to want my DH to walk with me

[fit4more]

Just that really. We were walking back from a friends house last night and we are chatting, mid conversation, strolling home, with kids, everybody on the same side of the road when he’s off....across the road to the other side. Normally I’d follow him because we are mid convo and suddenly he’s leading the way. Then I realised that this happens all the time. When we are out, even on a date, he’s walking 4 paces in front of me. It’s like follow the leader. I’m a quick walker so I’m not a slow coach. I’m just struggling to understand why he does it. I’m finding it irritating. It feels a bit rude and it’s not exactly romantic/caring is it? I have said in the past about it but it’s not changing. I’d like others opinions please.

My husband and my dad do this i actually hate it

My DH is a postie so is always quicker walking than me. However, if we're walking together he slows down to my pace, you know 'cause he's not an arsehole. He just (semi) jokingly moans, a lot, about how slow I am when we're walking together 😂

Grab his arm and hang on with an iron grip. If he tries to get away get nasty. He will learn.

Had a bf that used to do this, until one day when he was 10 paces ahead and racing off I decided I might as well walk another way to where we were gonig if I was going to be walking alone anyway. So I left him to it.

I do this because I’m a fast walker and DH is slow. I don’t mean it, it just happens.

Stop dead where you are and wait until he notices.

Ha! My partner does this, too. Doesn't really bother me though.

When he walks off ahead of me, I hide behind something and watch as he notices I've vanished and gets all flustered.

@fit4more Incredibly rude and arrogant for your DH to do this.

IMO he thinks he is above you, and superior.

That would NOT sit well with me at all.

Tell him to STOP it.

Yes with my XP it was part of a pattern of not listening, not taking notice of anything I said. We went out for an evening at a bird place (like a night walk around), I'd looked forward to it for weeks. We got there and he walked off and left me. He just walked on ahead all the way round, you could see all the other people looking at me trailing sadly alone around the birds only speaking to him when we caught up at each aviary. They clearly thought we'd had a terrible row.

I spent most of the evening in tears. And he never fucking noticed (it was dark, to be fair). Everyone else in couples, everyone else holding hands, walking together, chatting. Me at the back, on my own, him breathlessly in front, having to be first to each flying display.

It's never just the walking.

Yes, and when I increase my pace he speeds up too [ANGRY]

I'm actually amazed that so many people are just putting up with partners who just stride off and expect them to follow. I've never experienced this, even my horrible, abusing ex (who was considerably taller than me) walked beside me because he was walking with me. And he could match his pace to small children too,because all competent humans can (if they actually give a shit about doing so).

Even if there's a height difference, you can always adjust- the only time 6ft4 DP struggled to slow down to the pace comfortable for my 5ft1 legs was when he had just got over a knee injury and the unnatural (to him) pace made it ache, otherwise it isn't an issue

Which doesn't mean he doesn't speed up occasionally, just that he gives enough of a damn to make sure he slows down when he notices it or I point it out.

We're the opposite a bit, he complains about pains in his chest if he walks too quickly, I can't walk slowly, it makes my legs ache. I walk ahead and stop for him to catch up, perils of old age!

What memories you've brought back, OP! In Holland, I watched the local couples hold hands as they rode their bicycles two abreast. My then boyfriend, who always rode ahead, knocked over two wheelie bins that then fell onto me. He never even noticed. He was the same when walking, and got very stroppy indeed if I didn't follow a few paces behind.

Another boyfriend used get to stroppy in Vietnam if I didn't follow at the right distance. I told him again and again that I wasn't going to follow him like a dog if he insisted on striding ahead. It didn't matter; nothing I said made any difference. Admittedly, the pavements were narrow and crowded, but the locals walked in the road, same-sex friends holding hands. I used to watch another western couple where she always strode ahead and he shambled behind. The power dynamic was so obvious.

Some people just want to get on with it, and are infuriated by people who fanny around, dilly dally and walk around with zero urgency.

@StreetwiseHercules, I'm nearly a foot shorter than DH with much shorter legs. I'm not going to fucking jog to keep up with him because he hasn't got the basic courtesy to moderate his stride length when he's with me and DS. We're not "dilly-dallying" or "fanny around" any more that you would be if you had to run the 100 metres alongside Usain Bolt. Important rule in life, don't be a cunt to your partner.

What really annoys me about this is that he’s not actually walking any faster...just 4 paces ahead at the same speed, it makes no sense!

@ Holidaycountdown YES! DH does exactly this. It's not like he speeds off out of sight into the distance... he just walks a few paces ahead. I've pointed out many many times that if he can walk at my speed 4 paces ahead, he can surely walk at my pace next to me. Honestly, I'm infuriated the more I think about it.

Yup, when you open up your stride to catch up, they speed up to maintain the gap. It's a power thing with my DH, for sure. I've many times proved it to both of us by walking abreast and he increases the pace to leave me behind, I speed up to keep level and we end up looking like Kath and Kel power walking!

He promises to stop and then round town plays games hanging back to be half a pace behind, slowing down until I actually stop to ask what's going on. Refuses to just walk companionably. Always power games. Tiresome.

I literally cannot walk as slowly as DW without emptying my brain of all other thoughts and devoting 100% of my concentration for the entire duration of the journey to not leaving her behind. As long as my life doesn't depend on it, there's no way I'm ever going to maintain that level of concentration.

We use the command “No zoom”.. works on 2yo DN and 31yo dp. Or “Hoi Sonic”.

I’ve also given him the option of being strapped into or onto the buggy.. tis how you deal with run away toddlers.. or buying me a buggy board and he can push me at whatever speed he likes.. he thinks that’s a ridiculous idea so he walks slower now.

His speed comes in handy occasionally he’s quicker than phoning the nearest takeaway.. so he still gets to run off every so often.

Might take the clicker out next time I haven’t tried treats yet.

Yeah really rude. My DH does this. I'm shorter so have smaller strides, I also hurt my back recently and he walks 20 paces ahead. He says it annoys him to walk slowly so I just refuse to go anywhere with him as I find it rude and inconsiderate. I have been fitter and walked fast in the past but always adjusted my pace to accommodate whoever's is walking with me. I had his DSis do this to me with my back injury while pushing the buggy. She got my young DS out of the buggy and walked really fast ahead of me so I couldn't catch up. I found it really rude.

So rude. I bet all these men wouldn’t do it to a mate, or possibly their mum.

My husband has his failings but at least he doesn’t seem to resent walking beside me!

We fell out so badly about this on a trip to London it's the closest we've come to splitting up. 'but you're walking so slowly!'

Eh yes because I'm looking after small DS you fucking tube! I'm not hanging back for a laugh!

See also 'ill catch you guys up' if he fancies popping into a shop. Aka 'you take DS away while I mooch like a child free adult'.

Never again. I call it out at source.

My xh used to do this. Again definitely part of a pattern. When I had ds a baby and dd ages 5 he used to race ahead with the buggy which had my bag on in, leaving me struggling to cajole dd along (he was walking much to fast for her) and left with no bag, money or phone or travel card. Obviously I stopped putting my bag on there but it was still fucking rude, stressful unnecessary. Plus he’d then encourage me to put the bag on there!

His subsequent girl friend after our separation (now divorced) bought him a book which I think was called “What women really want” which includes this specific example of how men can cause fear in their female partners. It’s a good read.

I had this with my ex-husband and I believe it was part of his issues with intimacy. He was off, out of the house at any opportunity, would never walk next to me on a pavement or on a dog walk yet wanted to be remain married. When I asked him why he got married, he said he liked having someone at home which just about summed up the whole relationship. He didn't want to be alone but couldn't handle being close either physically or mentally. He was completely self-absorbed and revealed very little of himself. I couldn't tell you what his favourite colour was. The distance eventually eroded the marriage, that and his narcissism and passive aggression.

My DH does this.
Always walks ahead.