To think it is important to be legally married

[SweetSally]

I wonder why so many couples are against marriage? Many would say it's a piece of paper...when it's not. Why can't people see the benefits of marriage?

Many would say it's waste of money - is it really? One thing is getting married and another thing is splashing cash on a grand wedding...

I welcome your views (and please let's be nice to each other and accept everyone's opinion)

Please vote - is it important to be legally married?

It’s a good idea if you are the primary carer after children. And for tax reasons.

Do you need the legally bit, marriage is legally binding, so one word is fine. Very small point I know!

Marriage is a legal contract, I think a lot of people are blind to the fact that the wedding reception is optional.

I believe it’s very important, but most people won’t find out how important until either the relationship breaks down or one of them dies and then they’ll be whinging about how unfair it is that they aren’t treated as being married when they’re not married.

I personally dont think marriage is important in the slightest. For me, its never been a desire of mine. Each to their own.

I come from a pretty laid back up bringing where the notion was ‘if you’re happy with what you have, you have more than you think’. My mother was married, unfortunately to a god awful man. She devorced him within 6 years, with two kids to him who he didnt fight for custody. My dad came along, a few years later i did. My mother swore she wouldnt marry again, which suited my dad fine. 30 years later they couldnt be happier.

Dont need to fix whats broken. Legally it still doesnt matter. I dont know the financial benefits myself, but i do think you’re no better with marriage than you are without.

Ive been with my boyfriend over 4 years. We’re now pregnant with our first child. His family are pressuring us to get married and for me, its just really not on my todo list. Its pressure. Its something not needed right now. I may change my mind later but I honestly cannot see the importance, personally. Again, absolutely nothing against anyone who does really value the importance of marriage though! Pro choice i say :) x

@Untamedtoad you took the words out my mouth. So true! I agree massively with your post!

I'm married but had never really wanted to. If we'd not had children then I wouldn't really have seen the point. It was important to DH however, so I wanted to for his sake, and once we started TTC I felt it was an absolute essential. Having taken ML, and going part-time after, my salary progression has completely stalled whilst his has rocketed. I also still have health impacts from pregnancy complications, years later, which again have affected my earning power. All earned money is family money, but I know that married I have a lot of protection should anything happen.

@Untamedtoad
Inheritance tax benefits?
Widows allowance?

Marriage is a legal contract you don't realise you need until you really need it! Particularly with children involved or the death of a partner.

What’s the saying? Half of marriages end in divorce and the other half end in death?

Everyone always says it is important to be married for financial reasons and protection.

I’ve watched my own mother and several friends completely fucked over in expensive divorces. In my own life I have yet to see any benefits or protection. And I see nothing but financial negatives for myself, especially in the event of a divorce.

To each his own however I think for pension and inheritance rights alone, getting married is fairly fundamental. I have a friend who is an unmarried SAHM. I sometimes worry for the lack of protection she’d have if her husband ever left her.

I'm married
It's important to me. I'm not religious.
As another poster said, people are entitled to do what they like and that's fine as long as they don't object to not having the rights of a married couple when they're not actually married.
I was widowed young. Without going into detail there was a number of times where being married just made things simpler at a time when you can least do with the hassle

@meditrina
It is not necessarily important to be legally married.

It is extremely important to know the differences between marriage and cohabitation, and make an active choice about what you want and why.

Absolutely right.

While the staus quo is maintained marriage changes nothing. It is when something changes that being married or not matters.

@Newkitchen123

This is true. Marriage does make things simpler. Even small details as registering a newborn baby. If the parents are married then only one of them needs to attend the registrar office. If not, then both need to attend.

The bit that annoys me is what some have mentioned... people wanting and fighting for the benefits of marriage, without actually being married. Just get fucking married, what’s the big deal? It cost us £135 to pop down to registry office to sign the bit of paper. In and out in 20 minutes. Now I feel more legally secure.

I think it's important that people are making an informed decision as to whether it's important to them or not.

I also think that there's a hypocrisy often displayed on this site that men who are upfront about not wanting to get married are somehow insincere or duplicitous despite stating their intentions while women with assets doing the same are informed and protecting themselves and their children

I'm divorced and have another partner now. (6 years) We are too old for children and don't want to live together. Our finances are completely separate. We both own our own houses. He is retired. I work full time and intend to for another 15 years.

He wants to get married so I will get some of his pension if he dies. I will inherit his house and any money.

Should we marry?

What meditrina said. If you want the benefits of being married, you need to get married.

Legally it still doesnt matter. I dont know the financial benefits myself, but i do think you’re no better with marriage than you are without.

Legally it matters a great deal and it's completely erroneous to think you're not better off with marriage than without unless you are independently wealthy or have assets you wish to pass to your children from a previous marriage.

Never married and happily single. But on Friday I did advise a colleague who cohabits with her partner that if they’re not going to actually get married (they’ve been engaged years and she said they wouldn’t bother now) that she needs to be clear on their finances. Marriage makes that bit a lot easier. I don’t see much difference one way or another apart from that.

Definitely important re finances especially pensions

Because it holds no value for me. It makes no difference to my life financially or emotionally or in any way.

@Horcrux for a lot of people £135 is a lot of money they can Ill-afford.

We got married when I was pregnant. There was no big white wedding with all the costs and planning involved. We went to the registry office and booked it as soon as we could. Back then you only needed to give 2 weeks notice. So I went on my lunch one Monday and came back to work booking the Friday off 2 weeks later as we were getting married. In fact we were talking about it on the Saturday night and 3 weeks later we were married.

Registry office followed by the pub with no frills. I didn't even wear a dress. So it certainly doesn't have to be some big overpriced affair if you don't want it to be.

It didn't change anything in our relationship. Nothing felt different. The only thing that changed was my name (again my personal choice).

I can totally understand why people see it as just a piece of paper, but for us it was important and its something I'm glad we did. It just felt like it was something we should do.

@PlasticPatty I have never and don’t ever want to be married. That doesn’t change my commitment to my partner or my children. Why would it?’

DH is in Forces and implications of being a wife not a girlfriend are amplified

• we are entitled to a Married Quarter- although there are changes happening recognising long term relationships in housing, but married couples will still be prioritised where there are shortages
• death in service benefits- a spouse gets a pension, a partner doesn't (separate to life insurance)
• we (DDs and I) have followed him around the world. Our right to reside in these countries was based on our marriage. It also affects DD1s nationality as she was born abroad

Everyone should look in detail at their own situation to decide whether marriage is for them or not. It's not just a piece of paper, it is a legal contract which has benefits and implications.

I really don’t understand the hostility to wanting the same rights for cohabiting couples as married ones I have to say. Why do people seem so angry about it? If you got married and you like it why are mad that others who haven’t done it could be legally protected in case Of death etc?

Not important to me but then I am the higher earner and have the most assets and pension. He has assets too.
No kids and none planned.
Much better to stay unmarried for us.

@RuthW

He could leave it to you in his will or whatever (the house not sure about the pension)
It's my understanding that there's no inheritance liability between husband and wife so you may want to look into this if it matters to you