Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

[youcanonlydraftthefuture]

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean?

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

Hate SS they are inevitably full of 'rude' crap you are supposed to find funny after you spend ages trying to get something reasonably decent for £10 as you would like someone to do for you. Why waste money on stuff that's going to go in the bin straight after the Xmas meal or whenever they are dished out? I don't want a deck of fake 'moustashes' thanks nor willy shaped soap or drinking straws.

Years ago I managed to get something worth a lot more than the amount set as it was hugely reduced before Xmas for my SS. But I forgot to take the new price tag off which was covering the old one. It was obvious the gift was worth more than both the £ spent and the set budget (i spent a couple of £ under budget) but the recipient did nothing but moan for days on end about the cheapskate who bought thier gift while looking pointedly at me. She was a complete bitch anyway so nobody would speak up to her about it. I didn't give a fig I hated the place and left soon after.

Glad I don't have to do SS any more.

Our work Secret Santa is optional and I've opted out. It's one of those where you can 'steal' someone's present and I can't be arsed. The previous department I worked in was great and they even did a Secret Bunny for Easter. The department before THAT, I got a woolly acrylic scarf 'because you like knitted things' (yes, lace scarves knitted myself) but luckily it was from Asda and I got to change it for a nice pair of slipper boots to keep in the caravan 😀

I want to know where you can get an EB mug, fancy bubble bath and chocolate for £18!!

I just find isolation in workplaces distasteful and a workplace activity shouldn’t exclude anyone on the basis of affordability, neither should a person have to declare their circumstances to the whole office.

It’s not really isolating if it’s something you don’t want to participate in anyway, regardless of the reason. And if you want to participate purely to get a nice gift, while knowing you’ll be spending f &2, you’re a CF anyway. And why would you have to declare your circumstances to the office? The words “no thanks” when asked if one wants to participate are surely sufficient?

My cousin has learning disabilities but has a few hours a week job in a shop, they did secret Santa last year. £10 limit

He asked his mum to go in town with him and pick a gift for the girl he got, they looked in a fair few shops and they got her an eye makeup pallet thing, he wrapped in nice with ribbon the lot. He took a lot of care in hi gift.

On exchange day do you know what his secret Santa got him? Nothing, not a thing. Due to his learning disabilities he can be a bit sensitive at the best of times and was really upset, i mean who treats a 19 year old with disabilities this way? Didn’t they think for a second that it may upset him if they didn’t bother getting anything?

Thing is he would of been chuffed with some chocolates wrapped which the shop they work in sell by the shelf full & staff get discount on so it was simply pure laziness.

The store manager gave him a wrapped selection box when he was next in, I think he felt sorry for the poor lad.

Last year , in my office we agreed the cost should be around £2.50, as an added challenge. It has gone up to £3.00 this year. Most people got decent gifts, I spent about £4.50 and the gift I received must have cost about a fiver. I organised it and made sure that everybody who agreed to join in did actually bring in a gift, as years ago in a previous job I didn't receive anything and no one knew who had picked my name. I received a gift in the new year and the pickee said that they had mislaid it before!

@CareOfPunts

If the SS tight arse couldn’t afford to participate s/he should have declined.

@Cornettoninja

Ah, the spirit of Christmas is so heartwarming!

I would rather get a bag of jelly tots than exclude someone who wanted to join in. If someone genuinely couldn’t afford £10 to participate then I think it’s really sad to exclude them further.

I agree cornettaninja.

There are some really entitled feckers on here. I spent twenty quid on YOU, how DARE you not spend the same on me! FFS!

I can imagine a few posters here (including the one you quoted - and the OP) throwing their 'cheap' gift to the floor in a sulky tantrum because the person who bought it didn't spend enough on them.

It's the OP @youcanonlydraftthefuture and people like her who should not join in, not the ones who haven't much money to spare. The more she posts, the more she sounds like hard work.

And @ActualHornist - I can't speak for @cornettaninja but no, I would not give a shit if I spent £15 on someone and they spent £3 on me. I am not that precious and entitled, and I don't make a song and a dance about it if someone spends less on me.

Moreover, with most Secret Santas, the budget is a MAXIMUM of a tenner. It doesn't have to BE a tenner. No wonder so many people are being put off it when people have attitudes like a few on here.

@dottiedodah

I think the OP has a valid point here TBH. She has spent time and money buying her SS a lovely thoughtful present (no doubt wrapped nicely as well) to be presented with a poundshop gift .This means in essence she has lost about £16.00.

PMSL.

Maybe the OP can get the person in question to set up a direct debit, to pay her back. A pound a week til the end of March. Maybe take the case to the Judge Rinder Show if she refuses.

@MrsLinManuelMiranda

Last year , in my office we agreed the cost should be around £2.50, as an added challenge. It has gone up to £3.00 this year. Most people got decent gifts, I spent about £4.50 and the gift I received must have cost about a fiver. I organised it and made sure that everybody who agreed to join in did actually bring in a gift, as years ago in a previous job I didn't receive anything and no one knew who had picked my name. I received a gift in the new year and the picked said that they had mislaid it before!

This. No need for a budget of more than a fiver at all. It's ridiculous to spend £18 on a Secret Santa. And then to complain when someone else spends much less. Ludicrous.

I don't care if someone decided it was a 'minimum' of a tenner. No-one would tell me what I should be spending. I would spend a fiver max. And I don't give a flying fart if that makes me a 'CF' in the eyes of some. Seriously, zero shits given.

I dont take part in ours even when almost everyone has. I'd much rather spend money on something I want and you get something you want than us mostly be sat there £20 down with tat that's no use to any of us.

I spend plenty of time RESISTING buying tat I think is pretty. I dont need tat someone else thinks is pretty.

Even if someone guesses that what you need is slippers for the caravan they won't choose the ones you'd buy for yourself.

And as for people who keep saying how good they are at choosing gifts for people they are as hit and miss as anyone IME.

/Scrooge rant ends]

I’ve had some great & naff SS presents in the past but we don’t do it where I work now.
Hard to buy if you don’t know the person well - I’d get chocs for someone now if I didn’t know them well. Can be fun if you’re good friends, can get a nice or fun jokey present.

The words “no thanks” when asked if one wants to participate are surely sufficient?

You’d think so wouldn’t you but quite often people find themselves under interrogation for not participating in office stuff. It can be quite pressured and intimidating in some situations.

I can't believe some people are genuinely trying to justify tight arses.

If the budget is £10, it goes without saying that it should be as close to that as possible. Most people will buy something nice at say, £8, then make up the rest with chocolates, for example. To go and purposely spend £3 is a joke.

So, you saved £7 from your SS then someone spends £10 on you. Why should you essentially be £17 better off and someone else £3?

It's rude. If you don't want to do it, say no. Don't subject someone to a shite gift because you can't be arsed. There's been times in work where it's been someone's birthday and I couldn't afford to put a tenner in. I put what I could in. Which is fine because I wasn't expecting anything back. If I couldn't afford SS I'd say no to doing it. Me being "embarrassed" for all of 3 seconds is better than someone being screwed over.

You’d think so wouldn’t you but quite often people find themselves under interrogation for not participating in office stuff. It can be quite pressured and intimidating in some situations.

God you must have worked in some awful places. Anywhere I’ve worked it’s “do you want to contribute in SS/towards X’s leaving present!” , you say yes or no, and the asker moves on. Never heard of someone being “interrogated” about not taking part or pressured into doing so. And I’ve been around a long time and had a lot of different jobs.

My craft group did a lucky dip santa one year. Complicated by the fact that the majority of members seem to have differing food allergies so foodie presents were out. Then someone wanted to swap her gift as it was unsuitable but got no takers, it was rather embarassing to watch a (sober) grown woman having a touch of the terrible twos. She got no takers as we were all rather gobsmacked. There were maybe three gifts being saved for people who were not there so in the end someone said to rewrap her gift and pick one of the others. She opened them all and chose the one she wanted!!!

Needless to say we have never done it again!!

The rule for our Secret Santa is: regift, handmade or under £5 from a charity shop.

That sounds like so much fun. I bet it could get to be a bit of a competition as to who can find the weirdest gift.

I worked in an office where someone didn’t get a gift!
It was awful...then everyone disclosed who they had. ( to one person) like a witch hunt.

The senior manager was the guilty party! He was a twat!

I used to take part in a SS with a group of online friends (we met on a forum many years ago, have met in real life a good few times, and are all FB friends too).
When we are paired with our "giftee", most people put their likes and dislikes, preferences etc but even if people don't, I know their tastes etc pretty well. For example, one year I was allocated a lady who loves squirrels so I went to great lengths to buy her a lovely squirrel related gift. Another year I had someone who is into crystals etc so I made a special trip to a shop a few miles away that I knew sold this kind of thing. I always try to find a gift that the recipient will appreciate. However I didn't join in this year, because for the past few years, several different buyers have sent me generic toiletry gift sets, Dairy Milk chocolates and the like. No thought or effort whatsoever, just grabbing something with the food shopping. I know that sounds ungrateful, and it's nice to get a gift at all, but the effort I put in didn't seem appreciated, and I never received anything thoughtful or tailored to me. It wasn't about the expense for me, as our limit was always £10 and I stuck to that, however it was the lack of thought that made me stop taking part.

but if I'm honest, a secret santa present for a colleague (possibly one I don't even like as you don't get to pick) is so far down my list of priroties.

Then don’t do secret Santa!

I’m not involving myself this year because of years of getting shit when I’ve put in the effort to buy something I think the person will like at the required budget.

If it’s low down on your priorities - don’t bloody get involved. Rather than just give someone tat.

It’s not hard to decline.

Why are people trying to justify this behaviour.

Well you’re a tight arse as well then @MistyCloud. If there’s a SS “rule”/minimum spend you should stick to that or not participate. Maybe you don’t like the people you work with (certainly couldn’t blame them for your colleagues not liking you) but I get on with my colleagues and would certainly not give “zero fucks” about them feeling crap and belittled with their gift. No, no ones going to weep tears of joy and happiness at what they get in a bloody office SS, I’m very good at treating myself to things I want and don’t rely on others far less colleagues, but you take part, you play fair IMO.

It’s not “entitled” to say that someone who doesn’t play fair is a CF. Probably the same person who goes to the toilet/“doesn’t want a drink” when it’s their round but happy to down jägerbombs and cocktails when someone else is paying.

Don’t understand this “minimum spend” malarkey. Every secret Santa I have ever taken part in specifies “gifts to the value of around £10” and people do tend to stick to that.

isn't Christmas about giving not receiving
I completely agree.

I agree @constantlyseekinghappiness. There’s been times I haven’t taken part because I couldn’t be bothered. I wish I hadn’t this year to be honest because I don’t have a scooby what to buy for my recipient!

I want to know where you can get an EB mug, fancy bubble bath and chocolate for £18!!

John Lewis do EB mugs for £10, Sainsbury/Waitrose do bubble bath for £5 and you can get a nice bar of Green and Black for £3 easy!

By the time people are adult and working age, Christmas should just be a bit of fun rather than agonising over SS and how unfair it is. Just take it as it comes, or opt out or cheat like I did

@CareOfPunts, maybe I have been particularly unlucky but that’s been my experience 🤷‍♀️

It’s not even my battle to have, I’m quite happy to tell people I’m just not playing because I think it’s shite but I’ve seen people who’ve openly said they can’t stretch their budgets being lectured on how they should spend their money to be able to, called tight, talked about behind their backs etc. It’s reminiscent of school bullying in a way and not very pleasant. Maybe it’s the positions I’ve worked in that have just placed me in a position to hear the general office mutterings.