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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my toddler to work...?

136 replies

Allthebiscuits · 26/11/2019 23:20

DS developed a temperature at nursery. My DH left work to pick him up. Nursery policy means he has to be kept off for 48 hours. Fair enough. I thought it would be considerate to let work know asap that I would need to look after my DS on the second day as DH took the first day to look after him. However work claim this isn't an unforeseen illness and are insisting that I apply for dependency leave (which would be granted but possibly without pay). AIBU to take my toddler in to work...? He's not 100% but also not horribly ill.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 27/11/2019 06:23

Apologies, yes, I immediately thought of that rule. A rule for raised temperatures seems harsh - teething for example can do it. But still I don’t see how you can take a toddler to school.

MustardScreams · 27/11/2019 06:24

Unfortunately this is the reality of parenting. Can you start saving a small amount each week to cover you in case you need to take leave again?

You can’t take him into work, if he has got a big he’ll spread it everywhere and then other parents are losing out. Not ok.

KatherineJaneway · 27/11/2019 06:35

We can't take the hit financially at the moment.

You'll have to. Tough but that's life sometimes.

theduchessstill · 27/11/2019 06:41

I have loads of problems at my school atm but one thing that is great is they are very understanding about personal time. I've never known anyone be refused a paid day for an ill child and they also allow part days for nativities etc. Threads like this remind me there is something to be grateful for working there.

Companies/organisations who should be prepared to meet people halfway. I hate this attitude of 'You have children - suck it up.' I think it's good for morale/productivity if people feel valued and that their employer has an appreciation of responsibilities they face outside work - and that would apply to non-parents too. It's ridiculous to think people can just pull a day's childcare out of the bag at a day's notice - if family & friends aren't available/around what on earth are you supposed to do?!

OP - in your position I'd be ringing in sick like someone else said, and I'd remember that for the future too.

Hepsibar · 27/11/2019 06:42

Would they not consider a day's annual leave be used? It doesnt sound terrible family friendly and definitely is likely to penalise the main carer ie usually the mum but I am not sure of the actual legal position.

I guess they have prob had parents with poorly children take so much time off, disrupting work, and others with no children, having to cover the extra work. It is also becoming an issue at the other end of the age range with elderly parents in poor health, especially dementia related.

With our first child we did a combination of nursery and childminder and the childminder was often more flexible and on one occasion when the poor little thing got chicken pox, I took the first few days off and then I was v lucky in my parents having her.

Once my DH went to school, I went part time and was more able to move days and make up time, not that she was poorly that much but it took the worry of that away.

EleanorReally · 27/11/2019 06:43

it makes sense to ring in sick op

theduchessstill · 27/11/2019 06:43

Unfortunately this is the reality of parenting. Can you start saving a small amount each week to cover you in case you need to take leave again?

Why can't workplaces do this - budget for the needs of their workforce?Every place of work is dependent on its employees.

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/11/2019 06:47

Is had to take all time I was off with my son as annual leave. Can't you do that?

ShadowStar · 27/11/2019 06:51

Whatever your job in the school is, I can’t imagine you getting much - if any - work done with a toddler in tow.
A toddler isn’t going to sit quietly in a corner all day with a book / toy / iPad like an older child might.

Surely the most likely thing is, as soon as your head teacher sees your toddler you’ll both be sent home anyway? So unpaid dependants leave imposed anyway, with an annoyed boss added in?

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 27/11/2019 06:53

I used to go to work with my dad when I was ill as a child and no one batted an eyelid. This was in the early 80s though - they do things differently there.

Molly2010 · 27/11/2019 06:57

I came on to say my DD is in reception. Her teacher has a 1yo who often comes in with her, as my DD will say “x came to school today”.
I’ve always thought it must be because her childcare let her down but now I’m wondering if it’s because her child is actually ill.
Never bothered me until now.
You’ve let the cat out of the bag, so you’ll have to suck up the unpaid day but in future I’d call in sick.

Oysterbabe · 27/11/2019 07:05

It's tough shit I'm afraid. Taking unpaid leave while paying for nursery is a pain that working parents have to suffer.

MrsWombat · 27/11/2019 07:17

We have a pretty flexible HT and staff children are allowed in on inset days, school holidays, before and after school. Older children come and "help out" and younger children actually come and join the relevant year group in class. Never seen a baby/toddler though. It's worth asking?

ScreamingValenta · 27/11/2019 07:24

Sorry your son is ill, OP, but it wouldn't be very fair on your colleagues to have your child in the office potentially spreading whatever illness he's got. It's bad enough when actual colleagues come in when they're ill. If someone came in to my office and sat near me with an ill child, I would complain. It's probably not a great environment for him, either, if he's poorly - it's not very relaxing in the average workplace.

I hope he's better soon.

Whynotnowbaby · 27/11/2019 07:27

I’m so grateful I live and work in a country where there is a sensible flexibility towards families. Í am a teacher and whenever dc’s play school is closed (which does seem to be quite often!) it is quite normal for staff to bring their little ones in. My ds has a seat in my classroom for the occasions he comes in and loves it. The school kids are used to it and are pleased to see him but it doesn’t distract them from their work nor me from mine. When he’s a little older he will be able to tag along with the relevant age group class and I reciprocate if someone else has a child who will fit into my class. We wouldn’t have a sick child but school would be very happy to give paid leave for that and nursery’s policy re. 48 hours for temperature seems excessive.

AnyOldPrion · 27/11/2019 07:28

Do all the nurseries in your area have such ridiculous rules? Think I might be looking to find more sensible childcare.

Pinkpanther473 · 27/11/2019 07:28

I feel your pain OP.
Childminders not necessarily more flexible.
I’m a locum and we have no local family support and I only know other working mums.
Dd had one loose stool due to food allergies and cm refused to take her for 48 hours despite her having no temp, eating well and playing normally. Had to lose earnings one day then pay another person to care for her the second day

Snowman123 · 27/11/2019 07:30

Options:

  1. Take unpaid leave
  2. Persuade employer to allow you to take a days holiday
  3. Take him to work and risk spreading what he had there (there's a reason why its a 48 hour) and look like an absolute idiot.
  4. Find Childcare
SimonJT · 27/11/2019 07:30

@MrsWombat My sons school allow this, my sons reception teacher brought her daughter in on Monday, as a result many children (and some staff) including my own have caught her daughters D&V bug.

I have type one diabetes, if I catch D&V I will most likely end up in hospital, as a lone parent I will then have to ship my son off to a friend who is currently working in Manchester. We live in London.

Appletreehouse · 27/11/2019 07:32

In most jobs, then you would have to apply for unpaid leave or use annual leave as they're right it's not an emergency or unforeseen situation. I get it's rubbish, but that's life with a toddler when you're working. A few good companies will offer a couple of days paid carers leave.

Unfortunate you work in a school but you must have had plans or known the policy on taking leave to care for a sick child that it would be unpaid. I'm sorry if you're having a hard time financially though so clos to xmas

StrayWoman · 27/11/2019 07:34

No, of course you shouldn't OP.

RiftGibbon · 27/11/2019 07:34

48h for a temperature seems overly cautious to me.
For single parents, or couples where both parents work, it can be very difficult to arrange childcare at such short notice.
Not everyone has family living nearby, or family that can be called on. A friend of mine is a working single parent. She has just been bereaved (her mother, who has been widowed 10 years), and her only sibling has severe physical disabilities. Whilst she has childcare for after school, in an emergency, I don't know what she would do.

theEnglishInPatient · 27/11/2019 07:36

Companies/organisations who should be prepared to meet people halfway.

and the budget to cover would come from...?

SandraOhshair · 27/11/2019 07:37

You'll just have to take the hit this time, and dont ask for time off in advance again. Also, check the nursery rules about time off as the staff member may have got it wrong. Also it may be a one off as weve got Norovirus going round the schools here so anyone feeling poorly or high temp is being asked to stay away.

BeanBag7 · 27/11/2019 07:40

If OP works in a school it's possible that she doesn't have annual leave to use. Many school based jobs don't give a holiday entitlement because you have the normal school holidays off.
I assume OP is not a teacher, but TAs and other support staff are sometimes subject to the same rules and so can only take unpaid leave during term time.