To be a bit pissed off at colleague's comments about 'away day'

[OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg]

The team of which I'm a part is having an away day (well, an away afternoon) instead of a traditional Christmas night out. The activity that has been chosen by the organiser is go-karting at a local track. This is not a great activity for me - I have mobility issues and am currently undergoing tests to see if I would benefit from spinal fixation as I have Chiari I malformation caused by hypermobility / Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, so taking part in something with a risk of being bumped about or driven into when I already have an unstable spine and am looking at possible surgery would be a bit irresponsible. Not to worry, I willingly volunteered to stay at work as normal and be the person on hand to deal with any urgent issues that crop up, rather than a member of another team having to do that on top of their day job. My manager is fine with that arrangement.

Since it became known that I'm not taking part in the away day activity, the woman who organised it has been a bit 'off' with me, but nothing I could really put my finger on. It's now got back to me from a reliable source that she has been making comments, both to other colleagues across the department and apparently on FB (I'm not FB friends with her but some of the team are) about 'people who aren't team players' in the context of the away day - apparently she had a plan for a team competition and the fact that I'm not going has thrown the numbers out - and 'fun sponges who think they're too good to join in'.

I haven't made a big thing of my tests and possible surgery, only my boss and one other person in the team who I'm reasonably close to know about it, although I do have some specialist kit at work as a reasonable adjustment so it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to work out I have a bad back or similar. I don't really want to have to share the details of my private medical issues to justify why I'm not going - when one or two others have asked I've just smiled and made a joke along the lines of "oh you'll all be much safer without me there, you've never seen me drive have you ha ha, I hope you all have a fab time". I don't even know why this woman's comments have bothered me so much, I'm usually quite good at brushing off stuff like this on the rare times it arises, so I don't know why this has got under my skin, but it has. AIBU to be annoyed that she's bitching about me behind my back about something so petty?

cheeseypuff that is exactly what the op has done on previous page! Quoted below:

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg Tue 26-Nov-19 11:07:21
Quick update - I caught my manager first thing this morning and said I wanted to give him the heads up that I was going to try and have a quiet word with Bossy Bessie* because I understand she's not happy about the away day arrangements but that it depended on being able to catch her alone (we work in a large open plan office). He asked a couple of questions and then said "leave it with me, I'll speak to her today" in a way that made it clear he is Not Happy at BB's behaviour, so I feel a bit happier at having raised it and my boss taking it seriously - thank you all for the sense check that I wasn't being oversensitive in being narked.

*Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent grin

Great update OP! Well done for saying that. Your boss sounds great. Out of sheer nosiness, please update us what happened. x

Did you mention that she's put it on facebook too?

I did Thereby, and that was pretty much the point at which my boss's "not very impressed" face became a "really really not impressed" face so I suspect BB will have had a reminder about appropriate social media usage as well. She's keeping her head down with an expression like a bulldog chewing a wasp so I think he's had his word with her already.

I do have a good, supportive, fair manager - he wasn't involved in the arrangement of the away activity, the company isn't paying for it other than giving us the time during working hours so it was just down to whoever was prepared to arrange something coming up with an idea. I also forgot to say in my OP that my boss has said I will be able to take an equivalent afternoon as time off in lieu at some point in the early part of the new year to make sure I don't lose out, as recognition that I'm covering in the office when they go off for the away day.

He asked a couple of questions and then said "leave it with me, I'll speak to her today" in a way that made it clear he is Not Happy at BB's behaviour, so I feel a bit happier at having raised it and my boss taking it seriously

Great tat your manager has your back (argh pun ...)

Go karting is a shit activity for a work away day. I don’t have any back issue and I would still sit it out. Those things really jolt you when you collide with someone.

I just wonder how cocky the organiser is going to be if someone gets injured. With all the concerns nowadays about health and safety, I’m surprised management was happy to support this.

She's keeping her head down with an expression like a bulldog chewing a wasp so I think he's had his word with her already

Ha ha excellent update OP, & congrats for believing in your own right to take action about the bitching & facebook incontinence.

She's keeping her head down with an expression like a bulldog chewing a wasp

This is a truly amazing description, well done OP!

I’m glad he seems to have spoken to her though it’s a shame she apparently isn’t mature enough to apologise for being such a presumptuous bully. I’m disabled myself (though my colleagues all know as we’re a very close team) and I’d be gutted if our inclusive Christmas lunch was changed to something I couldn’t physically do just because one woman wants to look cool.

I also forgot to say in my OP that my boss has said I will be able to take an equivalent afternoon as time off in lieu at some point in the early part of the new year to make sure I don't lose out, as recognition that I'm covering in the office when they go off for the away day.

Brilliant... make sure you take it

A lot of people start asking questions if you say that you have a back problem though

I must be very boring or excellent at deflecting. Either way the standard deflect answer is "I don't really understand my bad back. What about you? Have you had a bad back?" 90% of people only want to find a way to talk about themselves at every opportunity.

The suggested activity reminds me of the 'treats' the winning team on the Apprentice win. I've often thought if I was on the programme, I would rather go back to the house and read than do some of the things they do.

I quite like your boss! Wonder what BB will have to say when you do take that day off in the new year....Sonething about favouritism, perhaps? Or my personal favourite, special favors for disabled people. (I have EDS too, and it sucks balls.)

shocked at this the company isn't paying for it other than giving us the time during working hours

I don't have a bad back or other disability so if I was a colleague I would be one of those expected to go. I would be mightily pissed off with this scenario if I was being railroaded into forking out my own money for an away day like this.

I have done loads of away days over the years and never had to pay a penny.

but I guess that's a question for another thread. meanwhile I am glad your boss has told BB what's what.

Our department are off to shoot virtual fucking ZOMBIES! The Vice President is over from the states for the event and is SO much looking forward to spending some time with us all. I would rather chew my own arm off ..

I would rather chew my own arm off

Livening up the night by moving from virtual zombies to actual ones, maybe 😁