To think it is important to be legally married

[SweetSally]

I wonder why so many couples are against marriage? Many would say it's a piece of paper...when it's not. Why can't people see the benefits of marriage?

Many would say it's waste of money - is it really? One thing is getting married and another thing is splashing cash on a grand wedding...

I welcome your views (and please let's be nice to each other and accept everyone's opinion)

Please vote - is it important to be legally married?

All the smug marrieds will have a klaxon go off,and rush to post to support marriage
A salutary scary story of the unmarried woman who thought it was just a piece of paper
I’ll say is be well informed,be familiar with facts,read up on the pro/con of marriage
There’s no such thing as as common law wife and cohabitation confers v few rights
But not all women are waiting to be asked,secretly wishing they were married

Untamedtoad do you expect him to live forever, always be well, never suffer from mental health problems which affect his judgement/capacity to make decisions?

@Teachermaths

Untrue. Who deems who has the rights? My partners mother died 6 months after giving birth to him. She wasnt married to his father. His farther always had full parental rights ever since. So im not quite sure how or who else would take parental rights of our child other than my partner? There would have to be massive reasonable grounds to argue otherwise in court. Pointless getting into the unlikely/rare logistics of things...could be never ending possibilities like there are with everything in life.

Again, always ways around it without marriage. Not a be all and end all. A marriage document may support in SOME ways, not all. My partner has spoken about potential marriage with me some day. Lighthearted chat. Im the one whos not arsed. When i said for me its never been a huge thing ive wanted, he could then see my points. Might happen one day, might not. Again, circumstancial and not important to everyone.

@Untamedtoad you’re bang on! Everyones more or less saying its for financial reasons but that shouldnt be the sole purpose surely?? Cant get my head around it.

In MH legislation nearest relative eg the adult who’ll be consulted about treatment, detention, care planning etc includes wife/husband or cohabitating partner (6mth or more). Cohabitating partner was a recent addition to reflect social change

Next of kin is a non legal term and can be any adult with capacity
You can write to GP and nominate your partner, ask GP to make note in records that Your NOK is partner.

but financial reasons are part of love care trust reasons, esp if there are minor children and you and or partner own a property.
anyone can die at any time. why give the govt 40% IHT. this could lead to having to sell the home, great disruption at a time of intense emotional distress. why add to the possible suffering. hence what you might call financial reasons become part of loving care.

Good financial management & planning is sensible in a relationship
People should talk about death,what’s ifs and what provisions they will make
IHT is a huge financial hit, one people should be aware of and if they’re potentially affected

Who deems who has the rights? My partners mother died 6 months after giving birth to him. She wasnt married to his father. His farther always had full parental rights ever since

The government. In that case I'm guessing your partners mother registered him and named the father. If you die, you cannot register the birth and nor can your partner.

Why risk the ifs and buts if you don't need to. Get the piece of paper that legally links you as a couple.

For those mentioning widows pension, that was replaced in 2017 wasn’t it with bereavement allowance? Might want to check that if that’s your reason for getting married.

Or don’t get the bit of paper, it’s not compulsory to be married
Avail yourself of the pro/con make an informed decision. Do what you wish
And it’s okay to be unmarried. Marriage isn’t the zenith of a relationship

@gnome of course not. Which is why we have in depth comprehensive life/illness cover. Marriage wouldn't stop my partner getting ill... it's not the elixir of life 😅. Why do you think being married offers you protection in the event of your partner becoming ill? A 50/50 joint mortgage, decent life/illness insurance, savings, and up to date wills are what's going to help you out in the event of death/illness, not a marriage certificate. After seeing my stepdad become an alcoholic, piss 80k up the wall, leaving my mum in a dire financial situation, with all his debts to repay before kicking the bucket, it's kind of put me off marriage. If they werent married, my mum would have been in a much more favourable situation, as his debts would not have become "hers" when he died, and she could have had him legally removed from the house when he stopped contributing towards the mortgage, rather than having to put up with years of misery from him killing himself with booze. If people want to marry as that's important to them as a couple, and they want to show their love etc, that's great, but marrying to insure you are financially protected from you partners potential infidelities, abusive personality, likelihood to do a runner, completely defeats the object of marriage to me, and seems to be the only real reason people give to getting married. I could not be more sure of my relationship, and how dedicated we both are to one another and our children. A piece of paper and a change of surname would make absolutely no difference to our lives. We are more financially secure and aware than most married couples as we've actively sought out to protect ourselves and our family in the event of ill health, job losses etc, we're not under some illusion that alot of married couples have of "we're married so everything will be fine when the shit hits the fan" (it won't be btw) marriage doesn't mean you're getting anything better than a nom married couple if your partner dies/becomes ill. It's up to you to protect your family with insurance cover, and comprehensive wills.

@Untamedtoad Of course you don't go into marriage thinking that. However there are daily threads on here from unmarried and cohabiting women who are surprised to find out they aren't entitled to anything when they split from their lying cheating partners. Surely being protected by marriage is better than being shafted.

A piece of paper and a change of surname would make absolutely no difference to our lives.

You don't have to change your name

I never thought I'd be bothered about marriage and until I wanted a family I wasn't. Had I decided I didn't want to think about children I'd of happily never married, it's just the fact of sharing the same surname as my children and the security marriage gives me. Also realistically know my marriage has the same chances of working/failing as if we hadn't got married!

Also, just to add, do not judge etc anyone who decides marriage isn't for them, everyone's relationship is personal to them.

Not in a million years would I get married unless he earns more than me

Maybe all the people rushing into marriages to secure themselves financially (incase their partners turn out to be arseholes), should spend less time wedding planning, and more time looking for better partners who are less likely to become arseholes and run off 🤷😬😅

For us
Its just a piece of paper
We both have no desire to be the center of attention
Defacto in Aus is as good as married
Also for me i dont like the traditional meaning of marriage, male ownership transfer from father to husband, a daughter being used as fodder to join wealth or business.
Its also still deeply rooted in religion, something we completely against.

@teachermaths, of course you don't, but vast huge majority of women DO change their surname. I was just repeating what alot of people have given as a reason for wanting to get married... "to have the same surname". Obviously I know you don't have to, I'm just saying how that wouldn't make any difference, why would it?

It was important to me that I'm married, but it's important to me also that people have a choice nowadays to be married or not.

I don’t want to get married , so as to protect my children’s inheritance .

I own my home and they will be entitled to it.

If I were married and then died it would go to my OH who could then marry again die and my children would get nothing .

If I die now it all goes to them and protecting their future .

I wonder how many women would get married if their partner earnt less than them

I'm 13 weeks pg and not married. At 39 we prioritised baby (time dependant) over getting married which we can do any time.

I'm the higher earner and have savings, my fiancé has no savings etc. I have two children from first marriage, this baby will be my fiancé's first bio child.

Surely it's sometimes the case that the female in the relationship is the more financially better off?

It has annoyed me slightly that when we told some people of the pregnancy they've asked: "So are you going to get married now?" Seems a very old fashioned viewpoint in this day and age!

People who make an active choice not to get married and put appropriate protections in place - YANBU

People that think common law rights exist in the UK - YABU

PS. Definitely keeping my surname when I marry! Baby will be double-barrel of both of our surnames.

I think some people don't seem to understand how IHT works.
if your property value is above the IHT threshold, no will can save the children from having to pay the 40%. it becomes due very early, and there are penalties for late payment, so often necessitating sale of the home to liquidate assets to be able to pay the IHT.
only a surviving spouse is not subject to IHT.
anyway, as you all say, take professional advice.
as to names, anyone can call themselves anything they like, if it's not for fraud; no need for legalities, deed poll, or marriage cert.