In debt trouble, too scared to tell partner

[scaredyscared1114]

I've always been bad with money, got in lots of debt around 5 years ago (before I met DP) and ended up with 3 ccjs, debt collectors the lot. DP knows about this and has always warned me not to get in trouble like that again. Since then I have been sensible - living within my means etc.

About a year ago my bank offered me an overdraft - which I took. Then I got 3 credit cards and started spiralling again. I told DP about one of the credit cards and the OD only. I took out a large loan to pay off all the credit cards and have been doing ok with the repayments since then. With Christmas coming up my spending has got out of control again and I have maxed out one of the paid off credit cards. My loan repayment is looming and I just don't have the money.

To make matters worse, our car broke down today and is going to cost a lot of money to get it back on the road.

I've just called my loan company and explained the financial difficulty I've gotten into - they've agreed a debt management plan, but it means shutting all my bank accounts and starting again.

Do I tell DP? I'm so scared and disappointed with myself.

Of course you must tell. Simple as that

Is your DP not noticing all the stuff that you are buying?

I'm so sorry. I know the fear you're feeling. I think you should tell your partner's as long as it is safe to do so. Maybe also get in touch with Citizen's Advice for help.

@Yarboosucks Its more life stuff, petrol, things for DS. Plus I haven't bought anything for ages - just shifted the debt around.

Yes. You need to tell him. Presumably you have separate accounts which is why he hasn’t noticed?

And what amounts are you owing? Hundreds or thousands?

Yeah you do need to tell him if it's going to affect your lives together

I am going to be tough here...

Is it really petrol and life stuff or is it as you originally said, out of control Christmas spending - unless you buy petrol as presents.

What is the debt amount? What is the limit on the mexed out card?

Why are to getting into debt for life stuff? Is there not enough money in the household pot? Do you and bloke work?

And yes you need to tell him.

We have separate accounts. its 4k.

@Yarboosucks It started off as silly spending, I will admit - I've not had credit for years and rarely buy anything so yeah I did go a bit mad.

We are pretty poor, so then repayments were coming out of an already low pot. and yes, Christmas has been a stretch.

I think you know your going to have to tell him.

You may have separate accounts but I assume that you share an address, so he is affected and hence you need to own up.

I do not understand why your debt management plan would require you to close your bank accounts. Who did you take the loan out with? Was it your bank?

You haven't addressed the underlying money management problem before then. If it's not going on luxurious discretionary buys, and you're getting into debt to pay for basic living costs, you will never be out of debt. It's a waste of time getting out of debt if you don't pinpoint a way to STAY debt free. Tell your partner now op but recognise that what you really need help with is a sustainable way of managing your money.

You don't say what the problem might be, but it could be that you simply aren't earning enough; you may need to work more/get a better job; or maybe your finances aren't fair (some women seem to think childcare is their bill alone); you could have problems budgeting; or have high outgoings that could be reduced e.g.get rid of TV and license, or something; we just don't know. You need proper debt help which involves understanding your position, not just getting you back in the black.

Yes it was my own bank. I also have the OD with them (£250) so they shut everything down and start you a new basic account with a new reference number etc. which you can then make your payments out of.

As a start can you return any of the stuff you have bought and get a refund?

£4k was a silly amount to get into such trouble for.

It’s too late now but did you not keep balance transferring it?

I have £4k of debt too but I wouldn’t be losing any sleep over it.

So is the loan £4k? Or the credit card debt? Or is that the total of both?

@Wildorchidz not really, some is christmas presents but it wouldn't touch the debt.

@bigdecisonsahead I did that a bit, but then my credit rating went down and I couldn't any more.

So, if we take in for account the OD, the loan and the credit cards are you saying the total debt is £4k, £4.25K or more. This is important because when you tell your DP, you need to open, transparent and give the whole picture.

Who are the credit cards with? Your bank or stores?

4k Loan debt
£250 OD
then I have £900 total on credit cards.

I wouldn't be losing any sleep over it

I've been in the position of having to put a tin of smart price beans back at a supermarket and face the embarrassment, walking around with holes in my shoes in a wet November, as poor as you can be without being homeless... And I've never understood this attitude. I'm now in a much more affluent position, but wouldn't dream of patting the op on the back because none of us know if this will break her or is chump change!

The op should be losing sleep over it if it's the former,. And pretending it's not a big problem doesn't help her.

So it is £5150 of debt not £4k. This is important because you cannot compartmentalize debt as you seem to be doing.

You say you are poor, so to build up over £5K of debt in a year is going some.

If is this larger amount that you need to tell your DP about.

Have you told your bank about the credit cards as well - is it possible to roll that in too.

It will be better to show your DP that you have taken SENSIBLE steps to rectify the situation. I guess he will be mighty pissed off, but less so if you are trying to sort it out.