, not them.

On a slightly different topic, I was in a supermarket yesterday. I stood aside to let 6 secondary school pupils through, not one said thank you. I then moved back to let an elderly lady pass, no thank you there either! Then I was looking through a rail of clothing parked in the middle of an aisle and saw a couple waiting to get past (there were a group of people talking at the other side) so pushed my trolley to the end and stood aside for them to pass. Guess what... they didn’t say anything either!

Where have manners gone? My children have been brought up to say please and thank you, which only take seconds to do, but it seems they are in a considerable minority.

@TheYear

It’s not just me at all. It’s just me calling BS on behaviour like this. I think it’s quite common tbh.