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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my toddler to work...?

136 replies

Allthebiscuits · 26/11/2019 23:20

DS developed a temperature at nursery. My DH left work to pick him up. Nursery policy means he has to be kept off for 48 hours. Fair enough. I thought it would be considerate to let work know asap that I would need to look after my DS on the second day as DH took the first day to look after him. However work claim this isn't an unforeseen illness and are insisting that I apply for dependency leave (which would be granted but possibly without pay). AIBU to take my toddler in to work...? He's not 100% but also not horribly ill.

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 27/11/2019 07:40

Not much help now but I’d find a new nursery or a childminder. 48hrs off for a temperature? My twins would hardly ever be at nursery if that were the rule at theirs.

This time of year especially is constant bugs. We have no family to help and if they can’t go to nursery there’s no one else to have them. People who aren’t in this situation have no idea how tough it is, and where they think you’re supposed to pull adhoc childcare for a sick child from is anyone’s guess.

But no, you probably can’t take him to work!

londonrach · 27/11/2019 07:42

Hes ill, he wants to be at home not at your work. If you ill where would you like to be.

AloeVeraLynn · 27/11/2019 07:43

Yeah absolutely, take your toddler to school. I can't see any issues with this. Confused

saraclara · 27/11/2019 07:47

He's not 100% but also not horribly ill

But ill enough to pass on whatever he has. This isn't like the teething thread. Your child is ill.

IdiotInDisguise · 27/11/2019 07:48

Of course you can’t unless you want other good few parents to take the financial hit for you?

Honestly, you cannot even do your work with a kid around. Though rule of parenthood... things do not always go your way, start saving for this kind of rainy days.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 27/11/2019 07:48

Er no and if I was a parent who thought a teacher had done that I'd be pissed.

The rest of us have to suck it up

(But I wouldn't argue with your employer what's "foreseen" about this as it's clearly not and they are being a bit unreasonable)

ZebrasAreHorsesInPyjamas · 27/11/2019 07:49

What caused the temperature if you say he's not 100% but not terribly ill?

If it's due to teething then the nursery are being unreasonable. Speak to them. If it's because he is coming down with a fever then what on earth makes you think that if he can't go to nursery in case he infects other children, then you should take him into a school?! Confused I can't see anyone being able to do any job with a toddler in tow that's "not 100%"! As others have said, if you can't afford to take the financial hit, why should others who may be infected by your child?

Butchyrestingface · 27/11/2019 07:50

I wish OP would come back. I want to hear her plan for how she plans to look after toddler whilst teaching...

Stressedout10 · 27/11/2019 07:53

Sorry but I would be f***g livid if you did that at my DC's school why should the parents of every child that your pre school child infects be forced to lose wages because you don't want to lose a days wages.
Talk about the hight of selfishness and ps you should know better

MurrayTheMonk · 27/11/2019 07:56

Teachers bring their little kids into the DD's secondary school sometimes when they are having a child care issue...head teacher is fine with it and it's an Outstanding school so... weirdly there has never yet been an outbreak of teens catching a toddlers 'highly contagious' temperature (that probably lasted 5 hours and was bought back down with Calpol as they very often are). Schools are full of germs anyway. A toddler with a temperature isn't likely to make any difference at all.
Just seems like common sense to me really-when did everything become so precious ALL the time? I guess DD's headteacher would rather have the teachers in and teaching something even if it's at risk of being disturbed slightly by a little kid-than nothing being taught by an expensive supply teacher.

I took my dd into work with me on Monday when she was off sick. She is a bit older so it's a bit different. But she just sat in my office whilst I worked and it was fine.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 27/11/2019 07:58

Why can't DH take another day?

MrsWombat · 27/11/2019 08:00

Teething toddlers and older kids on INSET days from their own schools. Not kids with D&V!

transformandriseup · 27/11/2019 08:10

My mum was a teacher and often brought us into her school as she has no other childcare. We just sat on the carpet with the other children. I'm not sure it would be allowed now but you could ask.

To be honest it doesn't seem a good idea to take children to another school when they aren't well.

allezallezallez · 27/11/2019 08:10

How can OP call in sick, school already know about the situation, it would obviously be a lie. Unless it’s a rapidly spreading virus Envy

(Also i think unpaid leave for dependents is standard)

As child of a teacher I was taken in to DMs school when school holidays didn’t overlap (in the 90s Grin), from reception on, so I understand the situation. Just not sure it works with a toddler who might not be able to sit quietly during lessons.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/11/2019 08:12

It is becoming increasingly common for private nurseries to have excessive sickness policies far exceeding the NHS guidelines for infection control. Eg refusing to take children with hand foot & mouth or conjunctivitis, having very long fixed period exclusions for chicken pox (rather than considering when spots have crusted over), and excluding for 48 hour periods after mild temperatures. Of course they will do this if they can get away with it - fewer children to look after is easier, and it will give them that little bit of wiggle room on ratios.

The only way to stop them doing this vote with your feet! Don't choose nurseries with such absurd policies. Childminders are far more sensible about this.

onioncrumble · 27/11/2019 08:12

If you work in a school you already get half the year off. There is a reason why schools expect non emergency absence to be avoided the other half.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/11/2019 08:12

DH needs to take a days leave or work from home depending on what he does. This is why I keep annual leave spare for this kind of crap- appreciate those who work is schools may not have “leave”.

SinkGirl · 27/11/2019 08:30

If you work in a school you already get half the year off.

You might want to check the maths on that...

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 27/11/2019 08:36

I really dislike this mentality of suggesting the OP calls in sick and takes the day off. Apart from the fact that this is lying, it would also mean other staff having to cover her duties.

Saltdoughmuncher · 27/11/2019 08:41

In my school we are not allowed our own children on site at all so I highly doubt the head would let you have a toddler with you all day!

IdiotInDisguise · 27/11/2019 08:48

I really dislike this mentality of suggesting the OP calls in sick and takes the day off. Apart from the fact that this is lying, it would also mean other staff having to cover her duties.

They will have to cover anyway, if she takes unpaid parental leave (as we all do when the circumstances force us into it)

havingtochangeusernameagain · 27/11/2019 08:50

This is the second thread on here about nurseries imposing "exclusions" for temperatures. As someone else said, it makes sense for D&V but why a temperature? Once it's gone down you are usually/often perfectly fine again.

And no OP you can't take your toddler to work unless it's just while you collect something to do at home. But if you work in a school I assume that's not possible.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/11/2019 08:52

Just take the unpaid leave for one day. You obviously can't take an ill child into a school.

Bufferingkisses · 27/11/2019 08:52

Dependents leave is supposed to give you time, in an emergency, to arrange alternative cover. Therefore you get 1 day paid to sort things out. It's not designed to allow you time off to look after the child yourself after that initial period. Sone employers are more flexible than others but schools are notoriously not flexible about term time, time off so this shouldn't be a shock to you.

You have recieved the emergency support, anything further is, rightly, unpaid and unwelcome.

Dontdisturbmenow · 27/11/2019 08:59

I was a single mum of two little ones working FT in a new job with a father who wasn't involved and no family to help. Taking them to work wasn't an option. Thankfully, I built a very good relationship with the staff at their nursery. They knew my situation and were very supportive.

The first time they called me to pick one up, I went to pick them up but like your DS, they were not that bad, running around and I felt very frustrated as really anxious at what my boss would say. A few days later, I asked to speak with the Manager and explained my position and asked if we could agree a way forward, and we did. I had expected her to be strict as that's how she'd come across but she was actually very sympathetic and we agreed that they would give them some calpol (with an official note that I signed saying I allowed them to) and they would call me only if the temperature didn't go down, or they were very miserable, crying etc...).

I will always be grateful for the nursery that allow me to continue to work FT and looked after my children so well. They are now older teenagers and doing fantastic. They have fond memories of that nursery (which also offered after school club) and their staff, one of whom they are still in touch with.

Speak with them, you might find they are prepared to be more flexible.