‘Excuse me’ - NO!

[TheRightHonerable]

Surely ‘excuse me’ is what you say when somebody is blocking your path and you need to jump past? It means stepping to the side for a second and then continuing what you were doing.

DH and I went to our cities Christmas market last weekend. It’s popular and busy but also quite unavoidable for residents as in the same streets as the banks/normal everyday shops.

I was honestly floored by the amount of times people said ‘excuse me’ ...then when I stepped out to let them pass, they just took my place to look at the items I had been looking at!! That’s not ‘excuse me’- Thats ‘get out of my way!!’ AIBU?

I pointed this out to a woman whilst I was crammed into a right angle of shelves in M&S, no through route and people either side of me.

Her: Excuse me
Me: Sorry, there’s no room.
Her: I just want to grab some cards
Me: holding 2 packs of cards in the 3 for 2 offer and clearly choosing my third ... Then wait until I’m finished grabbing my cards instead of expecting me to get out of your way!

She huffed and disappeared. No doubt thinking I was the one being rude 🤔

My SIL and DB went into town this weekend and said the exact same happened to them all day! People seeming like they wanted to get past but then just took their place the moment they moved. I think I’m going to have to stop being so Accomodating/polite in future as it honestly wound me up so badly.

You have to drive into parking spaces at supermarkets otherwise you give yourself a divil of a job unloading your trolly. I only ever reverse in if I know I’m only getting a bagful of stuff.
When you are being served at the till and the person behind you stands up close to the card machine .... I stare at them and say excuse me loudly until they step away!

My gripe is more the people who stop to look at stuff in the supermarket then block off your access with a shopping trolley

I move their trolley to the other (empty) side of the aisle. They never seem to notice, so I’m concluding it’s cluelessness rather than entitlement.

People walking 3-4 abreast on a pavement barely wide enough for 4, and not freeing space for oncomers: I stand stock still in the middle of the pavement and let them go around me, especially when I’m carrying bags or have a DC with me. It’s worse where I live, during the day it’s almost always nannies pushing pushchairs, fast, chatting to each other. They use the push chairs as battering rams.

I pulled up to park yesterday, lined up and indicator flashing to reverse into it - the car behind me pulled straight into the space!

I got thumped on the train this morning as I moved slightly to let someone get past me - a lady (who had jumped into that space the previous station, 2 minutes before) thumped me so my bag didn’t squash her (I had already stopped moving).

Supermarket is hell.

Shops are terrible as lots of stock has moved places for Christmas stock, no room to move and everyone else is shopping in 2s or 3s - to make it even harder to see shelves.

It’s a time of year that is terrible for manners.

I agree that it depends. I was at a Christmas Fair yesterday that was indoors and packed. Having made their purchase, two women stood where they were after paying and started having a chat. They were entirely blocking the stall. After waiting I eventually said "excuse me, can I get to the stall please". They very stroppily said: "We're trying to leave". Which was blatantly untrue as they were chatting. They behaved like I was rude but I really wasn't. They were obstructing the stall and showed no sign of leaving.

This is one of the many reasons I hate shopping. People can be rude and aggressive and quite territorial, especially at Christmas. Online all the way.

In your circumstances you should say "Why do you need to be excused, what have you done? that would force them to say they want to push in! Excuse me is generally used as an apology, think burping, folk say "excuse me" for being rude/impolite. It's like the need for instant communication, deliveries, patience generally doesn't exists anymore.

I hate people and do my shopping online! I’m always polite and move for other people but it’s never reciprocated.

Yeah I get that, I'll be looking in a shop window/at a market stall and DH seems to think I should move out of everybody's way - its like I'm not entitled to take up any space!

It depends i was in sainsburys on sat looking at clothes, a lady had her trolley parked side ways next to the clothes so not only couldnt any one else get close, you couldn't even see, i said politely excuse me, and i got the response that she was looking and she would move herself and her trolley when she was finished, and it wasn't said in a polite manner, i walked away but noticed on my way back she had moved to the next aisle and was doing the same thing, I think it's the height of bad manners to monopolise a section of shop and stop other shoppers from looking and buying

I don’t think I’ve ever bought anything at a Christmas market for the simple reason I CAN NEVER FUCKING LOOK AT ANYTHING! I’m short and polite and just get pushed out of the way all the time. DP will be striding ahead and I’ll be 100 metres behind all the people who’ve barged in front of me. Clearly he’s more assertive but I find it absolutely exhausting to have to constantly ask and nudge and wheeze my way to a stall and then when I’m there the stall holder’s giving me those expectant looks and everyone in THE WHOLE WORLD is elbowing me and pushing me out of the way and I just can’t be arsed with it. God knows why people go there to eat and drink too, you can’t stand still for a second without being jostled, there’s nowhere to put stuff down and if you’re wearing gloves you have to take them off, put them away, put your purse away in case it gets stolen, and juggle all this and your overpriced food all without even anywhere to lean and with people ramming into you every two seconds. Bloody hate it.

Being 6 months pregnant is the reason I myself was in more urgent than usual need of a wee. But I wouldn’t have asked or expected to be let ahead of anyone else.
There was an empty disabled loo available - so had the woman genuine reason (incontinence/hidden disability...etc) she could have used that.

But by that argument, if you had a genuine need, surely you would have been in the disabled loo yourself? Pregnancy doesn't automatically mean that you can't hold your wee, or are uncomfortable standing. So I can't understand why you were so offended by her asking.

Agree with you totally, although if I’m in a rush and just want to grab something (and already know what I want) I’ve been know to say “sorry may I just grab X” etc but that’s usually after a period waiting patiently

OP I think you live near me! We did the same visit on Saturday, people are so rude! I thought it was just me getting old

YANBU. I was in Sainsbury's recently and was choosing some yogurt (standing right in front of the fridge obviously looking at yogurt - I hadn't been there long)... until a woman pushed her trolley in between me and the shelves, virtually pushing me out of the way! Bloody rude! My son gave me the 'please don't say anything' glare, so I didn't...apart from mutter 'unbelievable' under my breath. No need

At this time of year,so many people's manners seem to go down the pan. I am disabled,use a walking stick,and can only walk slowly. But I've lost count of the number of times I've been pushed,shoved,jostled,and even kicked,because I'm not moving quickly enough for other people's liking. This is particularly prevalent on buses. Time and again,I've been the first,or nearly the first in the queue to board the bus,and without fail,I always seem to end up as the last,or nearly the last to get on,as able bodied people push and shove to jump in front of me. Due to my physical disabilities,I don't have the strength or energy to 'fight' back,and inevitably,come off worse. It really does wear me down.

I was trying to look at boots in Tesco other week (too poor for Clarks!) but someone had their trolley sideways onto the shelf. When they finally moved it, a kid was resting on the shoe-changing bench! It's not a good layout there but the "trolley family" were waiting for someone who wasn't even in the clothing section.

How rude. Consideration for other people seems to be rapidly becoming a thing of the past!

This is why I hate people OP! Today’s ‘people’ are more rude and entitled than ever.... they must be overbreeding them somewhere and they’ve released them all into towns and cities everywhere

There's me checking out what to choose from the shelf in the supermarket and this woman literally comes and stands right in front of me...hows that for bad manners..

I've noticed this. It's happening more and more and not just at Christmas. Really pisses me off - I've now stopped being so accommodating and saying excuse me back and shoving in front of them. If anyone says anything I tend to tell them I was looking at the shelves first …

I come from a generation where you wait your turn, say please and Thankyou...even good morning.. Its called manners and it's stayed with me. I don't think people are raising kids to have manners anymore because if they were surely more people would display it.

I come from a generation where you wait your turn, say please and Thankyou...even good morning.. Its called manners and it's stayed with me. I don't think people are raising kids to have manners anymore because if they were surely more people would display it.

Perhaps in those days, people had more awareness of what/who was around them and weren't so selfish as to block others and monopolise their position whilst spending stupidly long amounts of time dithering around?

There's a limit to "waiting your turn". If people in front/blocking something are actually getting on with it and you can see they're not going to be long, far enough. But the inconsiderate A-holes who spend inordinate amounts of time whilst blocking others need a prompt to move out of the sodding way so others can get on with their lives!

@manicmij - I was brought up to say “Excuse me please” if I need to get past someone - I think it is a very normal usage of the phrase. It doesn’t just mean ‘please forgive me’, as far as I know.

Perhaps in those days, people had more awareness of what/who was around them and weren't so selfish as to block others and monopolise their position whilst spending stupidly long amounts of time dithering around?
I agree

There's a balancing act.
There's no need to be inpatient or rude or barge past, bit equally the idea of standing like a lemon whilst someone ponders the meaning of life staring at the shelves in the name of politeness is also ridiculous.

Saying "excuse me please" is absolutely polite and reasonable.

Christmas madness. Car parking turns insane, roads are mental people turn in to rude versions of themselves