I’m hoping to get a bit of advice here. I have DS who is now approaching 20 months. In these 20 months MIL has not done much to bond with our son. She will casually drop in after a month or two and state how much “she misses her grandson and wants him alone” then disappear again. My parents have been incredibly helpful since DS was born. At one point my DH was working nights and we barely saw him. My family really did there best to support us and make sure I wasn’t cooped up alone with a baby. I’ve had quite poor health over the last year. I unfortunately have reoccurring tonsillitis. And I don’t mean once every few months. This is 2x a month. I am basically at the doctors or referred to the hospital for treatment every month. Ridiculous fever, pain, unable to even swallow my own saliva. It’s exhausting dealing with it and looking after a now toddler but I get on as best as I can with my support system. Occasionally if I have an infection and DH is not around that particular week I’ll stay with my mum and sis for a few days for some extra support. I’m incredibly thankful for this.
I have tried my best to be respectful to my in laws and facilitate a relationship with DS and MIL. She works full time and is quite busy and I try to be mindful of that. I regularly text her “if you have any free time this week and would like to see GS. Let me know what works for you and I’ll bring him
To you or feel free to come Over”. Sometimes this is replies with a simple “ok” and no further contact is made. Sometimes she comes Over. As there’s no regular contact DS sees MIL as a stranger. He obviously is closer to my family as they tend to drop in more often or invite us around. This has always caused a bit of jealousy and bitchy comments from in laws and husband.
Things came to a head last weekend and as a result me and DH are no longer talking. MIL came around last week and stated “I want some alone time with DS this Friday. So I’ll take him”. My DH who is desperate for DS to become closer to his family, immediately said yes without even a conversation with me. DS is going through a horrible separation anxiety phase. I could occasionally leave him for a bit with DH and my sister. Now he’s screaming the whole time
And with my last attempt I was told to immediately come back! I can see this is perfectly normal
At this stage so I’m trying my best to ride it out and if i have to leave him. I would rather Leave DS in environments and with people who he is familiar with. My mum has babysat a couple of time’s and its always been at our home. She finds he tends to deal with separation a bit easier there plus it’s childproofed.
I spoke to my DH about MILs request. We have no plans to go out on Friday and currently very broke so can’t afford to. So this is all for the benefit of MIL. I said to my DH I’m quite concerned leaving DS with MIL. She shows no interest in his routines and is absolutely clueless when it comes to him. Surely it would make more sense for her to see him more often first, become more familiar with each other? And I am also confused by this whole “I can only bond if I get alone time with your son and nothing else will do??”. Maybe it’s cultural differences but where I am from no one gets to demand alone time with anyone’s kids. If parents ask that’s a separate matter. My own parents who adore DS would never and respect that. I was willing to put aside my instincts and go along with it if MIL could have DS in our home as is normal tradition. My DH simply grunted and said “yeah I’m sure it will be fine”.
Friday comes and he texts me saying that we can drop DS over to his mums. Obviously I’m a bit confused as this wasn’t the plan. We go back and forth and in the end the night is cancelled. My DH starts swearing at me and says “I see you for what you are now” wtf?!
It’s been three days and he has refused to talk to
me. I believe the last thing he said to me was “fuck off”. I have spoke to his mum, apologised for the miscommunication and explained
My feelings as gently as I could. I offered for us all to spend time together (me, MIL & DS) the next day. MIL said she was busy. I said that’s completely fine would any other day work? So we agreed on Sunday. I brought DS over, MIL barely spoke to me and made some passive aggressive comments. I didn’t reply, I just kept in mind I’m doing this for my DS. At one point during the visit DS wondered over to touch a small plastic ornament she had on display. He literally brushed his hands on it and she screamed at him. DS of course was crying and scared. He’s a toddler FFs, I mean I am all for setting clear boundaries but that seemed OTT. I feel like I’m being pointed out to be some kind of evil woman by DH and MIL. Honestly at a loss as to what to do.