Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

[youcanonlydraftthefuture]

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean?

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

Why do people complain at getting booze while pregnant? They arent pregnant forever and could enjoy it after baby is here.

I once had a mini karma sutra book 😂 no idea if I should laugh or cry.

Because it's funny?

Also, all this whining about minimum spends - it is not always possible to assess how much something cost, and therefore it's entirely reasonable to get a Nice Thing for a fiver or so and call it job done. Also, (and I know this will bring out the other flock of whiners who hate handmade gifts and craft) if you are capable of making gifts, why not do that?

That's really pretty shit OP, and I too would feel shortchanged by this. Presumably people can opt out if they so wish, and this is indeed what they should do, if they're not going to play by the rules and get shit, cheapo gifts. YANBU.

Also, all this whining about minimum spends - it is not always possible to assess how much something cost, and therefore it's entirely reasonable to get a Nice Thing for a fiver or so and call it job done. Also, (and I know this will bring out the other flock of whiners who hate handmade gifts and craft) if you are capable of making gifts, why not do that?

Er, no. It's not about how much you think it looks like it costs... It's about how much you spend - and a £10 minimum spend is just that, you spend £10, even if it looks to you that it's worth more. If you don't like it, don't participate. Why do some people think the rules don't apply to them?

Homemade is different - if you factor in time, you're probably spending far more than the minimum spend in your time at NMW or higher. Whether what you're making is an appropriate gift or not is another matter, and depends entirely on your skills.

Also, the original concept of SS was to have a maximum spend, so having a minimum spend is a shitty idea anyway. Because the SS idea was supposed to stop people feeling they had to spend more than they could afford, with the whole business of buying one present rather than several keeping the cost down for everyone.

Would you whinyarses whine if your request was for a particular book (eg you wanted the most recent novel by a favourite author): the 'new' price is £9.99 but you somehow found out that your Secret Santa had spotted a pristine copy in the local charity shop for £3 and got you that. Because if you would object to that, you really are money-obsessed, aren't you?

Mumsnetters in “Ebenezer Scrooge” shocker.

The spirit of Christmas right here.

Who counts how much their secret Santa cost ffs.

The rule for our Secret Santa is: regift, handmade or under £5 from a charity shop
You’d think this was a good idea, but today I saw a woman in a charity shop pleading for things to be discounted so she could afford them for her Secret Santa budget. The volunteer was like “It’s for charity?” 🙄

How easy do you think it is for people who can't afford to participate to back out? Having been in this situation, I can tell you that it's really hard. You don't want to admit it. And you want to pretend that everything's ok, so you get sucked into the team joviality....but you can't afford it.
And you give a shit present.

You try...but you know it's shit.

But it's that or having to be the spoil sport because you won't join in.

You can't win.

Surely it's like any present you would give to someone within your friendship/family circle? It's the thought that counts.

Maybe I've just been lucky but the all teams I've been on have looked upon it as an exercise in affectionately making fun of each other. Nobody expected to get anything "nice" or necessarily equal to what they spent although, that said, I've certainly loved some of the ridiculous things people have got me, regardless of whether or not they equalled the value of what I bought for someone else. Nobody has been judged for opting out, either.

Setting a maximum cost, in theory, just sets a vague expectation to stop people from going overboard or feeling hard done by. It seems like it hasn't worked on this occasion. If £15 is worth this much angst, is Secret Santa really worth doing? It's meant to be fun.

Just to reassure posters worrying about funds but not feeling able to back out, my favourite Secret Santa present was a second hand book of 4 ingredient recipes that couldn't have cost more than £1 from a charity shop.

The important part was that someone, I don't know who although I had my suspicions, had taken the time and trouble to get to know me and knew I'd love it.

I couldn’t get worked up about this to be honest. Maybe they signed up a month ago and could afford it then something needed repaired unexpectedly in their house. Who knows. The funny thing is everyone saying I bought very thoughtful presents that their SS would have loved . I’m sorry but maybe the recipients are looking thinking wtf is this last time I’m taking part.

thenestedelf but clearly not everyone thinks like that as we can see from the OP.

I was in your situation 2 years ago OP. I also started to worry about the environmental impact of secret Santa and unwanted gifts. I said I wasn't doing it last year and spent the money on myself. People at work think I'm Scrooge but I don't care! We did one with our friends which I also refused. DH said it was mean and then he bought a nice bottle of gin and in return got some supplement cards for cards against humanity, that game everyone had about 7 years ago....we don't even have the game and have never mentioned it / played it with this group of friends.

Just opt out, don't worry about what people think and get yourself something nice that won't end up in landfill

posterWatchingTheMoon I didn't mean to come across as putting the boot into the OP because I agree with you but just wanted to present another perspective to the SS minefield. It seems like one of those events where expectations differ.

How easy do you think it is for people who can't afford to participate to back out? I usually opt out. I just say "no thank you I can't afford it". If the other person wanted to question that they'd look like a dick. I've had it once where they've been all "come on it's not much money" etc. To that I've just replied "I've said no thank you, I can't magic money I don't have out of thin air, please don't ask again." And it's been fine. You just need to speak up that's all.

YABU to expect to get something you like in Secret Santa. It's always rubbish!

Maybe they can't actually afford it?

Also, the op obviously knows the person she drew, they chat all time about mug brands, chocolate and bath additives. The person who drew her might not know her at all. It's hard to buy for people you don't know, so you just buy a mug and some chocs or something.

Our organiser used a fab website this year specifically for Secret Santa. You put in your name and the specified budget. You then put in 3 categories of things you like. It comes up with a humungous list of prezzies and you choose an unspecified number. When it’s time, the organiser is able to randomly and anonymously match people and you’re given a name and their list (my person had chosen 37 items!) You click on what they want and have it delivered at home. So easy and you know they want it. The thing i’m buying costs £9 and the limit is £10.

You just need to speak up that's all

Some people are ashamed of being poor. Great that you're not but everyone is different. My mother would no sooner say she had no money than fly to the moon.

On exchange day do you know what his secret Santa got him? Nothing, not a thing. Due to his learning disabilities he can be a bit sensitive at the best of times and was really upset, i mean who treats a 19 year old with disabilities this way? Didn’t they think for a second that it may upset him if they didn’t bother getting anything?

This is awful, especially as the lazy fucker would have got something themselves. Every secret santa I’ve participated in the organiser kept a note of who had picked who, which is a disincentive to just not bothering as the organiser would know!

Our organiser used a fab website this year specifically for Secret Santa. You put in your name and the specified budget. You then put in 3 categories of things you like. It comes up with a humungous list of prezzies and you choose an unspecified number. When it’s time, the organiser is able to randomly and anonymously match people and you’re given a name and their list (my person had chosen 37 items!) You click on what they want and have it delivered at home. So easy and you know they want it. The thing i’m buying costs £9 and the limit is £10.

At the point you're picking your own presents I honestly can't see the advantage it offers over you all just agreeing to spend £10 on yourselves and be done with it