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Original poster

To not cover up...

103 replies

AnxiousPixie · 27/11/2019 16:46

First post so hope I'm doing this right...probably TMI at times! Sorry about that!

My DH and I have one DS now 4yo. I have always been body confident and don't want to raise kids that are ashamed of their bodies.

I don't wear PJs, I always wear underwear on my bottom half but rarely on the top. DS regularly gets into bed with us first thing in the morning.

DH is now saying he is too old to see my body and I should cover up. I knew at some point it might get odd but I didn't think that would be a early as four!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 27/11/2019 21:48

yeah people are odd about naked bodies? There is nothing odd about not wanting to see a ballsack flapping around the house or breasts a go go! What is odd is other people deciding that their way is the correct way. If you are comfortable with being naked then thats absolutely fine. If others aren't then thats fine too.
Anyway OP at 4 I really don't see its a problem.

youcanonlydraftthefuture · 27/11/2019 22:50

North Balls flapping about isn't comparable to breasts. One is of a sexual nature, the other is simply not.

CustomerCervixDepartment · 27/11/2019 23:52

I would just work from the assumption that no one wants to see anyone’s boobs or vulvas or bollocks and work from there. ‘It’s natural’ -yeah, great, doesn’t mean anyone wants to look it it. Having to look at your parents genitals/boobs does NOT give you body confidence, ffs 😄 just put some clothes on, it’s not difficult, ‘the body isn’t shameful!!!’-cool story, pet, but just put your minge away, eh.

Mandatorymongoose · 27/11/2019 23:53

I'm usually naked in bed, occasionally around the upstairs of the house if I'm just fetching something or whatever. DS (6 years) will sometimes get in bed with me. DD (20) has seen me undressed a million times. If I ever thought they were uncomfortable I'd make an effort to cover up but I've never thought much of it. DD would probably tell me quickly enough!
If I go to the gym with my DM then she sees me naked too when I'm changing (briefly! I don't wander about the changing rooms). It's just a body, it's neither particularly pretty or ugly, much the same as everyone elses. Just doing boring stuff like getting a towel from the hall cupboard. I'm not sure it's terribly dramatic to see people without clothes sometimes and my DC have good understanding of boundaries and keeping themselves safe.
DH tends to wear clothing of some sort all the time unless in the shower and that's fine too.

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2019 08:13

North Balls flapping about isn't comparable to breasts. One is of a sexual nature, the other is simply not

Eh? In which country do you live that either breasts or balls are not sexual.

And to someone who doesn't want to see them, ie your kid when they reach a certain age, it's not about sexual, they just don't want to see them and they are absolutely comparable in that regard.

Northernsoullover · 28/11/2019 08:16

Youcan I'm sorry which one is sexual? The breasts or bollocks? Confused

prawnsword · 28/11/2019 08:21

I find it odd being almost naked & cuddling in bed with a 4 year old. If this was a naked dad cuddling his four year old in bed it would get more of a negative response.

Grew up in a fairly relaxed house & walk around in undies, so think am pretty middle of the range I think ?

It annoys me when people say breasts are not sexual & for feeding children only. If that were the case, women wouldn’t wear low cut tops, or get breast enhancements. They have more than one function, primarily to feed babies but also have a sexual element. Some people like Nipple play during intercourse.

CherryPavlova · 28/11/2019 08:23

Not an issue in our house. If people want to cover up they can. If not, that’s fine too. I don’t understand why bodies freak some people and think everyday nakedness is anything but sexual. It means bodies are accepted without every glimpse of a breast resulting in over excited sniggering or lewdness later on.

Cineraria · 28/11/2019 08:49

Wouldn't be a problem here. I have a 4 year old who can remember being breastfed and a currently breastfeeding 2 year old. DH and I both started having our lower halves covered in bed in case of marauding toddlers about a year ago but neither of us feel the need to cover our top halves to snuggle them.

Countryescape · 28/11/2019 08:55

Kids are 7 and 4 and we all cruise around naked.

youcanonlydraftthefuture · 28/11/2019 09:10

Customer the way you're comparing breasts to a 'minge' is vile

youcanonlydraftthefuture · 28/11/2019 09:13

Bluntness I didn't say balls weren't sexual. They are a sexual organ ffs. Breasts aren't though, that's just something we as a society are warped into thinking

A child that doesn't want to see them has every right to expect their parents to cover up. However, we are talking about a 4 year old

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 28/11/2019 09:24

God people are so weird. We holiday in southern france and its completely the norm for everyone to sunbathe topless, having your breasts bare is not considered an issue.

DS (almost 3) gets in bed with me every morning. He always removes his pjs to do so, and snuggles in while i feed his baby sister. From my nieces and nephews that desire for a little privacy doesnt kick until at least 8 and usually later - more with the beginnings of puberty at 10 or 11.

Babdoc · 28/11/2019 09:27

Very much up to each family and their own comfort zones. I used to sunbathe topless on beach holidays in the Med with my two daughters. When they were young teens they occasionally made token protests, but I always pointed out that every other woman on the whole beach was attired likewise.
Once grown up, the DDs said to me that they’d actually found it helpful on such holidays to see women and girls of all different shapes and sizes, unselfconsciously enjoying the sun, and the boys and men on the beach treating it as normal and being respectful.
Your child will tell you if it bothers them, OP. Until then, just go with whatever feels comfortable for you.

TwiddleMuff · 28/11/2019 09:27

Can’t believe someone on this thread is uptight about the use of the word “underwear”. 😂

I think the nakedness is totally fine, 4 is still practically a baby.

TheOrigFV45 · 28/11/2019 09:30

Naked family here!

It's mostly just me and DS (age 10) at home and he'll see me topless fairly frequently. If he comes for a cuddle in bed the duvet covers me up, so he might notice I've got no top on, but that's it. As soon as I get up I'll pop a top on.

He's isn't shy around me either, but it won't be long I shouldn't think.

I just do what's comfortable for us both.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 28/11/2019 09:52

I think it's fine so long as your DS is happy with it. IMO, though, you must respect his wish for privacy when he wants it.

We weren't a naked family by any stretch, but my mother would often walk into the bathroom when I was in the shower. Not so bad when we had a shower curtain, awful when she had the bathroom redone and got a clear shower screen. I was about 20 at the time. It might not have been so bad if she hadn't taken the opportunity to comment, negatively, on my body.

I hated it. She wouldn't put a lock on the door, so I'd end up moving cupboards around so she couldn't get the door open. The really annoying thing was that there was a sink in the room next door, but she preferred to come in and criticise me.

The first thing I asked when she looked at her current flat was whether there was a separate toilet and shower-room, with locks on the doors. I take great delight in being able to lock myself in when I'm there! Bizarrely, though, at home with DP I don't bother. But we respect each other enough not to wander in if the other is there.

Temporaryanonymity · 28/11/2019 10:02

My 10 year old DS usually sleeps in my bed. Neither of us wear much and as I am getting hot flushes etc I can’t stand to be wearing tops.

My elder DS is very private and I respect that. Both were breastfed until they self-weaned (see, there are quite a few of us) and the younger one was around 6 or 7 I think. My older one was 3.

I don’t make a conscious decision to be naked around the kids, but I did grow up in a family where my mother was usually wandering around with no clothes on upstairs. I expect that’s why.

Whyareyouallcallingmemum · 28/11/2019 10:05

I sleep with just a top on sometimes but my kids don't come in anymore for cuddles.. sometimes the 11yr old does but not much.

I dont walk around naked but I so strip off in my my room in front of whoever is there to get changed or I'm in the bathroom. Nobody is really bothered if they see my boobs or bum or fanny. Besides the 11yr old the other 4 are teenagers. If i go from bedroom to bathroom I yell 'close your eyes...naked lady coming through'

Honestly he's only 4...it doesn't matter .

Savingshoes · 28/11/2019 10:24

People are really odd about being naked. It's what's normal for your family that matters.
We often had aunts stay over and when getting changed etc we would read them stories or be playing in the room etc, was very normal for us as children but would ask questions like "what's that?" And "why does yours look different to mine?"
Cuddling up in bed only becomes a problem if you or the child feels uncomfortable but as a rough idea I would say year 5/6 children shouldn't be hugging the opposite sex naked.

Savingshoes · 28/11/2019 10:26

close your eyes...naked lady coming through' Grin
I remember staying at a friend's home and her mum was running late for work did this. We were young teens at the time and it made me laugh then too.

Instagrump · 30/11/2019 10:50

It's totally the kids are 13(F) 10(F) and 7(M)

I sleep totally naked and I've never felt the need to cover up around my kids and am more than happy to walk down the hall like that.
The bathroom isn't locked whenever anyone is bathing and no one thinks twice about going in to brush their teeth while someone is in the bath (although the downside is that the kids will sometimes come in for a shit. That's overstepping my open bathroom rules!).

You should do what's right for your family. We're all different. My DH never saw his mum or dad naked or in underwear. Ever. They're very uptight and sleep in separate rooms too. DH thinks it's kind of sad. Whereas I used to bathe with my folks. Neither one of us has turned out badly for it.

Do what's right for you. I will add through I think I'm happier not hiding my boobs from DS as a child (not teen probably) so hopefully breasts might be less sexualised by him when he's older. They're for feeding babies and children. Many other countries wean from 4-7 years as standard. Nothing weird about boobs there.

nevertellmetheodds · 30/11/2019 10:58

The child is 4!! Some people still breastfeed at 4. So how on earth is it not ok for her to be naked around him? Ludicrous!

We all sleep naked. I have two girls. Older than yours. It’s never ever been an issue. NEVER. I’ve said to my dh. There will be w time when they will become embarrassed. But as of yet. It hasn’t happened. I remember my dad becoming embarrassed when I was about 4-5. I was highly confused. We are all very body confident. All confident in who were are too. I however don’t think that’s got anything to do with walking around naked. That’s comfort for most people!

ForalltheSaints · 30/11/2019 11:27

Not sure about child joining you in bed, regardless of what you are wearing. No issue to me that you are without clothes when in bed or going to the bathroom.

Waveysnail · 30/11/2019 11:35

I'm hoping mine will be less sharing. I'd love a bath without someone having a pee Grin