Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

[youcanonlydraftthefuture]

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean?

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

I don't do it anymore after one year spending the max on a lovely present for someone and getting... Nothing. Yep my secret santa couldn't be arsed. It was disappointing and embarrassing. Oh about a month later though (I don't know if he felt guilty or the organisers had said something) I got an entirely unsuitable regifted Christmas present. Anyway no more secret santa for me

Also, the op obviously knows the person she drew, they chat all time about mug brands, chocolate and bath additives. The person who drew her might not know her at all. It's hard to buy for people you don't know, so you just buy a mug and some chocs or something.

That's not excuse. You just buy them a decent mug from at least Asda, and a £1 bar of chocolate from Poundland. Not a £1 cheap mug and a see through pack of chocolate buttons (that contain less than a handful).

Your theory sounds great if it's executed normally - With a proper bar of chocolate at least!

SS should be a function of money and effort. If you don't want to spend money, it's arguably reasonable to trawl through charity shops to find a second hand copy of a book which is genuinely wanted by your recipient, and in as new condition. The book may only have cost you £3, but the time spent finding it rather than ordering from Waterstones.com at full price, may (when considered at NMW or higher) equate more or less to the minimum spend. The same is true for homemade gifts.

That's not comparable to a cheap variant on a generic theme - a £1 mug and some unbranded buttons. If the OP is mistaken and the mug is a £15 branded version and the buttons are actual stealth marketed Leonidas buttons, naturally, the OP is unreasonable. One feels this is unlikely...

I worked in a place that did this for 10 years. The quality of the presents varied a lot - I wouldn't say I could tell exactly who gave me each thing, but I could tell whether they knew me very well or not. I had a couple of very nice bracelets over the years and some decent wine. I now work in a place where they don't do one (there are too few of us, there wouldn't be the same element of surprise) and I think I kind of miss it. I think if you agree to join in you have to accept that you might get something that isn't really what you would have wanted - or you might get something lovely!

I love the idea of the regifted or charity shop version. I'd be up for a hand-made version too.

Diseases I agree.

And I'm extremely easy to buy for, I'm an open book and I can think of so many examples of things I've spoken about to pretty much everyone (small office)

I can understand the "bad" gifts when it's literally forced on you and you feel you have to, but It's much worse when you actively need to sign up to partake in the festivities and don't try at all. It's beyond rude & they should be banned for future ones.

I’m glad I don’t work in these workplaces where you’d have to explain yourself for not partaking. No one where I’ve worked cares. Just say “no”, job done. Its hardly going to be compulsory to have to spend your own money taking part in something you can’t afford or don’t want to. And you don’t have to fess up to being “poor” either. I honestly wonder how some people manage to have actual properly tricky conversations if declining taking part in a secret Santa is such a song and dance.

Some people are ashamed of being poor. Great that you're not but everyone is different. My mother would no sooner say she had no money than fly to the moon.

So you go with some pious, virtue signalling guff like, 'Sorry, Christmas is a time of charity and worship to me so I only give to charity in the holidays.' Job done.

I'm actually really surprised people still get away with sexual gifts or 'affectionately making fun of each other gifts', that just has harassment complaint written all over it these days.

Just as an aside I once bought a pretty mug in Sainsbury’s (very high class obv)l I paid about £5 for it.

A week later I was in Poundland and saw the same mugs for £1. I assumed they were defective in some way but couldn’t see how. I bought a few more .

How many mugs does a person need? At least you can eat chocolate willies. A mug has to be one of the shittiest gifts. I have matching Le Crueset ones so any mug gift would go straight to charity.

Maybe they just don’t like you and the way your acting over this present is a bit OTT. You are so bitter it isn’t a good look. Just move on or don’t take part next year .

I don't engage in the office secret Santa for this reason. It's not mandatory, and I have no wish to receive tat.

Also, for the most part, people in your offices are no more than acquaintances. They're not your close family or friends, so why would anyone expect super-thoughtful gifts from them?

It's setting yourself up for disappointment. Office secret Santa is always crap, if you must do it, manage your expectations downwards.

@dontalltalkatonce - I love a good mug, we always run out of them in the office, especially when we have outside people coming in for jobs, job interviews, visitors of all sorts, and there is never enough plus some break during the year anyway.

OP, I get the disappointment. It's not difficult to buy something nice, or at least alright, for the amount specified. If people, like someone said above, didn't have money, they should have opted out. Opting in and probably expecting a great gift but giving something that is worthless and joyless is just not nice.
Although I was once even more disappointed when I got someone a nice gift and got nada in return, and a lady from HR handed me and a couple of other giftless people a bottle of wine instead of a present, so that we didn't go home empty handed. Don't know if the person just didn't turn up on the day at all because of an illness, or was present but didn't bring their gift for me.

Emma Bridgewater mugs are quite expensive, I have one & guard it with my life I know it’s the thought that counts but it can be disappointing especially when a lot of thought is put into a present for another person!

I once got my TA as my secret Santa and I bought her some pretty pink floral scissors because she always trying to do wall displays with kids scissors, and some chocolates to make up the £20.
She was really cross, she had no idea that it was from me and went into a bitch-rant over it. I thought she’d like it!
You can’t please r erypne, it’s only a bit of fun, don’t expect anything fancy .
I suspect those who but crap pebably received crap the year before and decide to do the same.

Also, for the money thing, one year we did a pre loved items in my other work, and I absolutely loved the gift I got, so it doe snot have to be pricey or even knew if it is thought out and in a decent condition. Someone on the previous page was saying it's ridiculous to expect people to spend money or that people who expect nice gifts are precious, but there is a difference between a nice cheap gift and 'I don't give a f*' type of gift.

My first thought was exactly the same as @dontalltalkatonce

I have sets of mugs at home, so as lovely as an Emma Bridgewater mug is, I don't need a random one-off mug, and it would probably sit un-used or be regifted.

We have stacks of mugs at work too, that go through the dishwasher, so I wouldn't even use it at work.

It's ostensibly a lovely gift, but in actual fact it would pretty much amount to unwanted tat, to me. I genuinely don't say that to be unkind, but to point out how pointless Secret Santa is when it comes to work colleagues, and how a group donation to a charity or food bank is actually a lot more useful.

We are doing a secret Santa this year £10, we put hits on our bit of paper. I like Skulls, The Nightmare Before Christmas and Me 2 u bears so I'm hoping for something like the 3 hits I've put. The person I got has put a book voucher, wine or home stuff, I will be getting a £10 voucher as I don't know about wine I like sparkling rose and not £10 a bottle. Unfortunately people don't have time or want to put the effort in but they should be spending at least the minimum amount.

@youcanonlydraftthefuture
You did a lovely thing, they were twits!!
Mostly my secret Santa's have been OK. We also used to do the charity shop idea, the gifts were hilarious and really well thought out. We will do if again, but have merged teams, so think it needs a lot more thought, next year maybe!

I did do a Secret Santa one year and my managing director got me can't remember who I got but I ended up getting a horrible green nail varnish that wasn't shiny it was horrid feeling when put on I thanked them and wore it once then never again.

When I was teaching , we had to get a prezzie that was to do with the teacher’s subject. Budget £10.
One chap hated SS. He drew the Geography teacher and bought her a small tobelerone LOL ( mountains ...... ) I know because I was the organiser. She put on a very brave face when she publicly unwrapped it.

This is why I don't like secret santa.

' I mean why would you buy a folk song cd to a woman in her 30's '

I personally would love that as a Christmas gift! I realize not everyone would, but it's a matter of personal taste, not age.

I think a lot of people overestimate how well their colleagues know them. Threads about awful Secret Santas are always full of "everyone knows I have sensitive skin", "everyone knows I never wear red", "everyone knows I'm allergic to almonds", "everyone knows my dog's a westie, not a sheltie", etc, etc.

You seriously can't count on colleagues paying that much attention.