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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not cover up...

103 replies

AnxiousPixie · 27/11/2019 16:46

First post so hope I'm doing this right...probably TMI at times! Sorry about that!

My DH and I have one DS now 4yo. I have always been body confident and don't want to raise kids that are ashamed of their bodies.

I don't wear PJs, I always wear underwear on my bottom half but rarely on the top. DS regularly gets into bed with us first thing in the morning.

DH is now saying he is too old to see my body and I should cover up. I knew at some point it might get odd but I didn't think that would be a early as four!

Thoughts?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 27/11/2019 17:28

What's wrong with saying underwear instead of knickers?

I've honestly never heard of this. Is it a 'thing'?

nocluewhattodoo · 27/11/2019 17:29

I sleep naked, and we have 3yo DD in bed every morning, and yes we cuddle up when she climbs in. I don't think it's odd at all, a year ago I was still breastfeeding, I don't think a bare boob touching her while we have a hug is going to traumatise her. She will come and stand by the bath and play with her toys if DP or I are having one, is that also some shocking taboo? 4 is still so young, I think they are more likely to be confused as to why mummy suddenly doesn't want cuddles anymore than traumatised from some cuddles with their mum when topless.

My parents were practically Victorian in their attitudes to nudity and going to the loo, and it left me with some odd hang ups which took effort to get past. I want DD to always be happy and comfortable in her body and not think they are in any way shameful like I did.

Afolnerd · 27/11/2019 17:29

My ds is 4 in December.
I sleep the same as you in just my knickers. He always comes in for a quick cuddle in the morning as does his 5 year old sister. Doesn’t bother me or dp at all, dp is just in boxers so what’s the difference?
No idea at what age I will stop. Older dd is 13 and wanders in all the time while I’m getting changed.
But I wouldn’t invite her or the 15 year old ds in for a cuddle though!

Damntheman · 27/11/2019 17:33

You're fine OP. I do the same and my oldest is 6. I will not change my habits until my kids decide they'd prefer me to.

Elvesdontdomagic · 27/11/2019 17:39

I doubt your 4yo thinks anything of it and probably still enjoys skin to skin contact. There will come a time it feels more instinctive to cover more, however I do think it's ok for your OH to express his view and it's worth a chat if he feels odd about it. Is it a biggie to chuck a top on first thing? I guess it depends how strongly you both feel.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 27/11/2019 17:42

I bf one of mine at 4 🤷‍♀️

Breasts aren’t sexual to children so why would it be a problem.

CravingCheese · 27/11/2019 17:43

I'm body confident but I still wear clothes around the house... Don't quite see the connection tbh.

Anyhow. There's imo nothing wrong with what you're doing. I am however wondering about your room temperatures (or the amount of blankets you need in winter)...

eddiemairswife · 27/11/2019 17:43

Because 'underwear' doesn't just mean knickers; it is a term for vest, bra, knickers, petticoat, slip,camisole, panties(the horror!), possibly tights and stockings, and anything else you wear beneath your (outer)clothes.

Shannith · 27/11/2019 17:46

Depends if I was writing a story for the Daily Mail or The Guardian.

So either you are clearly a child molester or a well adjusted parent, within reason, caveats etc.

Passthecherrycoke · 27/11/2019 17:48

I’m not sure seeing your parents naked affects your body confidence.

I think 4 is a little old. My D.C. started to get a bit more inappropriate at that age (pushing daddy in the willy, not wanting to cuddle me in bed in case they touched my nipples (BF another child!) and generally quite interested and alert with it all.

WorraLiberty · 27/11/2019 17:48

But the OP said....

I don't wear PJs, I always wear underwear on my bottom half but rarely on the top.

So it's fairly obvious she means knickers.

Doormat247 · 27/11/2019 17:49

My mum wasn't shy about being naked and I HATED it as a child. It made me feel uncomfortable and I'm sure contributed to why I have low body confidence. It made me want to cover up at all times.

theEnglishInPatient · 27/11/2019 17:51

Being body confident and not being shy of being seen naked out of the shower is one thing.

Sleeping without any clothes on, or just your knickers, when your 4 year old comes with you sounds a bit much. It's getting too old.

OP, lots of women are still breastfeeding at that age! at 4 years old? Really?! WHo are these LOTS of women?

PumpkinP · 27/11/2019 17:51

Huh I’m still bf my child so mine are out a lot at home! Didn’t know I was suppose to be covering up in front of my kids

PumpkinP · 27/11/2019 17:53

I’m not bf a 4 year old btw, she’s 2 but I don’t cover up to do it so the older ones still see them, didn’t realise this was a big deal!

CatFaceCats · 27/11/2019 17:55

I sleep naked and my children are 7 & 8. They might occasionally sneak into our bed, say once a month but do it so stealthily I don’t know until I wake up! I can’t bear wearing anything in bed and I’m not about to start on the off chance me of them may come in.
My 8 year old daughter still comes into my shower sometimes, I don’t mind. Clearly neither does she or she wouldn’t!
My partner however, is never naked in front of the kids, he doesn’t want to be and that’s fine.
Since I’m only naked in bed, shower or when getting dressed, I figure if they don’t want to see, then they need to stop coming in when I am naked!

youcanonlydraftthefuture · 27/11/2019 17:55

at 4 years old? Really?! WHo are these LOTS of women?

The thousands, perhaps millions actually, breastfeeding across the world? Since the natural age of weaning is 4-7.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 27/11/2019 17:56

Definitely a difference between being body confident and body boundaries. Honestly though I'd wait to see what your son thinks, if he doesn't care I don't think you should either.

greenlobster · 27/11/2019 17:56

I don't think there's a particular age you need to cover up around children, its just personal/family preference. 4yo is nuts though. If you took him swimming you'd have to take him into the female changing room with you still and he'd be seeing a whole variety of unclothed female bodies.

My parents slept naked, and wandered round the upstairs of the house naked. I had the misfortune to have the bedroom with the airing cupboard in so I frequently had one of them barging in to fetch forgotten clothes early in the morning. I used to go berserk at them when I was a teenager. I got told to 'stop being ridiculous'

Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 27/11/2019 17:57

at 4 years old? Really?! WHo are these LOTS of women

Hazel, I bet one is called Hazel

greenlobster · 27/11/2019 17:59

at 4 years old? Really?! WHo are these LOTS of women?

All over the place. Mine didn't decide to stop breastfeeding till she was 6.

Pinkblueberry · 27/11/2019 18:01

It couldn’t be more clear from the OP that what she meant was ‘knickers.’ No one was confused about this. Why on earth does this matter??

Passthecherrycoke · 27/11/2019 18:01

Breastfeeding isn’t the same as walking around Topless though is it? Let’s not start all the faux naivety

theEnglishInPatient · 27/11/2019 18:01

most 4 years old are at school here, mummy and her boobs doesn't tend to stick around.

iamNOTmagic · 27/11/2019 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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