to want my DH to walk with me

[fit4more]

Just that really. We were walking back from a friends house last night and we are chatting, mid conversation, strolling home, with kids, everybody on the same side of the road when he’s off....across the road to the other side. Normally I’d follow him because we are mid convo and suddenly he’s leading the way. Then I realised that this happens all the time. When we are out, even on a date, he’s walking 4 paces in front of me. It’s like follow the leader. I’m a quick walker so I’m not a slow coach. I’m just struggling to understand why he does it. I’m finding it irritating. It feels a bit rude and it’s not exactly romantic/caring is it? I have said in the past about it but it’s not changing. I’d like others opinions please.

Why don’t you ask him!!

OP, I have this in reverse because when we take MIL out (eg to Hyde Park or similar) what she does is this - she purposely hobbles and grips onto DH‘a arm for dear life. Then she proceeds at an absolute snail’s pace, so I’m left hurtling like a lunatic across the park, chasing the girls on scooters. It drives me crazy because when I take MIL out during the week, she’s off like a rocket around the shops. There is nothing wrong with her legs at all and I’ve told DH this, but he won’t do anything about it.

Apart from this, DH will walk with me in the street, so that’s fine. But when I’m out with the boys, one is 6 ft 6 and the other over 6ft now as well and they won’t slow down and the only way I can keep up is by literally jogging. At least I can spot them in a crowd because they’re tall, but otherwise I would just lose them in the street, I was starting to think I was slowing down and it must be my age or maybe there was something wrong with my legs because I just can’t propel myself forward at their pace. It’s quite stressful actually because you can’t relax. I’ve told them yesterday they need to slow down or I’m not coming with them because I find it very rude actually.

My exH used to do this. It was indicative of his general selfishness.
He could walk with me when he wanted to. At the beginning of our relationship he did. Towards the end, when he had tired of me he wouldn't bother waiting for me.

XP used to do this. We'd go out walking the dogs 'together' but he was always several metres in front.

I tried to explain to him that I walk alone most of the time and it would be nice, if we are together, to actually...you know, walk together.

He never got it. He just said 'well, the dog walks fast'. So I said 'what about when she's not on the lead?' 'Well, I have to walk fast to keep an eye on her.'

He's an ex mostly because he just couldn't understand anything about being in a couple or mitigating your behaviour for someone else.

My mother used to moan about my dad doing this... he was 13 inches taller than her so mismatched. They got divorced eventually.

I 'lost' my XP in London through him doing this too. I'd told him I needed a drink of water (it was 28 degrees). We came to a row of shops, so I went inside to buy myself water - he carried on his five metre ahead walking, didn't even notice I'd gone in.

When I came out I eventually got a 'where are you?' text. He doesn't know London at all and had got lost, all because he a) couldn't walk with me and b) didn't have the courtesy to wait for me to buy water when we reached the shops because he didn't know I'd gone in (see a).

And still couldn't realise he was in the wrong.

Make sure you have the house keys and just take your time , stop for a few minutes if it takes your fancy to check out a nice front garden or do a bit of star gazing - he will soon get the message . My husband used to do this .... not anymore

My husband does this. I'll be trying to persuade the toddler to keep up, trying to hold a conversation with my husband and he's off. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle and I hate it, it IS rude. I haven't read all of the replies yet but I will do, hoping for some tips.

Some people just want to get on with it, and are infuriated by people who fanny around, dilly dally and walk around with zero urgency.

A few people saying it's infuriating to walk slowly. Personally, I get it - I like to go at a pace, always have. But now I'm the one being left behind because I have a toddler in tow. The OP said they were with kids, I think that changes interpretation of this, surely? If the pace is set by someone who can't go faster (small child, disability etc.) it is incredibly rude not to match that pace. Even if you find it annoying to slow down.

Glad I’m not the only one! My DP did this, it infuriated me. I told him he was like Donald Trump walking off leaving Melania behind. Now a quick shout of “oi, Donald” quickly brings his step in line with mine.

Try being met a by a meet and greet company in New Delhi airport The greeter picked up my boyfriend's case and ran to the carpark. They both thundered ahead whilst I struggled to keep up towing my case and not get run down or left behind. I suspect that he was in a very short stay carpark - minutes or so - but it was bloody rude.

My mother does this. We don’t have the best relationship. When my son was a baby, she’d like to push him in his buggy when we’d go out. If I met someone I knew and stopped for a chat, or wanted to look in a shop window, she’d just keep walking with him. Incredibly rude. I can’t believe I put up with it now.

StreetwiseHercules yeah, quite often women are left behind with young children .

Or because we're shorter on average it would be more difficult to keep up at that pace.

My DP is a stroller and I am a strider. I find it irritating walking slow but I 99% of the time I make sure that I walk beside him. The 1% is usually in the supermarket, I just want to be in and out whereas he dawdles.

OP when he does it again I would slow down. See how far he gets before he notices.

If it is all about the longer legs and stride, why is it that billions of us women are perfectly capable of walking at the same pace as our toddlers? Hmmmm.

Mn really needs a like button.

My mum is the opposite. She deliberately slows and then gets huffy if we get in front. When we slow to her pace (she's old but not elderly, she's adopted an old lady shuffle when we're out) she slows further and further. I've tested this on several occasions, including suggesting we need to leave earlier etc and have come to the conclusion it's some sort of control thing. And bloody rude.

My DH does this sometimes.

I deliberately slow down or stop, and wait until I’m out of sight. Then he has to come back to find me.

Also, he’ll do that when cycling, especially when he doesn’t know the way. he’ll have gone on ahead, complaining we’re too slow, and he’s carrying on up the road oblivious to the left hand turn. We turn left. He eventually realises he’s alone, rings us up and asks where we are, and he’ll have to cycle back to catch us up. No idea why he does it....

Hold his hand as you walk, then you will stay together.

It's basically just disrespect...all the others excuses are a load of rubbish.

My ex is this. It’s part of a pattern of selfish and controlling behaviour, in some cases....

What really annoys me about this is that he’s not actually walking any faster...just 4 paces ahead at the same speed, it makes no sense! I’m another that deliberately stops or slows down to see how long he’ll take to notice 😂

DH did this. What stopped him were other people's comments. Someone said "oh, saw you both walking down the high street, Jux the regulation 3 steps behind...." They weren't the only one to comment, but it's the one I remember.

DD growing up helped too. She would mention it constantly when we were all out, and sometimes make him stop and wait for me as by then my walking was slow (ms) and he would often get home 5 whole minutes before me!

Ime, nothing you say to him has worked and thereforit won't. You need outside interference!

I'm in a mobility scooter now and he walks slightly ahead - with my wheels....

Takea?Note, agree. It was definitely part of a pattern of appalling behaviour, which was most assuredly abusive - but not physical that would have made it easy to leave. However, as I recovered from a major ms attack I could be stronger in fighting his abuse and he has become quite nice now!

OP, do think about you dh's other ways.