To wonder if it’s possible to be comfortable / affluent financially if you are on your own?

[lyingonthesofaeatingcrisps]

I think my marriage is over. I would prefer to try and work on it, but Dh doesn’t feel the same and you can’t force someone.

We have two children. Yes, he should and probably will contribute and have them some of the time.

My main worries are financial. I won’t deny that for a second.

There are certain things that have always been probably out of reach. But as a minimum, I wanted my children to grow up comfortable. I wanted to have the option of sending them to private schools if it was needed. I wanted to have the option of helping them through university and with weddings and with house deposits.

That all seems out of reach.

I actually am the higher earner by a significant amount. Our joint income is £75,000 however and I just can’t earn that on my own. Well, perhaps I could but even then I’d be taxed more so I’d be taking home less.

Is it possible to be comfortable as a lone parent? Can you have holidays, days out, nice things ... or is it just always going to be a struggle ending with beans on toast for tea?

OP you are over focussing.

When I became a single parent I earned half what you do. I moves to a cheaper area and reduced outgoings to give my kids hobbies and extras.

Is the house as big? No. But I couldnt afford everything I could when in a couple. You wont be in a couple anymore. The quicker you accept, that it's ok for any person to end a marriage thata nor working and life changes, the quicker this will all seem like a non issue.

I now earn alot more. Live in the same house. Why move? The neighbours are nice, its quiet and friendly.

Earning 25k I was in a much better position than most single mums. I could afford to get a mortgage, for a start.

It's ok saying 'but I didnt work for this' neither did any single parent. Its rarely a choice.

And yes you might have worked hard. Do you think lower earners dont work as hard?

As higher than average earners, it's easy to forget that some people work hard but dont end up getting the financial recompense.

You are in a good position. You need to stop focussing on what you cant do. Focus on your actual plans, not the fact that your holiday might have to be less luxurious.

@lyingonthesofaeatingcrisps is just coming to terms with a completely new scenario. She's lost lost the future she expected to have. She's joined the club that none of us wanted to be members of.

Hopefully she'll work through this, figure things out... and one day in her new life she'll look around and realise that she's actually happier than when she was in her old life.

Hi. I’m a lone parent, work full time, earn approx £50k pa, live in the south East of England and have 2 DC. It is pretty tight, mainly due to the huge mortgage but it is doable. No fancy holidays but this year we’ve been to 3 UK cities for 2/3 days and next year we have a week in Europe booked. I would love to have more money to spend on my DC but lots of people would say that. Some months are trickier eg December or when buying all the back to school stuff but we manage.

I’m talking moving from my detached large five bedroom with three bathrooms on a privately owned estate to a three bedroom semi on local council estate. I used to live in one of those and would be fine living there again. And I think a two week holiday to Italy or Spain in school holiday time is a huge luxury, actually, that lots of my friends, and me with a joint income of £80k can’t afford.

I agree you sound quite money orientated. I go on weekends to youth hostels with kids and they love them. They just want to spend time with us, they don’t care where.

I really get where you're coming from OP. You probably feel like your husband has reneged on the deal and now you have to fund this life you'd looked forward to on a lot less.
I felt very much the same. Our combined income was such that private school was an option for DD albeit she would definitely have been one of the poorer kids. When her dad simply upped and left that option was off the table.
Like PP said I also obsessed a fair bit over finances. I rescheduled the mortgage to free up monthly income, I took a new job and increased my income significantly and insist on every penny of CMS that Ex has to pay. I also set about reducing my expenditure in ways that didn't impact our lifestyle (sim only phone, council tax discount, swap gas & electric). Don't underestimate how much it costs to feed an adult male in your home.
Holidays- book separately flights and apartment/hotel. Play around with dates to get the best prices. I have a bank account with a travel package that gives me airport lounge access, travel insurance and RAC and boy do I get my money's worth.
When you're arranging child contact can you try to work more on the days you don't have the kids so that you have more time with them when they're in your care?
In answer to your original question, yes it's possible to feel affluent as a single parent. There's a thread on the lone parent board of (mostly) women working professional jobs whilst raising their children alone.

Op it's normal to be scared and worried, look over your finances and be savvy. However do not focus on the money aspect. It is hard mostly because it's not what you want or planned for, but you can and will adapt.

As for ppc above who can't afford a school holiday holiday on 80k, that's not being able to afford it, that's having different priorities in your budget. The same with the pp on 50k.
Thats fine, you have not made it your priority but it's rubbish to say that you cannot afford it on those amounts.

I think the fact that you are so raw from the end of your marriage means that things look more bleak than they really are, OP.

So long as you don't remain fixated on things having to be done in a particular way, hopefully your expectations will adjust as you live the day to day.

DH and I have a joint household income similar to your own income. My life is nothing like I envisaged when I was younger. I didn't spend a total of 6 years at university expecting to end up a stay at home carer. I didn't expect to have a 13 year so disabled that we won't even be thinking about GCSE options (he's still on pre-school P scales/ their new equivalent). That's the life I have, though, and I've had to get used to it. To be Frank, I've grown to love not being on the work treadmill. This coming week, in between EHCP reviews for both boys, contacting potential post 16 placements for DS1 and decontaminating some pretty disgusting laundry, I get to varnish the lovely new engineered oak floor that DH fitted in the dining room, over the weekend. We did get quotes for karndean but decided that spending that much money on that one thing, particularly for a finish we liked but didn't love, wasn't a priority. Similarly, foreign holidays aren't a priority for us.