To think it is important to be legally married

[SweetSally]

I wonder why so many couples are against marriage? Many would say it's a piece of paper...when it's not. Why can't people see the benefits of marriage?

Many would say it's waste of money - is it really? One thing is getting married and another thing is splashing cash on a grand wedding...

I welcome your views (and please let's be nice to each other and accept everyone's opinion)

Please vote - is it important to be legally married?

First of all, if a couple's financial position is so precarious that they struggle month to month, the sums available from state bereavement benefits aren't paltry. They're just not. There are people who have enough money to consider them so, of course, but in that case they may need to consider IHT instead. This is one of the reasons why I'm an advocate of informed cohabitation: as I said upthread, it's every bit as significant to decide to live with someone and not marry as it is to get married.

Secondly, there are vanishingly few people who think literally just getting married is all the protection anyone would ever need, regardless of the situation of their spouse. That point is primarily advanced by people arguing against it.

What gets pointed out on here is that for the majority of women, not all, marriage offers more protection than cohabitation would in the same circumstances. That doesn't mean don't work, or don't pay into a pension, or don't think about finances. It means that statistically, women as a cohort are more likely to be the ones earning less and doing more of the caring work for all sorts of structural reasons and therefore marriage is likely to be better protection than doing all these things whilst not married. Given that there's no evidence unmarried women behave differently to married women in this respect, that's important.

Lastly, few decisions an individual might make, including that to work and pay into a pension, or to remain unmarried because it's financially better for them, will guarantee their future financial security. That's just how it is.

To add to my post on how there should be a public campaign about how marriage isn't just a piece of paper: I would also recommend some advertising of the fact that you can get married for less than £100. I've heard people say there should be a contract cohabiting couples can sign in order to get the legal status of marriage without needing to splash out on a ceremony. I always want to scream that that's what marriage is! The expensive ceremony is optional.

@Valanice1989 I find myself thinking similar thoughts.

If cohabiting couples want to sign a such a significant contract they will need:

• to give some sort of notice
• have witnesses
• have someone to officiate
• have the contract registered

Where, oh where, could such a contract be created without huge expense?

All the stuff about patriarchy, religion etc is just hot air to avoid making the commitment.

We'll see once straight CP is available I guess! Although that does have an unfortunate history too so if anyone were looking for a reason to swerve that too, they could.

“All the stuff about patriarchy, religion etc is just hot air to avoid making the commitment.”

With that psychic ability I presume you won the Euronillions last month!

gnome
I'm inclined to agree.
There's no avoiding the history of marriage as an institution, but modern marriage is a legal contract that doesn't have to include the same trappings as historical marriage.

I think there's quite a lot of:
It's just a piece of paper
We don't need an expensive party
We have children so that's already a commitment
Why splash out on a party to prove our love
Religion is so outdated and oppressive
There's common law rights
I can add you to my pension so we don't need to
Etc.

which ultimately comes down to "I don't want to make a legally binding commitment to you because I know what that entails, but rather than us BOTH make an informed choice to marry or not, I'll get emotive and misleading on you so you'll drop the issue"

Important to be married for me. Wouldn't want it any other way

to give some sort of notice
have witnesses
have someone to officiate
have the contract registered

For us thats a lot of effort, granted we cater out for dd birthday and hire a place to avoid the arranging
Being organised and planning aint our strong suit
We been together 13 years through shit some will never experience, marriage wouldnt have changed how we both coped good and bad yet we still together and not just cos its easier than divorce like some couples.
Neither of us come from money so nothing to protect in that sense
Yes i have strong beliefs on marriage, but im even lazier with organizing lol

Fiancé and I will get married at some point but we're both poor so no hurry!!

Definitely not in a church though as we're not religious and won't make vows before a God neither of us believe in.

Current venue of choice is a country pub. We definitely believe in good food and wine! 😊