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AIBU?

To want to help child with housing deposit?

134 replies

Lightsabre · 30/11/2019 14:14

Can I ask, if you had financial help with your deposit, how much or what % of the purchase you received. DH has conveniently forgotten his parents helped him on to the ladder with a 30% gift but this was many years ago when a house in the area he lived in cost £90K. Flats nearby in SE are circa £250K minimum now and I'd like to be able to gift ds 25% when the time comes (not for a few years yet and we'd need to save more/use some pension). He wants to spend the money travelling (of which we have been lucky enough to do a substantial amount in our late 20's and 30's) but I'd like to help our child as much as we can.
What have your experiences been?

OP posts:
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FudgeBrownie2019 · 01/12/2019 06:53

I don't get the 'they've got to earn the value of money' argument either. I always think it's an excuse for miserliness

I kind of agree here. I think you can teach DC the value of things and how to be sensible with money, how to save, and still help them out if you're able to. My Dad was never about chucking money around and never spoiled us in the sense of going mad at Christmas and Birthdays and giving us everything we wanted; he just tried to teach us to save hard and work hard. I hope that DH and I can always do the same for our DC.

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onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 01/12/2019 06:55

We didn't get help from our parents but we have been able to help our three DC when we downsized on retirement. We both felt we'd much rather see them enjoy their inheritance now, when they need it.

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MadameLeFunky · 01/12/2019 07:02

These kind of threads are always enlightening to me. My parents didn't give me anything (except love) so I paid my own way through uni and bought my house with my own money.

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sandgrown · 01/12/2019 07:03

I took my pension lump sum and gave each of my children £5000 . This was about half the average deposit in our area at the time. It's lovely to see them in their own homes. A few years later when my partner's son was struggling to save a deposit we suggested they move in with us for a very minimal contribution. This enabled them to put their rent money away for a deposit and within a year they were able to buy a starter home .

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stucknoue · 01/12/2019 07:06

I have 2 kids so harder. When I downsize, part of my provisional divorce agreement is that I give them each 10% of my house value (essentially the 20% that he would take in equity but has waived), they are students now and one lives with me so plan is to set her up with a shared equity flat, she's autistic and the council has a good scheme here, should cover 50%, the other plans to buy a btl as she's military

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yearinyearout · 01/12/2019 07:13

We will be helping ours with a deposit but we have the money in savings and have enough to travel as well. I'm not sure we would take money from our pension pots (mine isn't very big) or give up our retirement plans to give them the money instead. 25% is a large amount too, can you not compromise and aim for a lower figure (on the premise that your dc also make efforts to save towards it)?

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InfiniteSheldon · 01/12/2019 07:15

Yes of course he should passing from grandparent to parent to child. He/you were very lucky and privileged and I am 100% with you, pass it on.

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LotteLupin · 01/12/2019 07:19

Help your child. They'll give you back tenfold in happiness, appreciation and the stability of their life later. Don't go on a selfish holiday, spending the money on dinners and pina coladas. Help your child. It's very hard to get started in life here.

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DaphneduM · 01/12/2019 07:27

We have one child. We're comfortable but not rich by any standards. After I received an inheritance from my parents, I passed some on to help her and her new husband with about 25% of the value of the house. We didn't need that money as we're not interested in expensive long-haul travel and have everything for our needs. Coincidentally after the birth of our beautiful grandchild we have moved to be nearer them so I can help with childcare a couple of days a week. So weirdly, although we have bought a great house in a beautiful area, it is a much cheaper area - so if my daughter has more children and needs to upsize we will help them again. They both are very hardworking and responsible. I would rather have the joy of seeing them in an appropriate house for their family while I'm alive. My mum always taught me that money is a tool to be used wisely rather than hoarded and I try and follow that advice. Both we and they know we're all very fortunate indeed. For me it's not all about money, nothing can top the joy of spending time with my beautiful grandchild, daughter and son-in-law.

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ContadoraExplorer · 01/12/2019 07:39

Do it! My mum could never have afforded to do it but I had a small inheritance from grandparents which had been left in trust until I was 18. I used that as a deposit for my first house when I was 19 and it set me up for life.

We have started saving for DD (4 months) already with the view that it can be used towards education or a deposit when the time is right.

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AwkwardFucker · 01/12/2019 07:44

Nothing from my parents.

We will probably do what DH parents did if we can, a few lumps sums (semi substantial) over the years. For whatever they need. Eg. They helped us with a couple of home improvements, solar panels etc. but DH’s siblings had the same amount to bail them out of debt.

I don’t think we will be able to afford to give them a house deposit, but would if we could.

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Karwomannghia · 01/12/2019 07:44

Yes and it made a huge difference to my life. I definitely want to help my dc if we can. We’re not in a position to now but if we inherit anything I want it to go to them instead.

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Mayborn · 01/12/2019 07:54

Please beware of using your pension to do this. Most people underestimate how much they will need to live on and how long it may need to last.

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vincettenoir · 01/12/2019 08:02

We were gifted 10% deposit. We had already saved 5% ourselves and this was enough to get us on the ladder. I’m glad we got on when we did rather than waiting a couple more years while the prices rose.

We were v grateful for the gift but since then I have found out that so many of our friends were gifted up to 50% by their parents. I am a little jealous tbh. But then the truth remains that we were incredibly lucky to get the help we did at the right time.

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madeyemoodysmum · 01/12/2019 08:07

I had some help about 5 k. But that was in 94 and the house was only 35k 😫

We are saving for our two and hope to have 10/20 k for them each. Possibly more if we get inheritance.

It won’t help as much as percent wise it’s no where near but it’s a start at least.

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ThePants999 · 01/12/2019 08:12

10%, i.e. the deposit. I'm incredibly grateful to my dad for getting us on the ladder. We're on track to do at least the same for our kids.

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Inforthelonghaul · 01/12/2019 08:14

A big fat zero. Never had a penny from our parents, borrowed or given.

I would definitely love to be able to help our DC if finances ever allow. I’d hate to see them struggle like we did but then we are very different parents to ours.

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iano · 01/12/2019 08:16

My dad was very generous and gave me £20k. It's really helped me out long term. I made a tidy profit on my first property and it helped buy where we live now. I'm very grateful to him.
If I can I will do the same for my children. It's really tough to get on the ladder especially in the SE.

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ADrabLittleCrab · 01/12/2019 08:21

We got no financial help from parents when we bought but we were lucky enough to buy at a time of lower prices and 100% mortgages, although we did have to make it through a recession and negative equity.
We currently put £40 a month away for ds, so without interest, he should have around £10k when he's 21. The plan as well, if he wants it...when DH retires, the mortgage will be paid off and we will either travel or buy a park home to retire to. We currently own a 3 bed flat and can offer that to ds to rent at a peppercorn rent , so he can then save more for a place of his own. But he's only 7, so who knows what the future holds.

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pobparker · 01/12/2019 08:37

My son is a student and over 18 , We have been saving for a deposit for him
I got him to open a direct debit for a Lifetime ISA and pay in the maximum amount , the Government gives a 25% bonus of £1,000 per year , which can only be used for house purchase or pension-

I send a standing order to his bank account to cover from our savings
He will have a deposit for a decent flat here ( fairly cheap area) in a couple of years
I do have the password for the Lisa - to check the money is going in !

Worth doing when your children turn 18

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EveshamMum · 01/12/2019 08:39

DH (an only child) was given £50k by his parents from an inheritance they’d received. If they hadn’t had the inheritance we would’ve had £0. It was about 1/3 of the cost of the property.

I’d like to give my kids something towards a deposit but as they’re all preschool I’ve not started saving yet, I can’t see that we’d be able to give them anywhere near £50k unless we get an inheritance but at least they have a secure home to grow up in.

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dutchmaster · 01/12/2019 08:40

Each set of parents gave us 40% of the deposit (about 9k each I think) Which we repaid when we flipped the house a year later.

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TattiePants · 01/12/2019 08:40

My parents / GM paid the 10% deposit on my first flat and DH’s parents did the same for him. This was in 1996/7 when our flats in The Heatons and Hove respectively were £42k each! That helped us get onto the property ladder and directly contributed to the house we have now.

Both sets of parents have continued to help us (and BIL) financially ever since - we no longer need it but they still love helping and it’s very much appreciated. When the time comes, we’ll do everything we can to help our DC’s onto the property ladder, although a 10% deposit will be a lot more than £4K now!

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FinallyHere · 01/12/2019 08:42

get it back as my inheritance in some 25 years or so... 🤔 if it hasn't gone in care home fees etc

Oh Socksey that is tough.

A documented loan would be paid back before the value of their assets would be assessed for Carr home fees. Is there any chance you could get them to sign a letter confirming the loan?

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Stegosaurus1990 · 01/12/2019 08:45

@DexyMidnight

This is true. Although I said upthread that my parents gifted me 33% of the property value. I actually pay them the equivalent of 33% rent to them. This provides an income to them for their investment, which is a good return for them compared to other investments and in reality it would be sat in the bank. For me, I can afford a couple of hundred quid a month but I couldn’t put down a lump sum. So it works for us all.

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