To be worried about village life already?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

Cosima, my cousin lived in Powys for a while and said it was rather bleak. One time he was volunteering for a charity and went to this remote care home to do a Christmas thing. He said it was depressing because the OAPs were so isolated.

Love this from Spudlet

Is it village bashing week on MN at the moment? Perhaps we need a schedule - week 1, SAHMs, week 2, villages, week 3, benefits, week 4, parent and child spaces, week 5, pushchair spaces on buses...

Sums up MN relatively accurately in one paragraph

Looking forward to Week 3!

To the pp, I realise how it sounds, but that’s the physical reaction I get. Just as some people feel claustrophobic / edgy / dirty in the city, I feel slightly depressed in the English countryside. It’s not so bad in summer, but otherwise I just find it all too grey and bleak. A lot is down to the weather probably.

I do live the Devon / Dorset coast though - in the sunshine! And some beaches in north Cornwall.

I come from a very rural place in Southern Europe and I wish I could say it was idyllic and picturesque, but it wasn’t. It was crap and hard work tbh. Winter was grim. People are people wherever you go, but everywhere has it’s loons and, for this reason, I prefer to live in impersonal places.

When I go through places like this I get a headache and feel slightly ill / nauseous with an edge of panic. I know that sounds dramatic, but I do get a physical reaction to very rural places.

Have you ever visited the Sistine Chapel..?

I get what you mean @cosima1. Obviously I do like the countryside mostly as I wouldn't have moved otherwise, but some country places can be bleak in bad weather.

Crikey. An intervention? Seriously? I can't imagine any reaction other than helpless laughter. How did you deal with it? Sounds utterly nuts. Where are such places?

“Have you ever visited the Sistine Chapel..?”

Yes, but I managed to not scream

Good luck OP. I’m sure you’ll eventually make friends through the kids. At least the air quality is better and you are in a National Park. There will always be some divs wherever you live but it’s their issue, not yours. You can’t really take it on.

Also, Xmas is coming, so you could invite neighbours over for some mulled wine etc? See what you’re dealing with in one swoop?

In London, you dont even know your neighbours (Normal way of life)
Massive overgeneralisation at best. I live in London Zone 2 and am friendly with a lot of my neighbours and actual friends with a few.

I'd hate to live in a cliquey, claustrophobic village.

Just wanted to say that as an Asian or mixed race person village life or even life in a town at the edge of the countryside is far, far from idyllic.

Before I get accused of not fitting in, not "trying" etc, let me say that in the 5 or so hellish years we have been here I have volunteered for everything including local scouts/guides/fetes/fairs/fundraisers/PTAs you name it. I'm super gregarious and smiley and warm. Have invited children round for play dates, never got invited back. The Land Rover driving peroxide-haired set apparently decided not to give me or my children a break.

Junior school was hell for my daughter but as soon as she is in secondary (where her brown skinned mum is not seen or heard) she has got on better. I'm sorry but I'm so DONE with the British small town and its small minded people.
Rant over.

The first two years are the worst...

You know what
It's really hard in a village when houses go up for sale and get bought by people who don't really get village life and just moved for the scenery and because they think there are no drugs or whatever.

People will be wary of you a bit until you can reassure them you're just a person who happened to live in London before. Quite honestly a lot of London transplants are a bit cliquey and somehow, I'm not sure how, manage to refer to London a lot, which is kind of odd and people get a bit tired or defensive or whatever.

Lots of rural life is quite difficult and knowing there's a load of stuff! happening! instantly! elsewhere can sort of rub you up the wrong way when you're either a little bit stuck where you are and might want to be less stuck. Forgetting of course that you can get stuck in your own head wherever you are.

Sorry, cathartic post for me, that.

Sorry if it's been said, but North Face gilets are for townies. I suspect locals are wondering how long you'll last as many people up sticks for a rural idyll and get a shock. Most of the kids I went to primary school with still live in the same village. It's a different outlook. Your best bet is to be friendly, and give them a chance to get to know you (and get you gilet muddy at least).

Sorry if it's been said, but North Face gilets are for townies.

Well that's not a helpful thing to say, is it. And it doesn't exactly make village people sound any nicer or less insular/judgemental.

Read ‘Mrs Fytton’s Country Life’ by Mavis Cheek - hilarious and all about your situation.

I would hate living in a village if I am being honest. I love visiting their local pubs for some nice pub grub but I am happy to return to my home which is not situated in a village. When I was visiting a local village pub some local young farmers came in and they looked dated with their check shirts and jeans etc. I know some farmers have difficulty getting themselves wives and by the look of them I can see why. I have nothing against villages they look pretty and I enjoy looking at them but living in one? no way!

Velvetbuzzsaw, I'm really sorry that you have had that experience. It must be so crap to make an effort and still feel excluded, and see your daughter having a rubbish time too. I know that my BIL, who is mixed race, had a terrible time growing up in a rural area back in the 70s and 80s, and it had a big impact on him at school.

FWIW, small towns and villages do vary a lot. I think the one where I live pretty welcoming. I couldn't look whiter if I tried, so I'm not trying to trump your experience, I'm just saying that from what I can see, if people want to integrate here, they find themselves integrated in very short order, asked to peoples' houses, DC on reciprocal playdates, invited to join local book groups and so on.

Anyway, by way of apologising for rural-living wankers, for the shit time you have had.

People in some villages resent incomers no matter their skin colour.
They just don't want people they don't yet know!

It is all swings and roundabouts.
I find the winter to be very beautiful in along the coast. And if you feed the garden birds you can be enjoying nature.

I ignore the gossips. That part is fairly real sadly

Sadly you don’t get gossip in London because nobody speaks to each other! I’ve never lived ‘darn sowf’ but worked in London for thirteen years and quickly realised that if you smile and say good morning to anyone, you’re looked at as though you have a mental illness.

I live in a semi rural area in Yorkshire and everybody here gossips about everyone else! My neighbour, for example, knows everybody. She knows everybody’s business, whose marriage is in trouble, who has had a row with someone else, whose kids have gone ‘off the rails’ and so on and so on.

Best advice - smile politely and move on. It’s worth remembering that if people are gossiping about you, they’re leaving other people alone and the novelty will soon wear off. 😁

Interesting thread. Does this speak badly of those in villages who are hostile towards newcomers? OR does it speak badly of those Londoners who are used to walking around without a care in the world.
Depends what you’re used to and what you’re willing to put up with regarding change, and that goes for both the welcoming/unwelcoming villagers, or the antisocial/friendly “townies”.

Also if there is bad snow around here some villages near me are left inaccessible ... I have a bad feeling we might have some heavy snow here this year.

When I was visiting a local village pub some local young farmers came in and they looked dated with their check shirts and jeans etc

See, I like the farmer uniform. It hasn't changed for donkey's years.

And I take it you've never seen them scrubbed up and wearing blazers, ties and bowler hats when stewarding at the agricultural show?

Perhaps they were commenting how they liked your gilet You are being super sensitive, give them a chance. Could turn it round and say you are gossiping about them. I do though understand about small communities, I live in one that is obsessed with children and their rights. Would move tomorrow if I could afford to.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

No I have not seen them "scrubbed up" but I have seen young farmers drunk in local pubs which was bad enough.