Can't believe I'm even posting this. Christmas dinner highchair'gate'

[Nobhobs]

Spending Christmas with DH, DS and the in laws. We're weaning DS so mentioned in passing bringing his high chair so he can sit with us during Christmas dinner (if he's not napping or anything like that) he's very alert and active and gets arsey if not being entertained. He loves being in his high chair and round the table and it's his first Christmas so we're a bit excited (yes I know he worn remember it)

MIL has said we can't bring his highchair, as her other sons baby will only be 8 weeks old and can't sit in one and we can't leave out one of the babies on Christmas Day. I laughed thinking it was a bad joke, but no, deadly serious.

We sort of ignored and thought we'd deal with it on the day, but had a text from 8 week olds mum saying that MIL had told her we were going to try and leave her child out and that she's not happy about it. Her baby will be the only one not in the Christmas dinner photos if we bring our highchair I said well obviously baby can be held up in the photos if that's what's upsetting you, DS is at the age where he doesn't just nap constantly and wants to be involved and entertained and it's nothing to do with leaving her child out.

It's totally ridiculous and DH is now saying just to leave the highchair at home to avoid drama. I've never had any issues with the in laws before and I'm mind blown by how stupid this is. Or am I BU? Is this a thing?! If one babies on the floor they all have to be??

[whiteroseredrose]

Bonkers. Fair doesn't mean exactly the same, it means whatever is appropriate.

I'd take the highchair and leave it in the car. Your toddler sits on MILs knee or in the high chair. Her choice

[LittleMissTeacup]

That sounds slightly like I blackmail my DP!

Far from it, I think that when he wants to make a decision that could have a big impact on me, he needs to take on some of that impact!

[gumdrop2]

Also will your DS be able to play with a Christmas cracker because obviously the baby can't grasp one yet so have you discussed what happens when they come out?

[HeyMissyYouSoFine]

Say fine to no high chair, but you’re not holding him because you want to enjoy dinner. After ten mins of squawking squirming baby I’m pretty sure they’ll be delighted when you point out you’ve brought high chair.

That why we used to have a portable chair - it was never needed if I was one dealing with child and not getting to eat - very quickly needed when it wasn't me and everyone thought it great we had one.

[ballsdeep]

Put him on your lap??? Are you serious? Have you ever tried to eat dinner with a baby on your lap pulling everything, splashing gravy and being hard work? Sod that I'd take the high chair

[ellendegeneres]

Batshit. I’d stay home

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

Time to start doing your own Christmas dinners at your home - its the only way to have it the way you really want it to be honest.

Your ILs sound batshit though!

[piercedmyfootonaspike]

How many photos are actually taken during the eating part of Christmas dinner anyway?! Surely the 8 week old can just be held up for the 3 seconds it takes for a photo and then go back to feeding/sleeping/filling its nappy and not being aware what the heck is going on. Ridiculous!

[Didntwanttochangemyname]

Crackers! You need to explain to your DH that either you all go with the highchair, or he's going alone!

[Vanhi]

He's been in a booster chair up at the main table at home for months, he's going to do his nut at being crammed into a high chair in the corner especially as she's timed the meal for the middle of his nap time But I did warn MIL

When he kicks off, please shout "nobody puts baby in a corner", hoick him aloft and then break into a dance routine.

[ELM8]

I thought my MIL was bad... wow. Take the high chair.

[nocluewhattodoo]

I wouldn't be going after all that. People are batshit

[Cohle]

If you didn't have a child would one of the adults have to sit out xmas dinner so that the baby wasn't the only on excluded? This is batshit.

I agree that you should go along with it but make someone else hold your DS and see how much they enjoy it.

[OverthinkingThis]

When he kicks off, please shout "nobody puts baby in a corner", hoick him aloft and then break into a dance routine

I am SO doing that @Vanhi, thanks!!

[RichTwoTurkeyFriend]

Jesus CHRIST what is happening in here tonight? Who are these fucking loons left right and centre?!?!
OP, YANBU. And if I were you I wouldn’t be going and if they ask why, tell them it’s because you’re afraid their fuckwittery will rub off on your small child.

[Ginfordinner]

DH is now saying just to leave the highchair at home to avoid drama.

It will create more drama if you don't bring the chair. I like the idea of allowing your baby to create havoc at the dinner table, knocking over wine and mashing food into the table cloth while on MIL's knee just to prove a point

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

Take the highchair, covered in tinsel as others have suggested. DP has to agree IN ADVANCE to back you all the way. you need to nip this in the bud .
Do they expect you to hold him wriggling on your lap throughout the crowded meal whilst you try to eat yourself as he sprays you with food and knocks over wine glasses. I know from experience this is a horrible way to spend a Christmas lunch and with hot plates and liquids in active reach its not even safe.
Highchair is the only practical solution that is what they were invented for and InLaws should know better than to accuse you of baby photo competitions when they can take whatever photos they want whether DC is in it or not with no objections from you. (just to illustrate how petty this is)
My in laws covered half the dining room/table in decorators sheets with first DC in body bibs and high chair, and spent the entire lunch making sharp intakes of breath with every spoon he lifted fearing potential spillage which made him start bawling and he had to be taken out. Guess who missed the entire lunch? not Dad of course.
If they keep this up, I'd consider a quiet Christmas with just the 3 of you. Good luck

[missnevermind]

I would be sending a message to saythat DS has all meals in his high chair and Christmas will not be any different.
Will he be sat in his high chair at her house or at your house?

[SugarPlumLairy2]

So when the golden grandchild isn’t weaned or is still in nappies does your child have to eat puréed carrots and not use potty? When your kid drops the afternoon nap will they have to go for a lie down so that the golden child isn’t left out?
Put it back on them, how dare they exclude your child or compromise their growth/experiences.
Stay home and ENJOY Christmas without the in-laws, I would. And if people ask tell them truthfully that your in-laws are crazy and biased AGAINST your child.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

When he kicks off, please shout "nobody puts baby in a corner", hoick him aloft and then break into a dance routine.

Thread. Won.

[BrokenWing]

Honestly, they are nuts and you dh should have a word.

What age is your ds? If less than 6 months/not weaned yet and not eating I would let it go. If weaned, and will eat some Xmas dinner it would be nice if he could sit up, but be aware some people don't want to see a messy baby eating/spitting out when they are eating, during ds's first Xmas he projectile vomited on his highchair AND dinner table when he had a problem with a bit of turkey. It put everyone right off their dinner.

But if they insist...it is their home/they are hosting and their choice. Do not show up with the chair and make a scene on the day. If you don't like it don't go.

[Havaina]

That is bonkers. Is SIL/BIL the fave?

I would go to my mum's.

[pigsDOfly]

I'm just wondering what's going to happen when you all get together and your DS is walking but the other one is still crawling.

Are you going to be told to leave your DS's shoes at home because if the other baby isn't wearing shoes neither can yours.

They sound absolutely nuts.

Not sure I could be bother to go there for a meal you''re not going to be able to eat in comfort because of having a squirming child on your lap, a child who would be much happier sitting in a chair eating with everyone else.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

Who has time for this BS?

To hell with playing power-games, arguing the toss, or taking the high chair along anyway when you've been asked not to. Responding to rudeness and a lack of consideration for others with the same behaviour is pointless and puts you in the wrong too. There's a 'game' underlying this one and it's a game I know well: golden-child versus scapegoat. Don't be tempted to play it, because the bad news is, you won't win.

Either you go, sans high-chair, capitulate to their will and suck it up along with a lot of future problems, or you disengage and stay away. I'm all for the latter. If they take a hint, all well and good; if not, you've stepped away from a highly unhealthy dynamic which won't do your DC any good in the longterm. Clear boundaries are needed, and now.

[AllYouGoodGoodPeople]

Oh that is bizarre.

I'd say make a stand and not to go but the high chair is bound to just be the start of the craziest christmas ride you've ever been on