To be worried about village life already?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

OP, I’m sure it’s very pretty up there, but can you not just leave?
Have you bought a house or are you renting to begin with?

Yes there might be gossip, as people do know a lot about other members of the community, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a negative environment. Have lived in my small village for about 5 years, and love it.

The support is fantastic - I was very ill for quite a period and a lift network was immediately organised to take me to hospital daily, over40 mins away. An elderly man in the village is currently not well and a WhatsApp group has been set up to help co-ordinate meals, etc.
The children love knowing so many people of all generations, and know that in the event of any problems they have so many doors to knock on, and so feel very secure. Where I lived previously both in London and a much larger village, my social network was generally limited to people my age, at similar stages in life (and I still have very good friends from those times). What I do enjoy about living here is the much wider demographic - I’ve made some very good friends here, and enjoy socialising with everyone from teens to pensioners, across all classes and wealth spectrums. It’s a lot of fun.

Oh yes, and after 5 years it’s still not uncommon to have the fact that I live in “Irene’s old house” mentioned!

@cosima1 We have bought a relatively cheap place, within our price range. We could probably sell fairly easily if we wished to but it's too early to be thinking about that. Aside from the gossip and some amenities being a bit far away, life is not so bad.

That sounds great @crumpet!

The fact that you think a leather jacket would stand out show that you have plenty of misconceptions and prejudices of your own

A leather jacket would have definitely got eye brows raised where I lived.

I spent 12 years their.
It was like some really bad joke.

Every time we agreed we should move something came up which made it impossible.

Dp has always been in employment.
But he spent a good part (4-5 years) unemployed when we lived there.
Couldn’t find a job at all.

I feel like I wasted 12 years of my life.

When did you live in that place?

I should mention I never actually wrote that a leather jacket would stand out, I wrote I hadn't worn certain clothes like leather jackets yet due to weather/practical reasons.

@Oliversmumsarmy - sorry to read that, sounds like a place I would dread.

If that is to me

A few years ago but I have seen it mentioned in posts on here and I don’t think it has changed.

The place was beautiful but the people were weird.

I have met a few people who were born in the same village and escaped (their words not mine)
Even they think family members have a certain way about them.

I worked in the local town in a reasonably large company.
One of the women found out I wasn’t married and told my supervisor I was only living with Dp.
They then staged an intervention and asked if the manager should take Dp for a pint so he could persuade Dp to marry me.

Does anyone think that is normal.

We only moved because of dps job.
I didn’t want to leave London.

I knew before we went that everything would revolve around the Pub, the Church and the School and I neither drink, nor am I the right religion and I was childless.
And I was right.

They then staged an intervention and asked if the manager should take Dp for a pint so he could persuade Dp to marry me.

That is barmy.

Sounds like a very insular place all round.

What sort of gilet was it?! Gilets are pretty bog standard country/village wear aren’t they? I’d say about 75% of the mums on the school run in our village wears a gilet!

I don't think I know anyone who wears a gilet (I had to go look it up) but then my village is in Scotland and it's either 'cold' - things with sleeves weather, or 'not quite as cold' - t-shirt weather.

Occasionally it gets 'hot' - there was a week in August where it was just too sticky and sweltering to wear trousers - I wore my kilt to work.

Most of the time I wear overalls.

I think, in the end, you have to listen to The Archers and decide which 'incomer' character you want to be like.

Are you a Lynda Snell; 'Oh but we always did it like this in Sunningdale!' and arguing with landowners about footpaths, before gradually, doggedly integrating the locals with her ways, as much as herself with theirs, to insert herself as a forceful but beloved pillar of the community?

More of an Usha; getting on with her professional life, making a few good friends in the village, generally being a decent, friendly sort, throwing the occasional excellent party and becoming accepted on her own terms.

Or more of a James and Leonie; 'Aren't village ways quaint! Let's make a fanciful, glossy, coffee-table book, featuring staged examples of their seasonal quaintness, to look beautifully exotic for our London friends!'

Your options in those cases, depend a bit on the status of the house you've bought. Is it 'the hall', a 'cottage', or something anonymous on the 'new estate'? in TA-land, people will regard and socialise with you very differently, accordingly.

AdoptedBumpkin

Barmy is one word.

Awkward, embarrassing, insane, backward.

Are others I could use.

I honestly thought I had landed on a different planet or been transported back to 1952

There will be people who think they are influential and are not . Your purple gilet was obviously being admired . Pity the woman making the comment didn’t say that directly to you . I lived a village life for 30 years and at times it was a goldfish bowl experience.
Give it a chance . My first week there I went to the pub and didn’t get home till 2am . By the weekend the jungle telegraph had my edited life story and people chatted .
Live in a town now on the edge of lovely walking country and surrounded by parks . People are friendly especially if you have s dog ! Might be worth getting one ?

@lottiegarbanzo, I guess I aspire to be an Usha

@Majorcollywobble We might well end up getting a dog. Not only for social reasons but for the fun of them.

Me too. I think your next step is to befriend a local female farmer - one who moved from elsewhere to live on her husband's farm. She'll be your bridge between 'incomers' and 'farming locals'.

(A relationship with the doctor, followed by marrying the vicar, is optional and for the single incomer only).

Dog is def the way forward

lord, i moved my my village (population 533) in september abc bar the odd dog walk polite chat, haven't been involved in any way. Everyone keeps themselves to themselves and there's the village hall activities if you want to join in. it's friendly but no gossip etc

However i do work full time and have an active social life with the sport i compete in so maybe i just am not around the village to experience the gossip!?!

“They then staged an intervention and asked if the manager should take Dp for a pint so he could persuade Dp to marry me.”

I dint know how people cope in places like this. It’s actually scary.

When I go through places like this I get a headache and feel slightly ill / nauseous with an edge of panic. I know that sounds dramatic, but I do get a physical reaction to very rural places. Particularly, the Lake District and the Welsh Borders for some reason. Maybe it’s the rain and everything looks extra damp? DH loves it and takes the mickey out of me, but I feel like gloom descends over me in these places. OP, I would be persona-non-grata in your village after a weekend, gilet or no.

Ha cosima, I live in the Welsh Borders(not through choice) and that's how I feel everyday

Dog is def the way forward

Or a komodo dragon

i think you are either a country side person or a city.

personally i would hate to live in cities and never feel safe etc All i see is crime and litter.
I do love to visit london, i have a close relative in covent garden, but i think of that as a collection of villages, if you see what i mean. Each with its own community, however, the noise, large buildings and busy roads feel restrictive and i couldn't live there.

i feel relaxed and like the space of the countryside.

it's horses for courses thou

When I go through places like this I get a headache and feel slightly ill / nauseous with an edge of panic. I know that sounds dramatic, but I do get a physical reaction to very rural places.

'Places like this'? How do you know what the places you go through are like if you are just going through them? Do you just mean all villages, on the assumption that they are all full of bumpkins?

Just because one poster lived somewhere very backward (a while ago from the sound of it) does not mean that all rural places are full of people from the 1950s!

I grew up in London, and have since lived in other cities, both larger and smaller ones, and now a village. It astonishes me that someone's horizons could be so narrow that they panic at being outside of a city. How parochial!

i think you are either a country side person or a city

I've enjoyed both.