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AIBU?

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Original poster

To assume if my reception child isn't eating...

112 replies

Donkeykong2019 · 24/11/2019 08:32

My DD is in reception. Food has been an issue to the point she was under the dietician. She says she doesn't like school dinners but I have persevered because I want her to eat. I have assumed that school would notice if she isn't eating and would have told me?

I've been having a panic that she isn't eating and no one has told me!

OP posts:
Tvstar · 25/11/2019 01:50

Can the people jumping on op for the milk knock it off? She’s already said it was more complicated than that. I think we can assume she knew it was a problem otherwise she wouldn’t have done anything about it.
Her dd who was 2or 3 at the time wasn't taking taking herself off to the supermarket and buying herself a gallon of milk to guzzle each day!
I don't buy the 'she would literally starve herself'. How long did you give her?

Original poster
Donkeykong2019 · 25/11/2019 08:27

I'm not justifying the milk situation to a stranger on the internet but when we worked with a health visitor, the children's nurse, a peadiatrician and a dietician may I just suggest it isnt as sinple as you portray.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 25/11/2019 08:41

I'd say it depends on the school. My son ate very little at that age and the staff were very supportive and would keep an eye on him and let me know what he had eaten - not in great detail but "ate bout a quarter of his lunch" . However there were TAs sitting at the tables with the kids rather than cafeteria style.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/11/2019 09:26

I have to say all this talk of 1 supervisor to 90 kids is not my experience at this age, most schools are very aware little kids struggle. Our reception kids eat first with extra supervision.

Pippapotomus · 25/11/2019 09:36

Dinner staff do miss lunches not being eaten. They are supposed to make a note of non eaters to pass onto the class teacher,but they don't notice sometimes.

DS is diabetic and has insulin for lunch for which the dosage is based on what he is eating. A few times he hasn't been able to open packets so not eaten, then unnoticed gone to play, then had severely low blood sugar back in class. And the lunch staff have training each year from the hospital about the importance of him eating all his food. They just don't give a shit.

All his food now goes into tuppawear pots as I need to assume that there is no help opening things, and his teacher checks his lunch bag back in class.

IceCreamFace · 25/11/2019 09:40

A lot of moronic ignorant comments here. Op has been under the care of medical professionals who know the intricate details of her situation. I think it best she continues to take their advice over some know it all on the internet.

my2bundles · 25/11/2019 10:03

Thete is really no Pont discussing this with strangers online. Make an appointment at school to discuss your child and the intervention from all professionals involved, they can then come up with a plan to monitor your child. They carnt and won't do this if they are unaware of the situatoon.

Tvstar · 25/11/2019 13:11

ice cream facehow did you get your user name? Sounds like you have an unhealthy interest in dairy guzzling!! 🤣

Elbeagle · 25/11/2019 13:18

Absolutely at my DD’s school they notice the children who don’t eat.
DD2 is/was fussy (DD1 will eat anything and they’ve both always been fed the same so it’s also not as simple as parents ‘pandering’ to them), so at her first parents evening in reception I asked how she was eating. Her teacher said they take note of the ones who were noticeably not eating and discuss with their parents, and DD2 wasn’t on the list!
Incidentally school dinners have helped her to be more adventurous. Peer pressure goes quite a long way! Plus she’s absolutely starving by lunchtime at school, and also respects their authority far more than mine Grin

CallmeAngelina · 25/11/2019 13:18

School staff aren't allowed to insist children eat. They can suggest they try a little bit more, that's all. As far as I know there is no routine whereby a lunchtime supervisor would get such info fed back to a parent. And anyway, it's commonplace. Every day, I see large numbers of (particularly) KS1 children tipping the vast majority of their lunch away. Presumably, their parents are thinking they've eaten a decent meal and are perhaps giving them a lighter evening meal based on that assumption.

Elbeagle · 25/11/2019 13:23

Presumably, their parents are thinking they've eaten a decent meal and are perhaps giving them a lighter evening meal based on that assumption

I give a full evening meal regardless, as portions are small and mine are ravenous when they get home, whether the lunch was something they liked or something they didn’t.
I imagine most parents provide an evening meal based on appetite rather than assumption (every DC I’ve ever met will tell their parent if they’re still hungry).

CallmeAngelina · 25/11/2019 13:31

Well, I don't know - my own kids are way past that stage, but I've seen plenty of posters on here saying they give a light tea as "they've had a school lunch."

Elbeagle · 25/11/2019 13:32

Surely though if a DC was still hungry after their ‘light tea’ as they hadn’t eaten their lunch, they’d tell their parents they were still hungry?

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 25/11/2019 13:37

Nobody would eat if they drank 10 pints of milk a day. The calories from all that milk would definitely of over filled such a small child, I mean 10 pints a day!

In regards to school no I wouldn’t expect the teachers to notice a child not eating, I mean think how many dc they have to watch? I wouldn’t however be pushing a fussy child to eat school dinners, she is telling you she doesn’t like. I would of sent packed lunch a long time ago.........

CallmeAngelina · 25/11/2019 13:44

Surely though if a DC was still hungry after their ‘light tea’ as they hadn’t eaten their lunch, they’d tell their parents they were still hungry?
Not if there's an eating issue of some kind.

Settlersofcatan · 25/11/2019 14:00

I wouldn't go to packed lunches. Peer pressure is great for fussy eaters - my 3 year old eats much more at nursery than at home.

twinkletoedelephant · 25/11/2019 14:16

Ds1 hasn't ever eaten lunch at school... Every day I pack a lovely lunch he has never eaten.

He's on meds for ADHD,(also has ASD) they surpress his appetite so he's not hungry he is teeny compared to his twin and is on the 0.4 percentile for his age.

Unfortunately he also gets migraine triggered by not eating or drinking...

Staff are lovely, they have found he may eat a single biscuit if they 'smuggle' him in to the staff room and 'steal' one of the caretakers special biscuits. This is usually enough to prevent a migraine until his meds wear off after school and snacktime happens. Biscuits from home don't have the same draw as Mr X biscuits

Mr X the grumpy caretaker is fully on board and us often found complaining about his missing biscuits and wondering if they have mice who just really like chocolate digestives in front of ds resulting in lots of giggerling and shushing with his TA.

Ds1 buys him a big tin of biscuits and ds2 a big box of jelly babies.... He can be so grumpy to the staff and quite gruff with the kids but my boys LOVE him :)

LemonPrism · 25/11/2019 14:18

I'd tell them the issue and ask them to monitor. I remember my best friend sticking her sandwiches the the underside of the table so they'd think she'd eaten them

Bluerussian · 25/11/2019 16:19

What the heck is a 'light tea'?

I get that kids usually want something to eat when they come in from school, something fairly quick and easy but they do need a proper meal later unless they are one and a half.

slipperywhensparticus · 25/11/2019 16:26

My sons school notice he gets encouraged to eat and a sticker if he does but I've told the school I'm not concerned as he is a six dinner sid at breakfast sometimes eating cereal croissants and toast before school

CallmeAngelina · 25/11/2019 17:50

What the heck is a 'light tea?'
Really? You can't think? Hmm
Something like sandwiches, as opposed to a full cooked 'meat, potatoes and 3x veg combo,' I suppose.

twoheaped · 25/11/2019 17:56

@twinkletoedelephant that is just bloody lovely of the grumpy caretaker.

In my experience, the dinner ladies are quite insistent about eating up.
I preferred to send a packed lunch so I could monitor what was eaten, which was usually very little.
Dd is now 13 and still doesn't eat in school. It drives me nuts but she pretty much makes up for her calorific deficit in the evening as I make sure we have foods in she will eat.

It is a tightrope not making a big deal about her strange eating habits and I am veey concious not to make a big deal of it.

Endspeciesism · 25/11/2019 18:03

Just to say: please don’t give your child cows milk. They are a human not a baby cow, they don’t need it, and it’s actually really bad for humans. The countries with the highest rates of osteoporosis drink the most milk. The acids in the milk causes bones to leach calcium. Also the dairy industry is an industry and death, torture and maternal grief. If you drink milk, calves have died because you paid for it.

Original poster
Donkeykong2019 · 25/11/2019 18:10

School have agreed pack lunch is a good idea as she ate all of what I sent her today and she's verbalised several times to them that she doesn't like school dinners.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 25/11/2019 18:10

Hi Op in our school reception children have lunch earlier than the others and they are monitored to some extent, by the dinner Staff and the TA who accompanies them. From what my D.C. have said this turns into a simply negotiation ie eat 3 more carrot slices and you can leave the table and join the class queue. I am certain they’re not made to eat it and eating habits aren’t fed back