Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cover up...

103 replies

AnxiousPixie · 27/11/2019 16:46

First post so hope I'm doing this right...probably TMI at times! Sorry about that!

My DH and I have one DS now 4yo. I have always been body confident and don't want to raise kids that are ashamed of their bodies.

I don't wear PJs, I always wear underwear on my bottom half but rarely on the top. DS regularly gets into bed with us first thing in the morning.

DH is now saying he is too old to see my body and I should cover up. I knew at some point it might get odd but I didn't think that would be a early as four!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 27/11/2019 18:05

It's between you and your DH. I don't often say this, but it's one of those occasions where the opinions of other people on the internet aren't relevant or helpful. Some families habitually go naked in front of one another, others don't.

ChaiNashta · 27/11/2019 18:06

I remember breastfeeding DS3 when a neighbour visited us. She questioned whether I bf in front of DS1 & DS2 (4 and 2 years old) and I said "of course, they've seen everything anyway Confused". She seemed a tad uncomfortable with the idea but until that point I hadn't given it a moment's thought. Surely they're still little at 4?! Anyway I can't be messing about with nursing covers in my own home. I wouldn't be walking around like that though especially not in November!

Irisloulou · 27/11/2019 18:12

Think he’s being odd.
I’m forever asking my 11 year old to cover up as it’s not acceptable to be naked...I’ve found myself saying this several times when I’ve been semi naked 😊

Not sure when I’ll stop wandering around naked but like a PP said, I’m sure it will just happen naturally .

ActualHornist · 27/11/2019 18:14

I’m quite often naked in front of my sons ages 10 and 8. They aren’t bothered but when they are I will cover up more. Probably not in my own room which is generally where I’m nude or top less.

So I would give my DH a Confused

Dentures101 · 27/11/2019 18:18

People are bonkers. Breasts are fine at 4 years old when it's their mother. Also under wear is fine.

happytoday73 · 27/11/2019 18:24

At 4 it really shouldn't be an issue... 10/11 then you need to cover up... Trying to get them too however can be a challenge!

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 27/11/2019 18:28

DS is six. If he came in to us in the early hours I'd pop one of DHs t-shirts on. If it's 10 minutes before we have to get up I'd not bother. He doesn't seem bothered, just wants to climb over me so he can be in the middle, have plenty of duvet and cuddle up to mummy and daddy!

I am thinking of buying a couple of night shirts though as he is getting older and is starting to want more privacy for himself.

mummyrocks1 · 27/11/2019 18:30

I still get undressed/dressed in front of my 7 yo. I want a naked body to be a natural thing and answer any questions he has. I want him to feel like we should be confident about our bodies and want him to be able to talk to me about any body issues when he's older. He went through a curious stage when he was younger and I answered his questions in an appropriate way.

ysmaem · 27/11/2019 18:38

My children are 8 and 7 now and the last couple of years we've started giving each other privacy when getting changed etc but we never lock doors, close yes but not locked when in the shower/bath/toilet so occasionally the kids will see me in the shower or getting changed and I've never made an issue about it, my kids don't get embarrassed either. It's a body,

bookishtartlet · 27/11/2019 18:40

I sleep naked as does my husband. Our 4 and a half year old also prefers to sleep topless. We just cosy in when he jumps in in the morning. He will ask questions about my body which I answer. He knows not to touch other people's boobs and that he should only be naked with mum/dad/granny. It's really not complicated.

Bluntness100 · 27/11/2019 18:47

I'm really not getting how not wearing a top teaches kids not to be ashamed of their bodies.

At this age it's fine but as he gets older, it's really not something he wants to see, no matter how many posters pop up and tell you their kids love it when they are naked. In my experience there is nothing more likely to teach a kid to be ashamed of their body than spending your child hood cringing like fuck at your mums boobs or your dads balls.

I think you're ok for now, but yes, I'd start covering up at some point as he gets older.

CravingCheese · 27/11/2019 18:55

I'm really not getting how not wearing a top teaches kids not to be ashamed of their bodies.

Neither do I. Not that there's anything wrong with it.
But it's simply a personal preference. Trying to sell the choice of wearing or not wearing one as beneficial to a 4 yo is rather ridiculous imo.

Bluntness100 · 27/11/2019 19:00

Teaching a kid about body confidence is about talking to them, about explaining about all shapes and sizes, about how the human body is beautiful irrelevant of how it looks.

What it's not is getting your tits out and flashing your kid at every available. As said, in my experience, it has the opposite effect. Kids grow up wanting to hide their bodies because they wished to god their parents had.

However at four I don't think it's relevant.

InnisandGunn · 27/11/2019 19:20

Gonna be the weird one here but my Mum literally walked around naked all through our childhood, and I would think absolutely nothing of jumping into their bed even now with mum totally naked and even giving her a hug. My brothers started to give her some stick when they got to about 16 but she's persisted. It's the norm for us, but with my DS who's 18 months it really doesn't bother me at the moment. But there will be an age where I become more private, for his sake more than mine. When that'll be who knows.

youcanonlydraftthefuture · 27/11/2019 19:47

Breastfeeding isn’t the same as walking around Topless though is it? Let’s not start all the faux naivety

Well it's relevant - How silly, a 4 year old can breastfed and physically get nutrition and comfort from a breast, but it is deemed odd to be walk around toppers in front of them?!

What on Earth Hmm

most 4 years old are at school here, mummy and her boobs doesn't tend to stick around.

School isn't really a barrier as far as I'm concerned. Lots or children drop to feeds in the evening and morning by this age anyway so School wouldn't get in the way

youcanonlydraftthefuture · 27/11/2019 19:49

Innis There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sadly, many many Brits are deluded and act very strangely towards a naked body, like it's a complete sex symbol with no other purpose and should be covered at all costs

Widowodiw · 27/11/2019 19:53

You take the lead from them- when they are grossed out by it you start to cover up. Although if they are still not grossed out by age 15 you need to rethink 😂😂

InnisandGunn · 27/11/2019 19:53

@youcanonlydraftthefuture agreed. It's a non issue for me. My Mum did used to cross boundaries in a bid to make us feel body confident but that's a different story. It's all about balance isn't it. You can always go too far the other way too. Figured everyone just does what's natural and best for them :)

anothernamereally · 27/11/2019 19:54

I always sleep naked and my 4 year old climbs in too - As they get older they stop climbing into bed, older still and they learn to knock so I can pull the covers up.

Justabadwife · 27/11/2019 19:56

Dd is 10 and she will still come and sit on the toilet and have a poo chat to me while I'm in the bath.

jackstini · 27/11/2019 20:07

Mine are 13 and 10 and will still come in for a wee when we are in the bath so see us naked

DS not bothered about being naked, older DD now changes privately - whatever suits them

Just a non issue! Confused

Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 27/11/2019 20:08

I used to sit on the bed and chat to my Nana whist she had a strip wash. She didn’t care and neither did I.
People are so odd about naked bodies.

Mjlp · 27/11/2019 20:35

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. I always sleep topless. I'm still breastfeeding my 2.5 year old and he co-sleeps and it's just easiest/most comfortable. I have 4 older children going up to 16 and try to remember to put something on if I nip to the loo etc but sometimes I just forget, don't have time if I wake up desperate for a wee, as I'm also pregnant. Sometimes they see. Sometimes they come into bed for cuddles too. I don't think they think anything of it. They've all grown up watching me breastfeed younger siblings. I don't hide everything every time. To them boobs are just for feeding babies.

Livpool · 27/11/2019 20:49

Me and DH usually sleep naked and DS 4 will sometimes jump into bed with us. When he is older will probably cover up, or he won't come in without any notice

Damntheman · 27/11/2019 21:37

My mum's the same Innis :) made things quite ok when she was very ill and needed me to wash her in the shower. Nudity really isn't a problem for me.