Sociable child with autism being ignored

[NoFun21]

My little boy who has ASC is very friendly , not in your face just curious and friendly. Today we were out and I was so saddened by seeing him asking a little girl who was playing with the Lego in the sand toy department what her cane was and what she was doing and her just ignoring him. I’m sorry but I’ve thought they might be shy of course but this happens all the time she from obviously confident kids. I saw him look bewildered when ignored agsjn later by an older boy When he asked about his scooter. I was brought up to have manners and recognise when Someone was being friendly. Why can’t these kids just be kind? FYI they can obviously hear him, he is not shouting or invading their space. What do you tell your kids about what is the polite response wilhej a child you don’t now tries to make friends?

Sorry he asked what her name was. Are we telling kids not to tell anyone their names even other children? What’s going on?

I don’t think this is down to him having autism. My own kid ignores everyone even children in his class if he sees them out and they say hello, yet he is loud around people he is comfortable with. How would another child know your son had autism?

I get you op

My dd has sn amd I found even when she was very friendly to nt kids they looked weirded out and didn’t reply.

I think that the other children can sense the difference in the communication style.

I tell them they don’t have to talk to a stranger if they don’t want to, as long as they’re not rude.

I have one child who would happily chat, 2 who would hate to be approached like this.

I would, however, respond myself with “he’s not really up for talking to new people....but I do. You having a good day?”

My daughter gets ignored by other children and adults all the time. Some people just don't like to chat to people they don't know

I have one child who until pretty recently was painfully shy and would have clammed up at your child approaching them like that, and the other has extremely strong boundaries and, while reasonably confident, doesn’t like to talk to people he doesn’t know. How do you know these kids are confident?

I think in your position I would feel the same as you, but please do know it’s much more likely to be about the other kids and their own issues.

I have to say though that I have brought up my nt and sn kids on the basis that if another child says hi it’s polite to say hi back. Good training for work etc where this is expected

I literally cried my eyes out today in public, while waiting to see midwife because my son was trying to play with others and they didnt want to.

I think it’s noticeable when this happens to your child all the time as not all the kids can be shy.

I couldn’t see myself how what dd was doing seemed subtly wrong to these kids, but clearly it did

How do the random children he's chatting to know he has autism? They probably don't know. They could be shy, they could have SN themselves, they could be grumpy or not fancy chatting.

I wouldn't take it personally. I'm not a chatter. I've never been keen on strangers trying to chat to me. I'm a quiet solitary person.

Fluffed

I just find it odd and disappointing . It’s not about him having autism but his autism means he is really trying to be social when it’s hard for him and I don’t know how to help him when he approaches others like this in a really nice non confrontational way and is just blanked.

How olds your LO? A lot of the time parents have to prompt their child to respond and play etc so I wouldn’t take it personal

By the way op this is what I do:

I tell my own kids to say hi to all kids who say hi to them and try to include everyone who wants to play in a group game

My sn dc I say people won’t always want to play with you and that’s ok. If someone isn’t interested or says no if you try to play just say “ok” and find someone else or another activity to do

Social stories are really good for this kind of thing

I’m not gonna force my child to talk to random kids if they don’t want to, I hate random strangers trying to chat to me in public so why should children have to speak to other kids if they don’t want to? And I have a child with autism, though she doesn’t like talking to strangers either.

Thanks Onceuponatimethen for your helpful post.

I don’t believe children should have to talk to people unless they want to, to be honest.

My child has been ignored by other kids plenty of times (and adults too occasionally). No autism. She goes through curious phases, asking questions etc. She also had moments where she is playing alone in her own world of imagination and wouldn't necessarily want to entertain another kid, especially if they're younger and may not be interested in engaging with them.
I think that's just kid behaviour, not because your child has autism. Not everyone wants to chat on demand, all kids are learning.

I think there is a difference between being ignored by some children and by all, or almost all

Kids who are neurodiverse do things differently to other kids and as an adult it is often very hard to see what is happening that isn’t typical. The constant rejection can be very hard for children with sn and also can rob them of the opportunity to learn the skills they most need

As a parent it can be really hard to watch when it happens again and again

op I do get it

I get it OP, my son has the same problem too and it breaks my heart to see his confused, hurt little face crumble. A while back 2 boys let him play their game with him in the pool near us and while they didn’t ‘get’ him, they were so patient. I nearly cried I was so happy for him. And said thank you for letting him play. They probably thought I was batshit but it meant so much to my boy. And me.

How old are the kids in question?

How old is he?

Op some ideas for learning these skills. These things helped my dd:

Enrol in a group activity or class which requires group stuff. My dd is musical so we did a musical one. The children would do some free play with the instruments and that gave an opportunity for structured social interaction

Many speech therapy practices run Lego club. If you haven’t looked at this before then have a look at the Bricks for Autism site - this is structured play with set roles and with a Lego basis and has evidence for improving social skills

You could ask school or nursery to run a social skills nurture group

Oh hide - I so understand to you too