To be fed up with Christmas wife work?

[WhenYouCantRunYouCrawl]

DH is an intelligent man who spends only slightly less time with the children than me... And yet every Christmas it's the same. My family and his family all come to me for ideas on what to buy the children.

Already I've supplied his sister with a long list of ideas plus photos of the kids for a calendar that she's making for MIL. DH has access to all my pictures and also takes his own pictures, and yet she automatically came to me for them.

Just had a message from MIL asking for ideas. Apparently she will "get more sense" out of me. Which is frankly insulting to DH because he's a company director with a Phd for crying out loud, he would make perfect sense if she simply bothered to message him first.

And not a single person in my family would ever think to ask DH for ideas. They all come to me. So I have to do the thinking for everyone and it's driving me batty.

Tempted to respond to all of these requests with something along the lines of "well if you bothered to make an effort during the rest of the year to actually get to know the kids then maybe you'd be able to think of something yourself."

But I won't. I'll just carry on inwardly tutting instead and ranting on Mumsnet.

Unpopular opinion no doubt but from what I see on FB groups for kids brands and shops (Babipur, Scandi clothes groups etc.), most shopping for toys, clothes etc. IS done by women/mothers and therefore it would be a fair assumption you'll have a better idea of what your kids like and need than your DH does...

For presents we keep a running thread on what'sapp throughout the year and just add things on when something pops into our heads or the kids see something they get excited about in a shop etc. We then sit down and divvy out ideas from the lists to our respective families. Maybe worth a try so there is always something ready to go with if anyone asks either of you

Presumably your husband knows what his kids want for Christmas, so they are asking you because???

Company director with a PHD will never trump having a vagina.

That goes without saying

I nipped it in the bud very early on by telling MIL that I did the xmas presents on a shared basis with DH and that she could ask him what the DCs wanted just as much as she could ask me. Maybe that's why I got soap on a rope for the first Xmas I was married.

I really love the post Company director with a PhD will never trump having a vagina
So true in so many ways!

Yanbu.

Ha, my SIL in fairness asked my DH what the kids would like for Christmas and HE JUST ASKED ME.

I should LTB

My own mother does this to me and not only does she want to know what they want, she will invariably ask me to buy it too. She is RETIRED. And I can't say any old thing because it MUST BE SPECIAL. If they don't seem to like it enough she's disappointed!!! I mean what do you say to this kind of thing?

I've been making lists since September of all the random stuff I come across so I have something to tell people when they inevitably ask. I do now also divy them up between askers since the year DS got 2 lava lamps...

Because typically mothers know more about what their kids want. Not saying that fathers don’t but it just seems like that’s the norm for most. My dad has never bought me a Christmas present and wouldn’t know what I’d like anyway. Surely it’s a good thing that their asking what they want for Christmas rather than useless tat.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

This:
Company director with a PHD will never trump having a vagina.

I have literally been laughing myself silly since I read it. So bloody true. ha ha ha ha NOTHING trumps having a vag ha haha ha ha

Butterflycookie but as I said upthread, everyone in our life asks me what DH wants, what the children want and what I want. Why do I answer for everyone, including myself? It means that on Christmas Day everyone else gets a surprise, and I know what is in every single bloody gift.

If they’re asking me what DH wants, why can’t they ask DH what I want?

Being asked what the kids want is a pain, because our kids never know what they want, so it's a stress!
PPs are being slightly unreasonable suggesting in laws should ask your DH what he wants - there's no element of surprise! I ask DF what DM wants and ask DM what DF wants and that goes for every couple I know.
DH's familiy generally ask him what the kids want, although if I answer the phone they may ask me.
Also, more mothers relish these xmas jobs than men do in my experience. I have known a few men who say they "wouldn't dream of interfering" with their wives xmas plans.

This gives me the rage.

Mil tried the ‘will you get the gifts and I’ll give you the money’ I told her cash or vouchers would be fine as gifts.

I think you should do the same OP
Kids get so much anyway so it’s not a bad gift.

PPs are being slightly unreasonable suggesting in laws should ask your DH what he wants - there's no element of surprise!

That’s exactly my point... my mum, dad, PIL’s, SIL, every single person who buys presents for us ask me what DH wants, what the DC want and what I want. So I know what is in every bloody parcel under the tree and everyone else gets a surprise! No one asks DH what I want, but they ask me what he wants.

Why do I answer for everyone, including myself? It means that on Christmas Day everyone else gets a surprise, and I know what is in every single bloody gift.

This is true, and a little bit sad actually.

People don't tend to ask about DH or I tbh, it's only really DD in case she has or is getting it.

Company director with a PHD will never trump having a vagina I am so stealing that, @TheLightSideOfTheMoon!

The other day DP said, "If my mum asks what I want for Christmas..."

Tell her yourself, Donut Man.

Actually, I think that's fair enough. It's nice to keep an element of surprise by asking someone's partner for ideas.

MrOnionsBumperRoller sad ?
Don’t be silly.. it’s not sad ! We also see family often but they like to check if there’s something she already has so they don’t buy doubles not because they don’t know my child ...

I just don’t respond and don’t engage. Only way people learn

My dad has never bought me a Christmas present and wouldn’t know what I’d like anyway.

Now that IS sad

I wish my family members would ask me. Instead DC inevitably get given stuff that is too young/too old/too big/too small or things they already have, and DH and I end up with endless boxes of shortbread which we both loathe and goes straight to the food bank.

I do understand OP and it’s annoying but I would just note down things that come to mind throughout the year then email it to everyone in November. 2 minutes work and at least you don’t get a bunch of useless crap.

*My dad has never bought me a Christmas present and wouldn’t know what I’d like anyway.

Now that IS sad*

Why? My dad was the same, buying stuff isn't how he expressed his love for us all. We didn't need a present each year to validate that.

Why? My dad was the same, buying stuff isn't how he expressed his love for us all. We didn't need a present each year to validate that.

It's not the buying stuff, you have missed my point. It's the not even knowing what your own child would like that strikes me as sad.....

It’s not making the effort that’s sad. I don’t naturally know what they want. I have to work it out.

And it’s not 2m work to figure out 10+ gifts from fans I’ll AND Santa AND a surprise. I spent about an hour sorting through what everyone was getting for the kids and dh this afternoon.

I don’t want to offend my family but it is exhausting,

YABU. Let's face it most blokes are useless at this sort of thing. You should be flattered that they trust your judgment. One day there'll be nobody asking your advice because they're no longer here or they dont care. It's a blessing to be well thought of and you should embrace it in the holiday spirit.

Let's face it most blokes are useless at this sort of thing

Oh come on. Do you genuinely believe that there is something in a man’s genetic make up that makes them bad at gift buying? Absolute rubbish. The presence of a penis does not make someone unable to think of something that someone may like as a gift.
Men are ‘useless’ at it because no one expects them to do it. From children they will have been brought up thinking it’s a ‘woman’s job’, so they’ll never have bothered.
When my parents split, my brother and I lived with my dad. He was fab at buying presents (still is). He didn’t have anyone to do it for him.