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AIBU?

To want to help child with housing deposit?

134 replies

Lightsabre · 30/11/2019 14:14

Can I ask, if you had financial help with your deposit, how much or what % of the purchase you received. DH has conveniently forgotten his parents helped him on to the ladder with a 30% gift but this was many years ago when a house in the area he lived in cost £90K. Flats nearby in SE are circa £250K minimum now and I'd like to be able to gift ds 25% when the time comes (not for a few years yet and we'd need to save more/use some pension). He wants to spend the money travelling (of which we have been lucky enough to do a substantial amount in our late 20's and 30's) but I'd like to help our child as much as we can.
What have your experiences been?

OP posts:
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Celebelly · 30/11/2019 15:43

I got 10% from my grandad for my first house. We then got about 25% as a house deposit from my mum when we upsized (so 55k) and another 80k last year when my mum got an inheritance. We've been v lucky indeed. We should be able to help out DD out similarly when the time comes.

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charm8ed · 30/11/2019 15:47

We didn’t receive any help but will be helping our 3DC.

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everybodyneedsomebody · 30/11/2019 15:47

Nothing. We saved up for the deposit ourselves. Around £12k, we used the help to buy scheme which was really useful.

We wouldn’t have accepted money from family out of principle: they have worked hard for it and deserve to enjoy it themselves, not to mention that they still need it for their own lives! But even if they were rolling in it we wouldn’t have gone down that road. Financial independence means a lot to us and we felt a real sense of pride and achievement at being able to buy a house on our own off our own backs. Currently sat in our lovely living room! We bought this year, aged 27 and 31. Of course we could have done it sooner with a handout but it’s just not something I’d have felt okay accepting. I find it strange when I see parents who seem to feel beholden to ‘helping’ their adult children with mortgage deposits. If you want to then sure, it’s your cash, go ahead. But I’ve seen people who actually feel guilty that they can’t which seems awful to me, it’s not expected or mandatory!

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8paws8legs · 30/11/2019 15:50

I wouldn't start taking out of your pension pot, that's madness you work all your life so should enjoy retirement as comfortably and fun as possible, that's a huge amount to gift your son and I think it would be better to let them save themselves by all means gift some but I think that's excessive, most lenders want you to have 10% deposit, would that be a figure that meant you could still keep your retirement fund?

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FilthyforFirth · 30/11/2019 15:57

We got £25k from a grandparent which in London was a 5% deposit on a 2 bed house. Enough to get us on the ladder.

We are saving now for DS. But no idea how much we will be able to give him. Bottom line is we'll give him something.

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MereDintofPandiculation · 30/11/2019 15:57

Another thing to be aware of is that if you need care, and give your child a deposit, local authority can regard it as "deprivation of assets" and treat the money you have given away as if you still had it available for your care fees. They are getting more aggressive about this, and delving further back in time - you have to be sure that there's no way you could have anticipated needing the money for care at the time you gave it away.

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Lightsabre · 30/11/2019 19:33

Thank you, some really good points to consider. I think aiming to help with a 10% deposit is more realistic (and achievable!) and might be the compromise. I think with Brexit there might be a gentle decline in prices too which will help I guess.

OP posts:
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PepePig · 30/11/2019 19:37

Just under 10%. However, where we chose to buy is affordable. With our own savings we managed to get her deposit just under 20% Smile. Anything helps, especially when you're in a rush to buy!

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blue25 · 30/11/2019 19:41

Nothing. We used our own savings.

I would help my child if I could, but I certainly wouldn’t touch my pension to do so.

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Sofast · 30/11/2019 19:46

We've had nothing. My mum always talks about how much she is saving and how it'll be amazing for us when she dies but honestly, we'll be happily sorted by then and I dont get why she doesn't help my brother and I now. I will definitely be helping my daughters

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AlexaAmbidextra · 30/11/2019 20:00

Years ago, I bought a house for £153,000 and my mother gave me £53,000. I have no siblings and as she saw it, I was going to get the lot anyway when she died so she wanted to help me when I needed it.

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JagerPlease · 30/11/2019 20:02

I'm in my early 30s and almost every one of my friends my age who owns a property had help either from parents or inheritance. Mine was about 25% of my first flat. In fact I think the only people I know who didn't get help moved in with parents for a couple of years rent free to save. All these people are on 30k plus (some much more) but generally South East and paying rent of upwards of £800pm

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/11/2019 20:04

My folks couldn't gift a deposit, certainly not at the % you want to. They did however let us live there at a pittance contribution for as long as was needed to pull together our deposit. Took us about 1 year.

Why do they need a 25% deposit?

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cptartapp · 30/11/2019 20:09

We got nothing. My parents couldn't have afforded to give us anything. PIL are very well off. They gave SIL £10k on the proviso she was married first (and then paid for all her wedding too), but DH got nowt but disapproval as we weren't wed.
Whatever one of my DC gets, so will the other.

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JaceLancs · 30/11/2019 20:11

I have budgeted to give each of my DC 5% or around 10k depending when they buy
I won’t be contributing to wedding costs as well

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GoKartMozart · 30/11/2019 20:12

Mine were extremely lucky to be left £12k each by their Nan (my amazing Mum). We topped that up to £15k. Son has just bought his first home with that and DD is putting it into a LISA for a bit more help.

DH and I were given £3k from each set of parents when we bought our house, but this was 1997 and it was just £36k.

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VirtualHamster · 30/11/2019 20:12

My parents lent us 20k (20%) which we then paid back over the next 8 years.

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Bourbonbiccy · 30/11/2019 20:12

We had a little help from my father of 10% deposit when I was 21 buying our first home. We paid him back pretty quickly as we were earning enough to cover mortgage/ bills and more.

We will be doing the same for our son, he won't know about it until the time it's necessary nor will he be brought up to expect it but we have it saved ready for him. I don't understand why people wouldn't want to help your child if you comfortable could but everyone is different.

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Supersimkin2 · 30/11/2019 20:17

I got 0. My parents had a London house bought for them. I don't want the next generation stuck renting like I am, so we're doing what we can to assist.

Dumping someone on renting for life is no joke - if you are or aren't going to help, you must let them know where they stand.

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IckleWicklePumperNickle · 30/11/2019 20:18

We didn't receive any money.

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Alarae · 30/11/2019 20:19

So we are quite lucky that FIL could lend us our deposit for our first house which was about 20% (55k). We set up a payment for £400 per month.

We moved three years later and borrowed another £9k to fund a small shortfall in the purchase and increased our repayments back to £500.

We have currently paused our payments as expecting our first child and building a savings buffer for maternity leave. We will begin paying back at £500 per month when I return to work.

Planning on saving all child benefit for little one and topping up to £100 per month, so if we continue without amending it should be about 21k at 18, not including any growth. Planning on saving this in an account in my name though as don't trust an 18 year old having a massive chunk of money!

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hauntedvagina · 30/11/2019 20:24

If you are gifting a deposit, the lender will probably want you to sign something to say that the money is a gift and that you have no financial interest in the property.

My parents lent me around 20k to buy my first house. I paid them back after around ten years by releasing some equity in the house. It was very much a gentlemen's agreement with nothing signed for and there was no pressure for me to pay them back by a certain time (although it was listed in their will so should they have died before it was paid back, my inheritance would have been 20k less than my siblings).

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Kahlua4me · 30/11/2019 20:25

I didn’t need any help as moved in with dh and he already had a house. However mum would certainly have helped me if I had needed it, think she helped my db though.

We will be helping dc when the time comes as i have money from inheritance form my mum which I will save for them when they need it.

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Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 30/11/2019 20:27

We got nothing, my partner had a small inheritance from a grandparent which we had to save to top up and used a shared ownership scheme. I would never expect my parents to give me that amount of money, and I don’t know anyone that has received that much apart from inheritance. We have 3 children, they all have savings accounts but won’t have any more than 2k in each by the time they’re 18, unless our financial situation dramatically improves.

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Stegosaurus1990 · 30/11/2019 20:31

I have a good job in a respected profession, my parents lent me 33% of the cost of the house. I got the max mortgage I could on a modest two bed in a nice area.

I plan to help my own DC. It’s impossible (ok not impossible but bloody difficult) to get on the housing ladder without help now. House prices are rising so fast its like chasing your tail saving.

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