To be upset at what happened and upset at how I reacted

[Fcukthisshit]

So, I live on a quiet street. A week ago at night (9ish) I walked into my hallway and someone was looking through my front door. Gave me a heart attack! I opened the door and it turned out to be a carer looking for a house on the other side of town (think along the lines of high street vs high avenue). DH directed carer to where they needed to be.

Friday I’m at home with just my toddler and I caught movement at the front door out of the corner of my eye. I started walking to the door and the handle starts to rattle as the person outside is trying to get in. I’m literally convinced at this point that someone is trying to break in and I panicked. I flew at the door and went mental (shouting but no swearing). Turns out it was another carer for the same address as a week ago. She point blank refuses to tell me which company she worked for so I could clear up the address issue which left me having to contact all the local companies until I found the right one.

I feel terrible for shouting at her but at the same time I don’t appreciate being frightened in my own home twice! (FWIW I’ve caught burglars in my back garden once before - they threatened to burn my house down, so I’m probably jumpier than the average person)

So was I unreasonable to have shouted - even though it was in panic - not aggression (and then anger when she wouldn’t tell me the company she worked for). It’s really bothered me all weekend. I realise it wasn’t the carers fault as she had obviously been given the wrong information, but common sense should have told her that the street name didn’t match and my house wasn’t part of a sheltered block of retirement flats (which is where she was looking for).

Maybe I was unreasonable and I should contact the company again and pass an apology on or maybe others would have reacted the same way I did?? Tell me what you think! Maybe I won’t feel so bad if others would react the same way?

If you can find out the name of the company, let them know.
all happy then.

Do you have a doorbell?

If not get one and put a notice up to say please ring bell, do not knock, do not try door handle.

i got sick to death of people never using the bloody bell and just knocking (I can't hear knocking). I missed so many parcels.

I think you can shout at who you want if they’re trying to get in to your house uninvited. But now you know it’s the carers you can go easier.
YABU you are even asking if this is unreasonable and it’s ok to swear at your door imo.

It’s not unreasonable to shout even you think your house is being broken into.
You could put a small notice up on your front door redirecting carers, or contact the warden in the sheltered accommodation and get them to speak to the company.

YANBU OP, I would probably be a bit on edge given those circumstances. Also, why would both carers, given that they obviously don't know where they're going, not knock first!

I’m quite jumpy too, OP. When I’m tired or stressed, shadows or light reflecting off something can make me jump!
So I don’t think you were BU. If someone that wasn’t my DH (or a member of my family) was trying to get in to my house I’d have probably had a similar reaction.

Anyone who is intending to knock and walk in needs to be 100% sure they have the right address, otherwise they can expect to be shouted at. I don’t think you were unreasonable. I would have responded in a similar way; it’s the combination of fear at the possibility of danger and the need to protect children. It shouldn’t have happened after the first time, and the carer should have told you the name of the company. Could you send an email to the local companies? You wouldn’t necessarily need to give your details, just remind them of the need to keep on top of their admin.

As a former carer, we were often given wrong addresses and had someone irate on the other side of it when we were banging on their door at 7.30am............ it was the office that gave the wrong address out, and the carer must have been just as frustrated as you are.

But it’s the OP who has someone trying to get into her house. The career can take up her ‘frustration’ with her employer. It’s not on the same level as being scared.

YANBU. I'd have fucked them out of it. How about knocking on the bloody door first to alert the home owner they have arrived, even if the home owner is elderly and cannot answer. If anyone made an attempt to just walk into my house I wouldn't be reasonable about it. Don't bother apologising. They should have apologised and assured you that they would tell their employer about the address error.

YANBU, I'd have been scared too. Can't you contact the person in the other house and ask them the care company. It's unreasonable of them to not say where they are from - they need to ensure the address is clearly marked on their forms (i.e. 10 High Road. Wherever NOTE Not 10 High Street).

You were fine OP. I yelled at a man the other evening....my dog was barking and he was standing in my drive looking at him! My drive is in my garden...he was trespassing.

He said "Well I was just looking!" and I said "You're making him go off his nut! And you're on my property...move!" and he tutted...as though was the rude one! He'd had to come a fair way onto my property to see the dog....idiot.

My dog is distinctive looking so people are interested...I get that but really!

Get one of those Beware I Live Here signs from Pets at Home/ebay, with picture of a large dog (gsd, rottweiller, etc). Might make anyone think twice.

very good idea to contact the retirement flat warden for them to ensure care company have the correct address, and not your address.

Agree with Drum - YANBU. Someone was attempting to gain entry to your home.
They could have knocked, rung the doorbell, shouted through the letter box; but chose to attempt to get in.
I'd have done same as you op. But probably have used strong language as well.

Hell no! YANBU - I would have been exactly the same. You just went into protect mode seeing as you had a young child indoors! Could have been anyone gaining entry into your safe place! Try not to think about it anymore. I would not phone and apologise either!

@MereDintofPandiculation I think 'apparently irrational' is a bit unfair, a lot of people have confirmed they'd have felt scared too. The Op had every right to ask which company it was who was giving her address out and telling their employees to walk in to her home (as the woman was trying the door handle she must have intended to enter).

YANBU and don't apologise. It's a pain in the ass that they keep disturbing you at home.

Yanbu. You were home alone with a child and vulnerable, you weren't to know it was innocent.
The carer should have been apologetic and helpful in correcting the address. They shouldn't just be walking into people's houses anyway, carer or not.

I think it's a gang who use the avenue not street excuse,opertunists looking for an unlocked home . Always Lock your door and if this happens again take their photo if you can. Practice on your phone so you know how to take a snap quickly .

How can you be as on edge as you are and not lock the door OP? Keep the doors locked.

If they turn up again politely explain the issue and ask that the address be changed. Or if you have the correct address and it is warden assisted or similar, call them and explain the carers are turning up at your house in error.

The shouting isn't ideal but I think forgivable in the circumstances, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Either the agency or the individual carers are being slapdash / lazy or negligent. If she had managed to open your door and come in, who knows what might have happened.

Hopefully that carer will spread the word.

It might be worth putting a note on your door: "Carers, this is NOT the address you are looking for.".

Were the carers in uniform?

You had a totally reasonable response given that someone had given you such a fright - carer was in the wrong - she should have apologised and facilitated your contact with the agency. Don't give it another moment's thought. If they keep on coming get a spy hole or a camera.
People saying you should not have reacted as you did are talking through their hats - bet they would have pooped themselves in the same situation.

Dict I agree with you, I find it very strange that people are so scared of, it seems, everything. Maybe I have been very lucky, I did have an elderly gentleman trying to put his key in my front door once, but he had dementia and had lost his way. I had 3 children in the house at the time but I didn’t scream at him, I just brought him in and phoned the local police. He was soon reunited with his daughter.
It seems such a sad state of affairs if people are scared all the time.