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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why would he be doing this?

89 replies

FiftyFiftySplit · 29/11/2019 07:37

I do an evening shift one day a week, someone comes in to take over from me at 8:30, I’ll call him Jack.

I’ve done this role for about 2 years, Jack started a couple of weeks earlier than me so have worked together the whole time I’ve been there. Jack gets the bus in, because of bus times he gets in at 7:45 so we would chat for a bit before it was time for me to leave.

It’s always been this way, up until about 6 weeks ago. He started coming in later and later, I made a bit of a joke about it after a couple of weeks saying was he avoiding me coming in later. He said no, that he was having a couple of cigarettes before coming in so was a bit later. It kept happening, he was coming in at 8:15 most weeks so i asked him more seriously if I’d done anything to upset him, he said no, that he didn’t realise what day it was until he saw me sat there when he came in. Bullshit excuse but I thought ok, let it go.

Now the last couple of weeks he’s coming in at as near to 8:30 as he can get. Said he got a taxi in last night so he could leave later. He never gets a taxi in so it’s not something he just does sometimes.

I’m not being unreasonable thinking it must be something to do with me? Otherwise it’s a massive coincidence that the one time he gets a taxi in just happens to be the day he knows I’m in? I can’t ask him again because I feel like I’m just being paranoid but I can’t think of another reason why it would suddenly change after near enough 2 years of it always being the same routine.

OP posts:
Slightaggrandising · 29/11/2019 07:39

If he doesn't start til 830, what's the issue?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 29/11/2019 07:43

I can’t ask him again because I feel like I’m just being paranoid

I think you are, to be honest. It’s nice that you get along, but most people wouldn’t want to get to work 45 minutes early every shift if they could avoid it.

DeathStare · 29/11/2019 07:44

There could be a thousand reasons why he is no longer coming in early (remember - he's not late!) and 999 don't relate to you. He's said it doesn't relate to you and he doesn't owe you an explanation for why he isn't arriving early. You keep asking him is probably very annoying so please stop.

Do you fancy him? It sounds a little bit like you do

churchandstate · 29/11/2019 07:46

You’ll have to let this go, or you’ll come across as a right one. He can come in any time he likes up until his start time.

AnyFucker · 29/11/2019 07:48

It's none of your business why he is doing this. Leave the poor guy alone.

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2019 07:49

I think this is a bit paranoid. The guy doesn't start till 8.30. It's a bit much to always expect him to come in early to talk to you Confused

Igotitfromajumblesale · 29/11/2019 07:49

I think you are being a bit paranoid tbh

Perhaps he's find an alternative way to spend this 'spare' 45 mins of his time than chatting to you?

Singlebutmarried · 29/11/2019 07:52

Was it just chat or work chat?

If work chat then he’s effectively doing 45 mins more per shift than he needs to.

If chat chat, have you just Mrs Doyle’d him and he’s run out of small talk after 2 years.

StrayWoman · 29/11/2019 07:52

If he doesn't start until 8.30 what's the problem? He's not your son or husband, he doesn't have to tell you what he does with his time.

Do you fancy him or something?

Tbh if you keep asking him if you've done something wrong or if he's avoiding you then he probably WILL start avoiding you.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 29/11/2019 07:54

As long as he's there to take over at 8:30 you shouldn't be giving it any more thought. He's not duty bound to come in and chat. Is it a busy role? Maybe he's been told to stop distracting you from your work.

Original poster
FiftyFiftySplit · 29/11/2019 07:57

I get that he doesn’t need to be in for 8:30, but with the time his bus is he’s there anyway. There isn’t anything else to do near to where we work so he’s hanging round outside rather than come in and talk to me like he always has done before.

I wouldn’t care if it was the odd week or two, but for it to have been every week for 6 weeks when he’s always been in at the same time before makes it seem like something has changed?

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 29/11/2019 07:57

I reckon he was interested in you, but nothing has progressed for whatever reason so he’s backed off, so no need to come in early now

Luaa · 29/11/2019 07:59

I'd be really pissed off if I was him and you were making a big deal of me arriving to work on time!

AnyFucker · 29/11/2019 08:01

Do you want us to tell you he has secretly been in love with you for 2 years and because this huge romance has not materialised he is in deep mourning and unable to face you?

Whatsforu · 29/11/2019 08:03

I was thinking the same as freddie. Could that be a possibility?

TanteRose · 29/11/2019 08:08

AF has hit the nail on the head Grin

(AF secretly is a HUGE romantic and desperately wants that scenario to be true, amirite AF? Grin)

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 29/11/2019 08:14

One of you was/or is interested romantically in the other, but something has shifted.

Either:

He was interested in you but nothing has developed so he has given up

He was interested in you but has now found someone else.

You have always been interested in him, he has recently realised this, and is backing off because he is not into you that way.

You have recently become interested in him and it’s obvious and he is backing off because he is not into you that way.

Impossible to say which of the above (or a variation of them) it is from your posts.

Whatever the reason though it’s best if you try to put it out of your mind. And certainly don’t ask him about it again.

Surfskatefamily · 29/11/2019 08:16

Or he might have a new love interest away from work? Or something else to occupy him....if hes like my oh maybe a new playstation game lol

Ijustwanttoretire · 29/11/2019 08:17

I think you need to go in on the days you're not in and see what he does then. Hide behind the bins and check whether he arrives early and chats to whoever is there for 3/4 hour. If he does you know it IS you. Then jump out and confront him.

Josephinebettany · 29/11/2019 08:22

Let it go or you'll come across as really weird.

Josephinebettany · 29/11/2019 08:22

@Ijustwanttoretire Grin hilarious

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 29/11/2019 08:27

Sorry OP, but you are coming across as bonkers! It’s none of your business how he spends his time before he starts his shift!

lisag1969 · 29/11/2019 08:31

Maybe he has met someone

countdowntochristmas · 29/11/2019 08:32

Let it go , he doesn't start till 8.30 .
Maybe he has things going on that don't concern you and none of your business. If you think it's about you and I doubt it is it will drive you mad , and really is it a big deal ?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/11/2019 08:35

Basically you fancy Jack, yes?
If you wanted something to develop, ask him if he wants to go for a drink.

Maybe he just doesn't want to waste 45 mins at work that he's not being paid for.

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